There Is No Shame In Falling... The Shame Is In Staying There

This advice has helped me through some very dark days. After I lost my mother, my family, and the man I was to marry, I seemed to spiral in a downward direction and encountered many losses in my life both personally and financially. I kept hearing these words as I fell and tried to pull myself out of the pit I felt trapped in.

There is nothing wrong with falling in life. We all fall down and sometimes it is easier for others to pull themselves up. Some never do. I am glad I am one of those people who did. However, what about the ones who feel they cannot? They may have no one in their life to offer support or words of comfort. That is where you come in.

I am sure as I write this that each one of us knows someone who needs us. Maybe a new mother is sinking and afraid to ask for help. Offer to baby-sit or give her your hair appointment. Cook dinner for her and her husband. Maybe a friend is dealing with a dying parent or spouse. Don’t ask them to call you if they need you, believe me, they need you. Say, “What can I do? I am here for you” and mean it. Don’t just do nothing… do something!

Maybe it’s you who are falling down and can feel yourself as you spiral. Maybe your husband is out of work and too proud to file for unemployment or seek a job is outside his trade. Please remember this... you will rise again. You may fall many times in your life, but it is okay to be there. There is no shame in falling, the shame is in staying there.

My mother had a terrible life growing up. She lived in the coal mining camps of Kentucky and West Virginia and moved often for her Cherokee father to find work in the coal mines. Her childhood was wrought with child abuse, molestation, murder, and fear of the KKK. She was extremely poor and often shunned by other children who were cleaner or wore nicer clothes. Embarrassed, she would shy away from them and it was hard for her to make new friends. She told me how she dreaded the thought of growing up that way. She did not want to be 14 and married and have a baby every nine months. She wanted more for her life, so she got out.

At 16, she left Kentucky and moved to Washington, DC where she went to secretarial school then became an accountant for a large company. She lost her accent and became a socialite on the Washington cocktail party scene. She never looked back. Although she fell many times along the way, she still got up. She was just a child of sixteen with no money, no family, and no fear. I think sometimes in today’s world, children have it too easy. Everything is handed to them and they have no reason to earn it themselves. Not that everyone should grow up the way my mother did, but it made her a better person. She could have stayed in the hills and lived the life she hated but she wanted more, and it took a lot of courage for her to do what she did.

She told me how when he had “made it” in Washington, she bought a new fuchsia suit and hat. She dressed up and took the train back to Kentucky. She thought, ‘I’ll show them! I made it’. When she got off the train, there was no one there and those who worked there didn’t care.

There must be darkness in order to see the stars.

I fell so many times along the way. Each time I fell I thought I would lay there forever. The only thing that kept me going was my Rottweiler Kurgan. I knew without me; he would not survive so I was motivated by another living thing to keep my dying thing moving. I was a mess after my losses. I would spend day after day on the couch, my crying couch, as I called it, in a ball of tears. Each morning I would reluctantly awake and find him licking my face and nudging me to breathe. I had forgotten how until he showed me. With my first breath in the morning, I cursed the fact I was still alive, I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to die - I just didn’t want to live anymore. It was so painful and so lonely, I thought often of suicide. I was never close with a razor blade, bottle of pills or a poison apple however it was on my mind every second of every day. I knew I had a reason to live, he was my reason. All I had loved, everyone I had loved was gone and Kurgan was all I had left, but he was all I needed.

I thought about the shame of staying down, of falling down and lying where I fell. I couldn’t do that to him. Even though I had no one else who cared about me, or so I thought, I could not do that to him. I had to find the strength to carry on.

Many times in our lives we are downtrodden. Many live a life of luxury and rarely see themselves fall but watch as others take the tumble. I never in my life thought I would be in that pit of despair, but I got there, and you know what? Although it was hell on earth, I am so glad I went through it. Yes, I fell, so what, I carry the burden of the original sin of being human.

If you fall, so what... you are only human too and like me you can pick yourself up and try all over again. You can do it.

There is no shame in falling, the shame is in staying there. ♥