Validation in Quarantine

Why is it that people say when you have something on your mind, you should talk about it. When you talk about your feelings it will stop you from feeling the sadness that drowns you. I don’t feel that way. I feel like when I spiral in my head, I need to be with myself and not talk about it. When you talk about how you feel, there is a high chance of rejection, a high chance that the person who you are opening up to, won’t understand. That is why when you keep your feelings to yourself, you won’t have to deal with the rejection or the want and need of validation.

Validation comes in all different shapes and sizes. If you want the guy you like to validate that his feelings are similar to yours, your mom to understand why you are depressed, or a promotion at your job. We all want to feel validated, we all want to feel like we are enough.

With any sort of communication or feelings, there is always a risk of getting hurt, of rejection, getting turned down. Sitting in quarantine for the last couple of months has really made me personally feel more scared to interact with others. I forgot what it’s like to open up, to have genuine heartfelt moments without feeling naked and afraid.

The worst part of quarantine was sitting home and overthinking every single little part of your life. If my four years of college were worth it, if my career path even makes sense anymore, or if I am meant to be alone. The last part of that is a big one for me and probably a lot of others. Being single is one thing, but feeling alone is another. You can be single and love your life, you can love being independent. On the other hand, you can also be in a relationship but feel alone. The worst case is being single and feeling alone, like, no one will love you. Is that just me? Okay...cool.

This quarantine has taught me what it is like to be alone with myself. What it is like to deal with your thoughts in your head without the distractions of daily life. Sitting in your room, with nowhere to go. There are only so many Netflix shows you can watch, so many snacks you can eat, and so many Facetime calls you can make until there is nothing else to do but sulk. Sulk in your own thoughts.

Quoting my favorite band Palaye Royale; they released a song called “Lonely” right before quarantine started and these lyrics pretty much some up any overthinker during this time:

“This shit messes with my head

The only home I know is my bed”

Feeling lonely and stuck in your house with nowhere to go, can really mess with your head.

Let us turn this into something more positive. Because at the end of the day, you need to have a brighter outlook on life to remain same. I think overall, the challenge has been to learn to love being with yourself as well as your own thoughts. Before all of this, you were able to distract yourself from what you actually feel and what goes through your head by going into the office or going to school, hanging out with friends, or whatever else you did to occupy your time. This was the time to do a lot of self reflection, learn to love yourself, your thoughts, and the demons that fill your head. This has been the toughest year for everyone but we will get through it together.