This Is How I Finally My Mentor After Years Of Searching

Without the luxury of a mother taking care of us, we'd be lost.

Nine years ago. That was the first time I heard about having a mentor. I had just dropped out of high school, broke up with my girlfriend, and had to carry this overweight body I grew to hate for the last two decades.

Without school and the endless texting, I finally had some time to figure things out. YouTube videos had become the thing, and everyday, I'd swallow all things books, personal development, and "motivational" stuff. Today, I find it disgusting. But it has its place. And you'll soon understand what I mean later on.

Being a perfectly, packaged, product of society--I naively believed the world's plans were in my best interest. If I had some credentials, I'd be able to land a job, prove wrong to "haters," be sexy enough to attract a new mate, save some money and eventually, live "happily."

Boy I was wrong.

I'd spend my days reading books while discovering my mind's voracity in the process. To my surprise, my curiosity was without end. I'd consume anything I could get my hands on. Business, marketing, biology, astronomy, astrology, fitness--you name it.

As I learned, and observed more of the world around me, I realized that it presented two facets. Behind every seemingly innocent presentation, there was a lot of work being done in the backend. It was up to the most curious to find out what the intention of that work was...

A simple lesson I learned from that "episode" of my life is: nothing is as it seems. If you don't ask questions, you're given "toys" to spend your time with. But, if you do ask questions, prepare yourself to be surprised.

What you put in your mind affects how you live. And what you put in your guts affects how you think. It was around that time that I started working out.

If you've never worked out in your life and then suddenly put your body through "Insanity," a high intensity cardio program--it's gonna be ugly. But I was angry. Angry that I've been abandoned by the people I loved the most, when I needed them the most. Angry that I couldn't continue my studies because of financial issues. Angry because I felt like I've been fooled by a system my parents, my friends and the whole world trust their lives with. Now it feels a bit childish, but I had to channel that anger.

A year later, I was lighter. I had lost weight, both physically, and psychologically. Through familial connections, I was able to get a job, and a new adventure would begin, once again.

Having a "boss" was alien to me. I observed how everyone--just like planets do with the Sun--revolved around the "supreme" authority; and it wasn't something they've learned to do--it was instinctive.

While it felt natural for most to follow orders, laugh at every boring jokes that was thrown at them, and spend the rest of their lives walking on eggshells--though I liked omelets, I was confused... I didn't know what to do, so I simply mimicked those around me. While it helped in getting along with people, it didn't on the inside. This wasn't a way to live. And I was disgusted by it.

How do you express yourself freely when you feel restrained by rules? How do you say what you think if you fear the repercussions? Why does life have to feel so tense? Is it the reason why we're exhausted all the time despite everything we eat? These questions created even more questions.

It's true that most of the time, what we have to say is irresponsible. If everyone expressed everything, every time they had a thought, the world would be destroyed by now. But our feelings are valid because they exist, and in one way or another--they must be expressed.

That's when I felt the push to express myself through different mediums like writing, drawing, singing, et cetera. As I kept doing it, I noticed that it helped me gain in perspective while also emptying me from this feeling of psychological "constipation." Expressing myself, even privately, also made me realize I could give a voice to my feelings without necessarily affecting the world. As the inner pressure decreased, I reacted less to external situations, and was able to deal with challenges more gracefully.

I forgot to mention. The "boss" was my uncle. So I couldn't leave based on some capricious desire. I had to work it out.

Being of a more sensitive nature, I hate it when people yell. The boss yelled most of the time. Having made his fortune through a lot of trials and tribulations, he ruled through manipulation, always turning every situation into his favor. He loved power games. While I was inexperienced and young, I still felt it deeply, and disliked it, when people tried to manipulate me.

Day after day, I would observe everything in its most minute detail. I took all the frustration I accumulated from the daily ups and downs of life, and turned it into fuel. As I kept observing people, my uncle, and how everything interacted together--I learned.

I didn't have any degree in anything. But I became good at what I did. I realized that human beings tend to be cruel because of what has been done to them. We respond based on triggers, and we treat others like we've been treated. And our life's purpose is to transcend the pain we've been through, to see the world without our past, and to treat all that exists with reverence no matter what. Because life is sacred.

We have the tendency to blame people and events in our lives. We keep rehearsing our story, we never miss an opportunity to tell it. We love to turn others into villains. What we don't understand in doing this is that, we remain stuck. So many of us achieve so many things, yet it's never enough. "More and more" kills us. No matter how far we go, we're still tied to our hurts. We move physically, but our souls are chained to the past. This isn't living, and unless we acknowledge this unhealthy pattern, we can't be grateful.

Learning requires a teacher/mentor. A teacher can either be a person or a teaching. To learn to the maximum of our abilities, we must be a humble student, and that humbleness can only be through gratefulness.

Gratefulness is not something we do, it's something we are. By healing, which means acknowledging how we've been blocking our gratefulness, we release what we naturally are. And once we do, we realize how everyone, and everything we've come across, taught us something. From a flower teaching us about openness and vulnerability, to a dog showing us how unconditional love manifests itself, to a book that expands our thinking, to a boss that indirectly teaches us how to be compassionate despite his dark past.

As I write this now, I know that I have not been specific in my descriptions. I haven't given names, nor put anyone on a pedestal because now, I see how every step along the way was a teacher in itself.

Without the luxury of a mother taking care of us, we'd be lost. This mother of ours is life itself. And through all her different manifestations, she nurtures, and teaches us.

To all the people I've met, to all the experiences I've had, to all the materials I've learned from, to all the blessings I keep receiving, whether or not I am aware of it--and ultimately, to life itself, which is the ultimate teacher--thank you.

Lessons are not meant to break us, they're meant to make us better, and we are better by keeping an open heart, as long as we're blessed enough to breathe.