The Way It Was

A childhood not that different from some but a world apart from so many. I was raised the eldest of five, our parents were there most of the time, our grandparents, aunts and uncles stepped in where they could and we had a place to call home. Simple, normal, nothing to be concern about right, on the outside we were whole, happy, a typical family unit.

Not unlike many, there lies secrets, stories not spoken, truths never told, skeletons in closets we dare not open the door for fear they may find their way to the light. Well in those cases my childhood was not that different from some. My first childhood memory, I had just turned five and it was my birthday party with all the family: aunts, uncles and cousins who were all younger than me except for two. I recall an embarrassing moment for one of my uncles, I had been bouncing on their lap and all I remember was everyone pointing and laughing at him. At the time my only concern was my younger sister was eating the soap from one of my presents and me running off to tell on her. I do remember that everyone had left that night, my parents too tired to clean up and had gone to sleep. The one uncle had stayed the night and entered my room that I shared with my sister. What I can only bring myself to say was that it was the first of many unwelcome visits. Unfortunately again I say a childhood not that different from some.

From there life seem pretty basic, you woke up, ate, do what kids normally do and go to bed; basic. You don't notice the disfunction going on around you at such a young age. Mom & Dad fighting, Dad sneaking around with family / friend / neighbor, and other family members mishaps. I did notice how our living conditions would change from a warm cozy home to freezing while sleeping on the floor watching rats run back and forth across the kitchen. Those moments where we struggle to find something to eat and watching my father having to sell his tools because it was difficult to find work. We were always together in those days and as long as we went to school, it was just another day to us kids.

It was not until I got a bit older that I started to notice things were not right. Like changing of schools were more frequent, our home being robbed a little more often, strangers coming to see my father, my mother running out the door with a board because they were beating him up, yelling, "Call 911". I began to realize that my life was not like my friends, my family was not the stereo typical Ozzie & Harriet brand that we were raised to believe we were.

I believe I was at least fourteen when the real stuff started to hit the fan and the youngest of us was nine. My mother left, for her reasons at the time, leaving my Dad about the tenth millionth time, which we had come to be use to, knowing that she would come back at some point. This time she didn't which threw my Dad for a loop. We moved again, into my grandparent's house and so we thought. It turned out to be more my aunt's house which included her husband and five children; plus my grandparents and now us. Talk about over crowding, thank goodness it was only temporary because after my Mom tried to visit, we moved again.

This time we were dropped off to where my father had found out where my mother was staying, her brother's; no not that uncle. We got to stay there just a short while with her because again she left. My uncle, his wife and two very young children were kind. They took care of us as best as they could but it was unfair that they should look after us seeing that we had parents and all. Again we move, this time my father tracks her down at her sister's. We got to stay with them for a very short time. That first night we watched a movie "Flowers in the Attic", well to say the least, we connected with the characters. We despised the mother who discarded her children like they were a burden, could you blame us at the time. My brother connected so well that he saw it as his opportunity to tell my mother how he truly felt, after some tug of war, my mother was off again. After this, we never lived together as a whole family ever again, I believe it was a mutual decision between us five minors and two adults.

My father finally got the hint and moved us into an apartment that was a blessing and a curse all at the same time. The blessing was that we were together and not moving from place to place. I was of age not to work, we were back in school, I had friends that I got to visit and we had a yard to play in. Life was good again, we even had one of my aunt's and her family come live with us. It was a time when you went to play outside until the lights came on and then it was time to go home.

The good times was short lived, a storm was a brewing and we kids had no idea what was in store for us. My aunt's family moves out, my mother begins to show up with a baby in tow and my father goes to jail leaving us five to fend for ourselves. I was just sixteen and the youngest eleven, we had my Dad's brother come and check on us from time to time. He would take me grocery shopping because we at least we had food stamps coming in for us and he would bring by my grandmother, we did not understand much she would tell us. We knew she cared.

During this time my mother stops coming by, again for her reasons. My mother's family starts to come around because they have not heard from us in a while. So does the landlord, bill collectors and requests from the school asking to speak to our parents about grades and so forth. We were together and not split apart like both sides of the family wanted to do when my parents divorced. I could only imagine what they had planned for us which we only found out when other cousins of ours were in the similar fates but were too young to go it alone like we did.

We were able to fend them off but only for so long. For some reason the stamps had run out and my uncle could not afford to front us money til my father got out. At this time months have past and I had no way of reaching my mother. I had been working, found out later so was my eleven year old brother, him and a friend were stocking shelves in some liquor store. It was not enough to support us all, so it was decided the two younger ones was going to move in with my uncle who lived in the neighborhood and the two older ones went and stayed with friends. I moved around from hotel rooms to where ever I can rest my head. Still managing to go to school and hold down a job.

My mother was eventually contacted and she tried to convince us to move in with her and her new family. That did not sit well with the rest of us. Eventually my father does get out after six months living on our own and after a few adjustments to his living free because he had kids to take care of; he was home. Not the same man, when he got out a little more darker than I remember him being; as we soon found out. Of course, when he came home my mother stop visiting again. It's funny how life covers up so much darkness so you can get through it; at times.

Things happen that I was not present or even aware of until years later when they came to light. I leave those tales to those that were present and if they wish to share them in their own time. What I will share is what I did witness and what they sent back to us was a changed man. I recalled a time when my sister had gotten in such a heated argument with my father that she wished him back to prison. It took me and my brother holding down each of his arms from beating the living daylights out of her. After that no one wanted to stay in the apartment with him alone or otherwise.

I was getting older now, I had just run a household taking care of four siblings and myself, so I could no longer live under my father's rule. I left before my Dad got home from work just after we got out of school. I took only my bike and a small bag of clothes and off I went to my boyfriends house and his parents. I continued to go to school and checked in on my siblings to see how they were doing. After some doing I was coax back home, it was either that or go to foster living or a place of wayward teens since I, myself did not experience any abuse. It was short lived.

We were all getting older and my Dad did not worry about the older three as much as the younger two. As long as we were back by nightfall or phoned where we were staying it was no longer an issue. When I turned seventeen I went out on my own, again. I was more away from home those days anyway. Close to graduating, me and my then boyfriend moved out of his mother's and got an apartment a few blocks away. We were doing our own thing, I was determine to graduate and he had other plans. Needless to say, it did not work out, he moved out and I went back home defeated.

My family had moved while I was gone first back to my grandmother's and then to their own place, not a problem you would think. Well not much had changed on the home front, the older two were still more not home than home and the younger two were left under my father's care - as I left them. These days were more heartbreaking because I finally got to see first hand what I left them to. I had picked up two jobs to help out the household, the older siblings too had started working more to survive themselves than to help out. I could not blame them because they did not know how else to live.

The younger two, were at least going to school but when they got home, the TV was there. My mother visited but never asked again if any of us wanted to live with her and by this time she had baby number two to care for as well. My father was working but rarely stay home himself out supporting someone else's family, who ever he was dating at the time. So again I was left running the household, handing over money to pay the bills even though most were in my name and leaving myself what I could to survive. If you could picture how bad it was in my eyes, I had to ask my date to pick up dinner for them and pay for it because I did not have enough. My father staying longer away from home, sometimes weeks on end.

It was time for everyone to move again, my father found someone to marry him. The big reveal was that they were moving everyone north to live with his bride and two children. I was not going with, one thing I did learn was it does not work when two or more individuals try to run a household; someone always has to be right. Reluctantly I let them leave with a promise that they were going to be taken care of, all the while offering them a way out to come live with me at now nineteen.

On my own, with no one to fall back on or place to run to. Please forgive me, I did have extended family around to call or visit but no one I would bother with my troubles. I truly was on my own this time, my biggest challenge was being alone. My Dad came to visit with the two younger siblings on occasion but I would not move out of state. This is where I believe I started on my path to becoming the person I am today.

I experienced so much more than I could ever cover during those years. I have been shot at, nearly been run over by inches of my life, almost raped, gang bang, near missed situations where someone wanted to kidnap me either for prostitution or sex trafficking and somehow I survived. My later years are more of work, church and various charitable duties but dull, none eventful compared to than - normal. If you look at me now, you would not have any idea where I have come from.