Wayback or Now

I was recently asked, if I could go back into the past, would I change anything? At first, I thought that was an easy question and figured I could produce some clever twisting of words or a memory or two that could have gone in a different direction. However, what seemed like a simple straight forward request has dominated my thoughts for over a week. Sure, it would have been easier to have made myself 6 foot 4 inches and to not have flat feet, oh baby, to jam in a rebound against an East Bridgewater Viking or Bridgewater-Raynham Trojan; to be numbered among the greats at Westies High; or maybe to have had the clothes and toys and cars and things that many others had; or to have been ballsy enough to tell girls what I really thought of them; maybe to have gone to college and become the English teacher/basketball coach I thought would be so fulfilling.

I would need to make sure that the music was completely unchanged. Ella would still be the queen of Jazz and Lennon and McCartney would still be Beatles writing songs to dance to and to keep your girl close. Elvis must keep clean blue suede shoes and Roy Orbison would not be too lonely, while Chuck Berry continues to visit his cousin, Johnny B. Goode. I need Chubby to twist, and for Phil and Don to teach me how to dream. I need to stroll and do the shag. Friday nights I need to go to Nancy Bradford’s Ball Room dancing classes (hear her saying loudly “No Dipping”), and have our parents drive us to Bob & Ken’s afterwards, for burgers and fries and a giant brownie (.25 cents) out of the big cookie jar at the end of their bar. Dick Clark would have to still be live from Philly, and give us our Paul Anka’s and Fabian’s and Frankie Avalon, “Venus if you do, I promise that I always will be true, I’ll give her all the love I have to give, as long as we both shall live.” Detroit still needs to become Motown, and so much and many more.

The truth is, after soul and memory searching, I would not change a thing. If I could, my life would not be what it is today; full and blessed with good health and great family and friends that have made my life something precious, dear, and interesting; also mysterious, unconditionally Christian and content; if going back meant I would lose even one, I would not do it.

Of course, spending time thinking of the changes you might could have made would surely include warning JFK not to go to Dallas and begging him, please, keep our country out of Vietnam. I would make sure to tell people more emphatically, do not do drugs, or drink too much, and especially in my case, not to smoke, ever. Alas, history did not go that way.

Of course, I think about the past and try to memorialize the good things and people I knew and loved, not for things I could have had or changed, but to remind others to not forget those who have helped to secure your place in the present.

I write of memories and people that made a positive impact not only on my early life, but all through my life, using what every mother has said, “if you can’t say something good about someone, don’t say anything at all”. That does not mean I have never been negatively affected by persons places and events, some of my own creation. What it does mean is that I choose to write of and in the light, not the dark; there is enough of that by many other writers these days. I am content to live moment to moment in the now, while letting the past rest in my bones, only rattling when my heart thinks or hears or sees something to turn on a pleasant light over and inside my head. ( I should also add, whenever Mike Singleton rattles his music muse keys)

I will continue to write if my God who is always in the light, allows.