What is your biggest stopper to love yourself?

I have this terrible tendency of overthinking. Also, thinking that I am not good enough. My self-esteem has been demolished by my own thoughts, partially contributed to what others think of me. People always say, “who cares what people think?” I just know subconsciously it bothers all of us. Yeah, our exterior says otherwise, “fuck you!” Yet, in the back of your mind, it hurts, it’s offensive, it makes you question yourself.

More of my opinion so, in no way am I saying this to be true to all people. However, these are things I am working on and trying to grow out of this mindset. Start talking to myself more kindly and with positive affirmations. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I am in this space. I am trying to heal from things I don’t discuss. While trying to be a parent that is breaking generational curses. I want to be more present for my children, something I wasn’t offered. My mother was a hardworking single mother. I got my independence and determination to succeed with my mother.

Although, with that comes a lack of needs. Sacrifices we make as people in the pursuit of happiness. We live our whole lives looking for love. When reality, we are not ready for love. How can we love someone unconditionally when we are flawed by our own past traumas? In my journey through shadow work, I will be releasing things that do not help my growth as a person. It is all a healing process that I am willing to put in the work to be a better self for myself and my children.

I met my partner after a failed abusive relationship. I picked up the pieces of what I thought was a broken heart. Yet, he tore down walls that I sheltered him out of. He found my breakthrough spot he worked to make his way in. The only thing he did differently than any man in my life is consistency, patience, and communication. My flaws are all over the place. I can be crazy one minute and loving the next. Next, I have terrible mood swings. I am very impatient, I demand things to be fixed with a finger snap, I am annoying, I am an attention seeker. To top them all off, I am a brat. He accepts me with all my flaws. His answer, “he wants to know more!” Sometimes I think he is as crazy as I am but, our crazies match.

All of my flaws felt as if no one would love. I would be unloveable because I refuse to change who I am. I guess that isn’t true when your soulmate is the only person on this earth that matches your equal. I have learned that taking a step back. While getting to know me and what I like reflects positivity in my current relationship. Affection is a stopper that does not allow me to feel love for myself. The first work of order is appreciating the love that I receive and never take it for granted. The goal is to stop questions and just allow things to happen and be happy, isn't that the goal of life?

In conclusion, my biggest challenge to love myself and feel worthy come from me doing the work after self-sabotage. I listen to me. I do not live to make others happy anymore. Instead, I know what I bring to the table, and if we can not compromise then, you are not meant the stress to be added to my life. Shadow work will not be easy. The only way to go into this is with an open heart and open mind.