I'm not one for sob stories...I like to uplift as much as I can. However, to turn a blind eye to pain is foolish and to overlook the pain in other's lives is insensitive and cruel. I firmly believe that without darkness, there can be no light; and without pain, there can be no joy.
I firmly believe in this because there were many time when I had to just to make it through the day. Just to keep getting up after getting knocked down over and over
I know that many people who know me (but don't really know me), would say that I don't look like the type of person that has been through shit or had a hard life. That's basically because, like many other victims of trauma and long-term abuse, they have a higher tolerance of bullshit.
Meaning, I can be punched so hard that I go through a wall, choked until I pass out, and made to do push ups until I can't feel my arms and then go to school the next day like nothing ever happened. Had to do that on the regular in high school.
This also means that I can be forced into non-consensual sex with my drunk boyfriend while I'm pregnant with his child, cry myself to sleep and then go to work the next day and chat it up with my co-workers like everything is fine. Had to do that when I was 2 months pregnant.
Also this unfortunately means that I can be out down, thrown away, and lied to by almost every immediate family member for 24 years and still pursue what I love and love the good people in my life with no hesitation.
Life has a funny way of giving you exactly what you ask for, you know. Not at all saying that I or anyone else deserves to be treated poorly, but to say that God works in mysterious ways. I truly believe that nothing happened to me that was for nothing. Unfortunately I had to learn all those hard life lessons the hard way.
What's the lesson you ask? The lesson that took so much heartache and pain to learn was to love and protect myself...always.
So I write to you all, no matter what you've been through, heard, seen, or felt...please keep finding the courage and the strength to keep getting back up. Imagine yourself like Muhammed Ali in the ring. You may get knocked down, but you keep getting back up ready to keep fighting. Why? Because you, my precious love are worth it. You are fighting for you, you must love you enough to make it through.
Also, my final piece of advice that helped me make it through those hard, crippling days, when I felt like I was the loneliest person in the world...Always find the bright side! This may sound a bit delusional, but for some, the bullshit we go through requires a level of positivity that borders on delusion. However, there is always a Brightside. Always.
Remember, there can't be light without dark. There are always stars, even in the darkest night sky. Keep finding something to look forward to, even when it feels like nothing is worth it. That's your star and your light. Hold onto it and protect it, because there are weaker people out here who will try to steal your light simply because they can't find their own. They're like energy demons/vampires. Stay away from them.
Always Love and Protect Yourself!
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