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What lessons have you learned from failed romantic relationships?


By Dylan M ParkinPublished 2 years ago 5 min read

The perceptiveness of "being loved" is more important than learning to love people.

A girl, unintentionally touched her boyfriend's bottom line: impulsive breakup.

The boy was very concerned about this, and the woman had a big fight, although the two made up under the efforts of the woman, but the boyfriend's attitude compared to the past still seems too cold some, the girl was very nervous, do not know how to restore the relationship.

At that time the girl was almost scolded by netizens into a sieve, many people said it was her own, often deliberately mentioning the breakup, the boy will no longer be so cherished to their feelings, and now the boy's reaction is certainly riding a donkey to find a horse, just wait a minute to be dumped.

Even if you can't break up, from now on the girl has no initiative, she deserves it.

Look at it from a different perspective.

First of all, "always in the top of the relationship" which itself is not a very healthy state, the initiative between lovers constantly flow is actually quite normal phenomenon.

Secondly, the boy was poked at the bottom line, no matter how reluctant, he still compromised the girl's request for reconciliation, and this, in itself, is a signal that "the man still loves the woman".

In realizing that the other party still loves them, then the problem is actually very simple.

Confess your mistakes. Since the beginning is their own wrongdoing, the other party has emotions, the remaining anger, which is also quite normal things, accept it, the other party does not want to care about themselves, for the time being, do not bother others.

Since the other party is already backing off, obviously so angry, but also compromised their request for reconciliation. That the other side back a step at the same time, they also step back can, see what the other side needs, the right medicine to provide on. But do not force the other side to respond, nor force the other side must listen to their own.

As for whether the other party is riding a donkey to find a horse, this actually does not need to speculate, because the current male compromise is visible to the naked eye, while his motives need to be proven with time. Therefore, do not be so anxious to discourage and do not need to rush to ask, just observe well.

Yes, a seemingly insurmountable problem, the solution is so simple.

Even if you do not know how to speak, do not know sweet words, you can also practice in minutes.

A lot of things in emotional life are like this.

When one realizes that one is loved, one is very willing to take the initiative to give to love.

The reason why many people feel unhappy and lack of love in life is because they set the standard of "being loved" too high, so they do not feel the other half in love with them, naturally unwilling to give, to compromise.

What many people desire is not love, but "to be pampered".

What they think is true love is to receive a pillow when they are sleepy, to have someone say the perfect words of comfort when they are in tears, to have someone give them a big box of Godiva when they are craving candy.

If someone else does not give what he wants, but pushes him awake when he is drowsy, advises him clumsily when he is in tears, and tells him when he is craving candy that your teeth are not suitable for candy right now, these people will be devastated and feel that the world does not love them and that the so-called love is a lie.

If the standard of love is so high, then most of the people in this world are indeed lacking in love.

The problem is that love is not that scarce in this world, but the perfect and just the right way to express love that pokes your needs is very scarce.

Many bloggers say that you can only be loved if you learn to love people first. This consensus in real life, in fact, should be reversed: people can only learn to love if they learn to be loved.

Learning to be loved is divided into two parts, one is to distinguish whether the other party's good intentions are true or deceitful, this too many people said so not to talk in detail, while the other, is to expand the breadth of love, open the window to the world.

One thing to note here: learning to get used to being loved is not just about experiencing the love that your lover gives you.

Love for people is actually like air, everywhere, like a shadow, in addition to love itself, family, friends, appreciation of superiors and subordinates, support between colleagues, and even the small kindness given to you by strangers ......

In fact, it is all love.

The big to your lover to send you your favorite gift, small to the queue when the other side to give you a seat, these are love.

The first is not to rush to set the standard of love, you can set a bottom line, those who are good to you, the goodwill that does exist, do not dwell on the method whether they are satisfied, first feel its existence, and then tell yourself: I am loved, I naturally, also need to respond to each other.

When you realize that you are loved, you can understand each other's emotions, and after you understand each other's emotions, you can do something that is more win-win and satisfies both parties' mutual interests.

Perceiving the kindness and love of others is the foundation for learning to put yourself in their shoes.

Those who are good at communication and very good at talking are not just because they are really eloquent, but because there are a significant number of people who have a strong sense of perception and who, after realizing the other person's kindness, will respond quickly so that the active party feels that what I give is worthwhile and I am willing to continue to give.

This is the necessary mindset to become a person who knows how to love people and is confident and self-sufficient.

Trying to hold a partner will only make the relationship worse

The Internet is full of all sorts of "holding your partner" tips, and even broken down into different age groups, different blood types, different zodiac signs, people are happy to summarize a variety of experience.

Are these experiences wrong?

Not really, many of the techniques do work, I will also research myself.

But I can tell you responsibly: when addicted to "take the partner", and really through some skills to take the partner, then this person, unless you just want to make a short-term profit, otherwise not far from a bad end.

Don't just test human nature (we're not talking about testing character here).

And take the partner, which itself is also a test of human nature in the extreme.


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    DMPWritten by Dylan M Parkin

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