To Keep The Sun Shining

To Keep the Sun Shining

Another copper penny glinting it’s almost amber face in the sunlight, surrounded by a sea of dirty pavement. She picked it up and put it in her pocket, eyes fixed on the road for the next.

The woman walked down cobbled steps and concrete streets, not the ones she grew up on. She walked into the shop, her arms tightly wrapped round the plastic bag, before dropping them on the counter. “four purses, three bags - that’s all I managed this time”. The woman behind the counter softened a smile and slipped a twenty pound note across the the stained marble table. “Bring your wee one after nursery, I’ve got a treat for him” the shopkeeper soothed, “thank you” she whispered in reply like she was scared of the sound of her own voice and folded the note until it was the size of the penny in her coat pocket.

She stood over the stove, the gentle steam of tinned soup hitting her face and matted hair. “What do you want, bread or crackers baby?” She asks the small blonde boy sitting at the table with his legs dangling well above the floor. “Hmmmmmm” he exclaims theatrically before giggling. She couldn’t help but smile at the perfect childlike confidence. He was happy here just now but that just made it harder, she knew how things would change by the time both his feet could touch the ground. “we shall have one of each your majesty” she replied before curtsying to the small boy. He giggled more, but it was cut short by the shutting of the back door. He turned around smiling but cautious. She went rigid, uneasy and quickened the pace with which she made the boy’s dinner. “It’s just Daddy come home” the woman says trough pursed lips, rushing to share the soup into bowls. The light of their golden bubble was dimmed by the shadow of his presence and her mind raced with the fear that came with it. The man threw his jacket to the floor of the small home, shot a look to the pot in her hand and growled at the woman “I’m going for a bath, order me food in for when I get out”. “Okay” she managed under her breath. She waited till the sound of running hot water stopped to slip the leather wallet out of his jacket pocket and pay the delivery driver at her door, slipping the £4 change under her clothes after a moment’s hesitation. She felt the cold coins touch her skin. “Mummy” the woman jumped and turned around, “I’m still hungry” the wee boy moaned. She un-tensed her shoulders and allowed a smile to appear on her face again “Well luckily I’m all full up, you can have Mummy’s soup.”

The clock showed 9:00 by the time the backdoor was shut behind her and the small boy. 5 minutes walking on the pavement, him skipping beside her with his small pale hand in hers. She kissed his cheek and left him at his nursery centre, full of smiling mothers and fathers. “I’ll see you later my sunshine boy” she said before she walked down the road to a cottage on the side street, Picking up carelessly dropped coins in the parents car park as she went. She cleaned with gaunt fingers through the morning for the money that waited at the end of it.

She dressed in dark clothes, a hood covered her bruised face. She held between her finger and thumb the silver, jewel lined band that promised vows next year. Vows that would be as empty and hollow as the old building they were said in, words that would do nothing but make her leaving harder. Words from the man she lay next to at night, whose hands meant harm and voice meant fear for her, and most certainly in years to come for her son too. She held it, maybe a moment too long, doubt and pain clasped her hand shut around it before she threw the ring on the counter and waited to hear the price on the tip of the middle aged man’s tongue. She waited for him to repeat the large figure but she didn’t question it, she daren’t, she took the notes from the counter and left before minds could be changed, more importantly her mind.

Morning came, and another after that. Pennies were picked, fingers pricked on sewing needles and floor cleaner doused into finger cuts. She counted each note, each coin, each copper and put them into a small plastic bag. The woman pulled clothes from drawers, toys from cupboards and zipped up a dinosaur print backpack. “Are we leaving Mummy?” The little boy asked. “Shhh, you can’t say that” she replied in a whisper. “Why? Daddy is out” The little boy said his eyes glinting in the mid morning sunshine that peered through the dusty windows. “We need to go” she breathed, he nodded, “That’s my sunshine boy.”

They sat on a London train looking out of the window, the windows were dirty but clear from where she sat. She looked down at her little blonde haired boy on the seat next to her, swinging his short legs above the train floor. Every day of pennies and coins felt all the more worth it. The chance to leave, to protect the future of her sunshine boy and remove the shackles from her own body.

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