The year that feels like a decade

I listed events (Kobe Bryant’s passing, invasion of the locus, & water discovered on the moon) that have happened so far this year, 2020. As we all know, this list is strange, long, and affects everybody, everywhere. I watched local and national news, read up on current events & watched news broadcasts from around the world on YouTube about the events of 2020. Personally, I can not put a list together to demonstrate this year’s overall POWER & UMPHFFF in kicking most of our butt’s. Because I feel overwhelmed by this past year, I decided to find 3 blessings. Surely, I can find 3 positive contributions to the year, right? Of course, I can!

So, we have all experienced this year so differently. I am well aware that things for us this year were VERY unique to Brian & me. I don’t think that there has ever been a year more unique for each of us to live through. When I think of a time period, I often think of the ‘80s or ‘50s, assuming that we return to some form of normalcy, I don’t think that we will be able to categorize the year 2020, at all! If our challenges are different, obviously, our blessings will be different, right?

I learned a lot {sadly} about Black Lives Matter, I learned the beginning and reason behind the movement, the cause for BLM, and the need for Black Lives Matter. {I say sadly because I think it is pitiful that we are in dispute of ANY lives mattering, not dependent on color, age, life choices, or for any other reason!} I am learning about my privileges. Learning this did not make me more or less privileged, it didn’t cause me any physical pain, but it did cause me a lot of emotional pain & discomforts. I believe I am becoming more aware, and I hope to become a part of the solution, and not the problem.

The second blessing 2020 has brought me is a new perspective. In fact, “perspective” has become one of my more commonly used words… “Well, depending on your perspective…”, “but if I change my perspective things really aren’t…”...

Perspective: a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view. --Oxford Languages

It is taking me effort, but I am kind of in the middle of an attitude adjustment. I am grateful that I have been able to find blessings in very stressful times. I am missing the girls, the pain in my heart really hurts (which is the intention of some & works well). The pain of not speaking to two children who I love, the nights I spent holding hair back while they were sick, or the hours I have spent driving them to and from school & activities or going on field trips over the years, this pain is REAL and it hurts more than anything I have ever in my life experienced. I wish I could say my perspective towards missing them is something profound. It is not, I dream about them & then it harms my day. This happens regularly and I normally try to bottle it up until I have an explosion of emotions. Well, this isn’t pretty for those around me & those around me normally are not trying to cause this heartache for me. I am trying to throw all of these sad, hurt, and anxious feelings at God. Literally. I visualize throwing broken pieces of my heart, like baseballs, at airplanes. Classy, right? A grown woman throwing her arms, appearing aimlessly. Nope, it’s not. It looks like it sounds, a temper tantrum. However, I know He has this all under control and that changes my perspective.

The third blessing that has really made a difference in my 2020 is technology! The same technology that I never care to learn, but always want to use? Yes, that technology! Trying to keep #3 a little more on the “lighter” side. If I would have chosen a time for a global pandemic, it might not have been 2020, but that sure has to be better (technology-wise) than the 1990s, or even when they were preparing for Y2K.

So many heroes are standing out right now, and so many of these heroes are using science and technology in ways they had never dreamed possible.

I am not one of those heroes, but I am so lucky to be able to benefit. I order all of our groceries online, I am easily entertained by social media, podcasts, and the overall internet. I am very grateful for being able to keep in regular contact with most of my doctors and the ability to do absolutely all of our banking online, not putting my health in jeopardy to pay our bills.

Without a second thought, the best part of 2020 for me is the technology that is keeping me in touch with so many that I love! It is not a phone call a day with my family. Instead, technology gives me the ability to send my family meme’s at the beginning of the day, and then a few hours later send a text message with a picture of my dog, or the bathroom sink that I just cleaned, I will send the strangest things via text! The same afternoon I might Facebook Message with my mom’s “friend”, then turn around & video chat with my grandparents about what he said!

Then, I might be a little less dramatic the next day & just look up random facts to tell Grandma all about. These facts, well, they are very random. Sometimes, about turkey’s, sometimes which pan is best in the oven, or about rattlesnakes. Grandma & I are not picky, we will talk about what most will never say out loud!

Technology has been a huge part of our lives this year. Obviously, there are limits to everything, but with the comfort that my phone, Chromebook, TV, & Alexa are giving me, I am giving myself a pass. At least for the next… Who knows how long, but I have earned the pass I am giving myself.