Tumultuous Thanks

This year has felt like the above picture. Overwhelming, draining. It's been a feeling of drowning in my own life. A feeling of being pushed every way but the right way. The path has become flooded and there's only mud. It's as if the boat was going down and there is no way to save it. Anyone else feel that way? Oh, yeah...the whole damn world.

As everything came crashing down, as life came to a literal stop, there were things that stand out. There were things that made life bearable. Things to be thankful for. Even as I was thankful, I was grateful for some of the small things in life. I am thankful my family made it through this storm of sickness and death. I am grateful my 76 year old mother is alive, well and being bothered by my niece and nephew. I can't wait to hug her when she feels safe enough to come out again. I am thankful my firefighter brother-in-law made it through the fire season on the west coast. I am grateful he is celebrating Thanksgiving with his family. Some of his companions will not be celebrating anything ever again.

I am so thankful that my many colleagues who were exposed to this death sentence for so long are alive. Even as they got stuck in this quick sick sand I am thankful they made it out. Are they well? None of us will ever be well again. I am grateful for my strength and stamina, but not my new found anxiety. My mind will never recover. However, I am grateful for the therapy the hospital provided. I am thankful my mind is still in working condition. I have not gone off the deep end. Except for the insomnia. I am grateful to step outside and see the beauty of the trees, smell the fresh air, feel the wind on my face. I am thankful God is still on the throne and Jesus is at His right hand. Thankfully, my belief helped to carry me through. I am grateful for blessings every day. I am thankfully grateful for Angel pennies.

I am thankful my daughter didn't catch this... this...#19. I am thankful I did not bring it home. Thankfully, she didn't have to fight the horror off. I don't know if she could have with her asthma. I am grateful she didn't have to try. Thankful is the new baby born safe. I am so grateful for the pictures. His little round face and his happy smile. I am thankful my 18 year old cat is alive and seemingly well. And, also thankful my dog is doing well. I love to rub his little belly when I get home. I am grateful I am able to provide for them. They are thankful for a nice warm home and full bellies. I am thankful for the cuddles and the nose kisses.

I am thankful for the roof over our heads. I am thankful and grateful for the food on the table and in the cabinets. Most of it's good. Some of it's junk. Everyone needs a good little junk. Thankfully, we have more than some and less than others. Thankfully, I am able to open my wallet and share some of the more with others. I am grateful for that blessing. Being grateful and thankful means being able to share the more when you can. There are always those who have less, who are thankful to have a bit more. I am thankful for the friends who have talents that they are willing to share. A good mechanic is hard to find. A good friend even harder.

I am thankful to be able to do a little traveling, experience new things, meet new people. I am thankful to be outside. I am grateful for the beautiful colors of trees, the wonderful smell of the sky after the rain. I am thankful the rain cleans the world, grateful for all the dirt it releases. I am thankful that poppies still grow, tulips still bloom and grateful the birds still wake me up at 6 am. I am thankful that as I get older my body is still strong and I can still go to beautiful places to hike. I am grateful my mind can still imagine, my soul can still feel, my heart still loves and, sometimes, breaks. I am grateful for the gift of imagination as it lets me put my thoughts on paper.

Thankfully, people came together to care for one another during this time of sludge. Thankfully, the toilet paper was eventually restocked. Thankfully we lived through shortages, greed and price gouging. We made it thru the ruins of destruction and death. Gratefully and thankfully we made it thru war. Thankfully we have science soldiers on our side. We have doctors and nurses and dozens of technicians to be thankful for. There are people who are still fighting the good fight. With thankful, hopeful, grateful and fighting hearts we go on. Thankfully, the sun will continue to shine, the moon will continue to glow and with an open heart and soul I will continue to be grateful for what I have been given in this world.