When Being Positive Can Hurt You and What To Do About It

Happiness is where a person's thoughts, words, and actions agree. ”~ Mahatma Gandhi

While pouring in my friend the other day, I mentioned how I felt a little blue.

"Take it out," he said, literally.

Although this is not the first time I have received advice like this, or I have heard someone else get their love, it still leaves me feeling that something is wrong with me because I can't get over it.

"You have to be hopeful," he said.

If only it were that easy to turn off the light switch on your head permanently, then drive the one labeled “sunshine and rainbows” to 24/7.

Let's find out now: For someone who is struggling with challenging situations such as depression, depression, or high self-esteem, and who aren't ready to wear rose-colored glasses right now, pretending to be good won't be okay (and unhealthy).

Forcing yourself to jump on the bandwagon when you feel like going into a cave can create a lot of confusion and disconnection (I was there, I did that), and distract you from the things you should be doing to get better.

Instead of trying to clean up your act of aggression and put yourself first, here are some things you can do to make it work for you:

It's okay when you feel sad and ask for help.

Sometimes, life sounds like a scam.

It's okay to feel that way - life doesn't have to feel happy, optimistic, and easy at all times. I'm not asking you to indulge in self-indulgence, but if you have that feeling, give yourself time to hear and respect it.

It's also a good idea to keep in mind that this sweet post, which motivates your friend to email you, doesn't make it any better. You need not feel guilty or embarrassed about not communicating with someone else's way of dealing with difficult situations.

In fact, the “negative” feelings you experience are just as important in helping you cope with difficult and bad times in life because they give you valuable clues about what is happening in your life, and help you to explore and give purpose to your circumstances.

Often, these feelings point to the fact that something needs to be fixed, and while not all difficult situations have a definite solution, what you can do to get through this period is to ask for help.

Take this opportunity to reach out to people who are important to you - allowing yourself to be at risk for someone you care about will also give them permission to help and feel deeply connected to you.

Make empathy a part of your life.

When I run out of resources, one thing I find helpful in dealing with is empathy. This does not mean skipping because of painful arguments or giving up when I make a mistake; means I:

Review my actions and admit why I chose to do something after I made a mistake instead of being harsh and judgmental (“reacted in this way because you felt hurt” compared to “you are a lost person”).

Accept that I am not perfect after eating unexpectedly, check why it happened, and choose to make healthy choices in my next meal instead of giving up healthy foods altogether.

Let me go for a walk because I want instead of subscribing to the thought of 'no pain, no gain' by forcing myself to go to the gym even if I don't feel comfortable with it.

There is no need for false facade or cheerleading; just understanding, being kind, and caring for yourself.

Focus on the small steps you can take each day.

Now that you've removed that inspiring poster, ask yourself, "What steps can I take to help me feel better and get out of this mess?"

This could be:

Arranging an appointment with your manager to discuss why a regular night out in the office does not work for you.

Spending five minutes before bed meditation lowers your mind so you don’t spend the night throwing and turning, and feeling tired the next day.

Take an hour on Sunday to prepare all the ingredients you need for your day's afternoon so that you do not eat food that causes you to indulge in alcohol.

Staying with your partner tells him that you are not happy, and that you have never been together, and that you would like to find out why you are dating.

Informing your friend that you have hurt your feelings instead of trying to ignore the disagreements and misunderstandings between the two of you.

Taking steps to change instead of pushing forward can do wonders in helping you lift those heavy, gray clouds over your shoulders.