Tough Life Experiences

Betrayal is one of the most painful losses a person can suffer. A person must first trust the betrayer before being deceived. Being deceived is impossible if you didn't trust the individual in the first place. We trust another person because we feel they will not harm us. When they do, many of our preconceptions and beliefs about them are disproved. It's as though you've died. Most importantly, we lose faith in ourselves and our capacity to distinguish between those who will protect us and those who would hurt us. The loss of one's own self-confidence is possibly the most significant of all the losses we endure.

Brene Brown discusses how we gain and lose trust. It reminds her like a jar of marbles. We gradually add marbles to the jar as we come to trust someone. We take out some marbles if they betray us in any manner. The number of marbles in the jar over time determines the health of the connection.

Some betrayals happen without notice. This is tough because you will be shell-shocked and distraught. The most typical kind of betrayal is when one of the parties no longer cares enough to invest time and energy in the relationship, allowing it to deteriorate over time, leaving you feeling alone and unlovable.

It doesn't have to be this way. There are things we can do to help ourselves recover. Allow yourself to recover rather than condemning yourself and obsessing over the numerous facts you should have 'seen' sooner or hanging on to your'story' of betrayal. What can you take away from this excruciating ordeal? What lessons can you take away from this experience to help you build happier and stronger relationships in the future? Pay attention to your gut instincts. Inquire about any behavior that makes you feel upset. Keep an eye out for warning flags along the road. When you love someone, it's easy to give them the benefit of the doubt, even though their behaviors indicate that you are not their first priority. It's critical to establish limits. Only respectful and loving relationships are permitted. If someone is consistently behaving in a way that hurts you, especially if you identify as a provider and nurturer, it's time to take a step back and reevaluate, for the good of both of you.

Recognize that we all have an unprotected kid inside of us who is traumatized and in need of healing. Finding those individuals in your life who you can depend on and trust is a fantastic place to start. Lean in and embrace their love and support. It's tempting to mistrust everyone after being deceived, but this won't help you heal. Give yourself permission to pick up the pieces and restart. Begin with regaining confidence in yourself. Consider all of the wise judgments you've made. Consider the folks who have maintained your trust and stood by you. Consider the folks who have always been by your side and supported you through thick and thin. Most of us are fortunate to have one or two persons that fit this description. You'll maximize your chances to develop successful and happy relationships if you don't penalize current partners for the sins of prior ones.

Silence may sometimes be the worst betrayal. People may believe that it is simpler to remain silent than to allow you to know what is actually going on. 'There comes a moment when silence is treason,' said Martin Luther King. Feelings might be powerful during such moments because we feel confused, upset, and befuddled. Our emotions are fresh, and we might behave impulsively as a result. Allow yourself time and space to evaluate the issue and remain impartial.

It's difficult to come to terms with the pain inflicted on you by those you love and trust. So, first and foremost, treat yourself with kindness. Although it is natural to desire to seek vengeance for the harm you have experienced, this is not in anyone's best interests. Betrayal teaches you not only about others, but also about yourself. Did you enable people to continually overstep their bounds? Did you hold them accountable when they went over the line?

Ask yourself, "Do they deserve it?" before handing up your love and trust. Because they don't always work. After a significant betrayal, you'll never be the same, but it's crucial to remember that everyone will, and probably should, experience it at some time. It strengthens your ability to empathize with others. It serves a crucial role on certain levels, providing the grain for you to consider your own life, what it means, and who you want to be.