When YouTube Teaches You The True Value of Life

I sat in the “car park” commonly known as the M25 orbital road that circumnavigates London. Two hours had passed and I’d moved less than a mile. How dare someone lose concentration and crash their car?

But, the air ambulance above softened my selfish and unjustified anger. Plus, two hours sitting in rush hour traffic had its upside. I was able to process what had been a monumental day for me. Both businesses I’d started had become victim to a panicking investor who had called his money in.

I was shocked. Everything had been going well. Granted, I was working 20 hours a day and eliciting every last drop of energy out of myself to develop and stabilise the businesses, but I was excited.

My idea had been described as an ‘amazing concept’. We were less than two years old but already had future contracts in the bag, making a small profit and rapidly growing an excellent reputation.

However, in the blink of an eye, it had all fallen down a hole. And the domino effect of a “winding-up order” was catastrophic. At 54 years old, I felt hopeless. Everything I had worked for was over in one day.

As I watched the air ambulance hover above me, I began to question my recent decisions. My mental and physical health were not as good as they should have been. I had worked myself into the ground.

The intensity and relentless pursuit of a dream that would hopefully enable me to ‘hit the jackpot’ of financial security, had taken its toll. I knew deep down that I was deteriorating, but I’d always figured I’d catch up at some point.

It was a foolish assumption. Not only had my health suffered, but I’d missed precious time with my newborn daughter. Life was passing me by, and now even my businesses were gone. Like the lengthy traffic jam I was in, all wasn’t well.

Eventually, three hours later I arrived home. As I stepped through the door, I felt instant relief. I was back in my oasis. I did what I always did when coming home — I held my daughter and danced to our favourite song.

Years of collecting records meant that my vinyl collection was as varied as anyone’s Apple playlist. It was a ritual that signified I was home and safe from the chaos of the impending business implosion.

Frank Sinatra ‘Come Fly With Me,’ played well — a few crackles but immaculate nevertheless. It was one of my mums favourite albums and had somehow survived 50 years of being moved from house to house in a crowded record box.

The lyrics were poignant as I tried to process my last fourteen hours. Contracts had been cancelled and people laid off. I had gone from flavour of the month to what felt like a sour-tasting bad apple.

Billion-dollar companies are brutal, more so when something disturbs their institutionalised operational habit. As Ole Blue Eyes sang of Acapulco Bay, I made a decision to let go of everything to do with the businesses. I was scarred, my soul felt empty, my mental fragility brittle.

I stood in my kitchen looking out at the January snow and the lost hopes and dreams of what could have been. Tears spilt down my face, it wasn’t a sob, it was a release. Everything hurt. I felt weak. And I felt like my mental state of hopelessness would be impossible to get out of.

There was a certain irony to my situation too. My business vision had been a catering company which would help the mental health of men in the construction industry via nutrition. The failure of my idea had resulted in me being burnt out and in the worst shape of my life. I had neglected my own health in the excitement of making my vision a reality.

The next morning was like having a hangover from hell, yet not a drop of alcohol had passed my lips. I entered the lounge to see my partner in a complicated physical origami pose on her yoga mat.

“Why don’t you try this?”

I’d always respected yoga, yet never quite became an enthusiast - I didn't have the patience. I sat down next to her and attempted to touch my toes, I was miles away. I looked at the screen in front of us. The yoga instructor was an effortlessly graceful and deeply encouraging woman. Her energy and patience made the postures she was advocating seem easy.

But, it was her narrative which captivated me. Her calm voice made even the most complicated of moves seem manageable. Often during the video, she would talk to herself and make jokes when she occasionally fluffed her lines.

“Who is this? She’s very good," I asked.

It’s Adriene, she’s amazing." Came the reply.

In that moment, l felt a surge of hope. I was sure my life was about to change for the better. I quickly discovered Adriene had been around a while. Her 8 million plus subscribers had been benefiting from her skills for years.

I decided to commit. The 30 days of yoga seemed like a good plan. What could go wrong? More importantly, what did I have to lose?

I made a pact to get up early and get it done, no more feeling sorry for myself, it was time to take action. Adriene would be the key to rebuilding my mental and physical health. I was sure of it.

“Welcome to Home, day one invites you simply to recognise."

Adding even more charm to my first full video with Adriene was Benji, Adriene's giant and peaceful Blue Heeler. They say a dog adds years onto your life, reduces stress and makes you happier. And I couldn't agree more. I was about to become very attached to my virtual furry friend.

The first week flew by, although not every pose was perfect, I found myself enjoying the daily ritual. It was the first week of my 30 day journey and the start of many important lessons.

Ignore doubt

In a transition, there are moments when one questions everything. This is an inevitable part of change. Luckily, I knew from experience that perseverance and ‘zooming’ out mentally from these moments of uncertainty was essential. Adriene became a bubble where nothing could touch me and everything was in harmony.

I remember Day 10 of 30 vividly. This was the day I had the final official calls to do, regarding the legal quicksand of closing a business. I was agitated and not interested in seeing Benji or Adriene.

I took the calls from the lawyers apprehensively. However, during those calls I felt a glimmer of inner strength which had been missing from me for a long time. Like any recovery, the tiniest slither of encouragement can change someone’s life.

Feeling invigorated, I put down the phone and reached for my yoga mat. Turning on the iPad, the sight of Benji curled up behind Adriene made me smile. I felt good inside. I promised myself I would stop doubting my journey of yoga and commit mentally to the process.

Sure enough, the hostile WhatsApp groups soon deleted themselves and the legal obligations of closing a business became less and less. My head was no longer full of P&L spreadsheets, HMRC and business rates. I discovered that putting me first, allowed everyone around me to benefit. My mood, my optimism and my confidence began to take the place of self doubt and mental fragility.

Set goals

I believe anything is possible. It was time to create my own reality both inside and outside of my head. So, plans were made, lists were written, and physical and mental recovery was mapped out. I joined the gym, started running again and went from strength to strength.

My family and new daughter were my focus now. The idea of morning walks and Gymboree classes made me smile inwardly, I was living the moment.

Meanwhile, I enjoyed the peace and pace of Adriene. Her daily yoga videos allowed me to slow my head down, be present and live the moment. My daughters nap time became an opportunity for me to meditate and prepare good food — both of which had been forgotten for a long time.

Trust the process

I can’t deny that initially, it felt both wrong and alien to be a full-time dad. I knew it would be a daunting next chapter of my life. But, it would also be creative and rewarding. Kids inspire parents to be focused and take more risks in the name of providing a future and security. We would survive financially. Plus, I was spending valuable time with my daughter. There were new opportunities on the horizon and I was finally shaping my new life.

As the days passed by, my running got better, my anxiety lessened and as predicted, things moved on. When the 30 days with Adriene was finally up, I felt like I had transformed as a person. I was fitter than I had ever been. I was eating well, training, meditating and still doing yoga every day.

I could finally touch my toes. I felt invincible. Over the 30 days of yoga, I had become solid, robust and centred. And I had Adriene to thank. She had become my virtual yoga friend. She had taught me to value my mental health, take time out for myself everyday and slow down.

In hindsight, I would never sacrifice my health again. At the peak of running my businesses, I figured as long as I could deal with the unpredictability of everyday and find a way to keep everything afloat, all would be well, we’d come out the other end.

But, I was throwing away my health and precious time. And when my businesses did fail, I found I was initially unable to salvage my mental health.

Work is important, but it can never be a replacement for family time, health or sleep. I learned the tough way, that valuing your mental and physical health is the most important thing you can do in life.

So, don’t be a slave to your job for too long. It really isn’t worth it. Time will pass by and you’ll miss it all if you don’t stop to think and cherish everyday. Be brave and do what’s best for you and your family.

Thank you Adriene.