This Entire Time

It started off by never being grateful. By being too stuck in my ways and for never appreciating the world for what it is. This precious place beaten down by the hatred and evil of people from what they assume as the worst of it by being the way they proceed to live their life.

These unholy ways of believing in materialistic objects over having healthy morals and the fact that the values of those whose influence is given the most attention carries on a dramatic applause of hating our self and hating the world and all that it has to offer to us.

We could ever be quite deserving of the beauty hidden behind the ugly nature we the people have allowed the world to know. That our sadness comes from unknown issues that need attention. That not knowing what causes us to live in such a state is only pushing us further and further away from peace.

World peace is possible and world peace is needed but there will never be peace on earth until there is peace in society and the worst part about not having peace in society is that it then causes global issues to take a back seat to the issues we as a world face on the daily and saying that i mean that things like world hunger, poverty and pollution ever continue to exist because the more developed nations deal with crime,violence, and more people to people issues on a daily scale which then sets a distraction to those that want to do something good because we are always living in fear of whats going to happen next.

Its an everyday daily thing which is tearing the planet a part and is making we the people confused and angry to what is going on. I truly beg to differ that the matter is in our own hands and that we just need more to care and more to do the most when it comes to protecting our world. This entire time i believed life was a joke but now I'm seeing that its nothing funny the way we allow people to hurt, suffer, and die even. That this entire time i thought to blame the world for my problems when everything is human built and at the cost of my sadness that my personal problems are not my fault or the worlds fault.

Maybe not even necessarily anyone's fault but the guilt is still there and my insecurities creep up on me without a destination or a home to go back to. I seem to always be finding excuses to just not do my part in society. Almost like i'm being a burden but yet i have this passion deep in my heart to see if i'd ever be able to turn this place around. Since honestly to enjoy life we must only aim to live in fun everyday and be as loving as we possibly can be to our self, our loved one's, and our fellow somebody's. We cannot keep maintaining a backwards idea that negative things are "normal" or are even "allowed" to be "accepted" by us or by anyone. Especially anyone!

Since in a proper life no one needs to be harming them self or their people's because staying blessed should be motivation enough to continue on being a respectable living somebody. When today’s already in the happening I wonder why do we continue to stretch out and wait for a ‘better’ moment to do something good for our better sake of life.

It’s in our power yet procrastination seems to be overtaking our will to live and see better within our own lives. Or at least that’s what it’s like for me. It’s just a super bad habit of not feeling like doing something even when or especially when it’s crucial to mending your life and letting it be better.

Being a soft spoken person I genuinely believe it draws in so much positive attention and that’s what the world needs. Instead of the scary happenings going on on the daily and what not that we all witness from the daily evening news broadcasts. That this life is truly beautiful it’s just our actions, our flaws, our quick to react reactions, our assumptions that aren’t precise, things that just mess with our mood or so to say our way of living in whatever way seems to have been making us content with or in this place.

I am constantly wondering why I feel as though im not good enough when it’s my feelings that get in the way of me being grateful for this life and my existence in it. Some days it feels like I’m doing okay other times I feel like I’m done for but it never gets levelled out to the point where I feel safe or secure in anything I do. Wishing I could just embrace the wonderful things that have blessed me and my life. My beliefs keep changing but I need to focus on the matter that even though I lived a childhood of extreme loneliness and mental health issues I must accept the fact that those things do not define me and that I am worth love. I am worthy of more blessings. I am supposed to be happy so I can then on spread my happiness onto others.

Noticing my errors I just want to feel in a way where I can never be insecure to the idea that things are too good for me. Maybe we need things to be a little better to motivate us to strive to make things actually better in our day to day lives. Why must it make me insane that things are not okay in our lives?

That this place is so emotionally run down that our peoples literally hate this place and we feel way too far gone to actually do anything meaningful. It’s because people don’t believe in happiness whether that be personal happiness or general happiness people just don’t seem to want to manifest something as great of a thing into our system. It’s leaving us saddened from the lack of action but the world will never know until it gets told.