The Time is Now

I will admit, two years ago, I would have been the last person you wanted advice from, for mindfullness, meditation, and balanced life.

Sadly, I have been, and probably still am, the poster child for over preparing, over analyzing, and over achieving. But! I am here to tell you, it does not have to be this way, and every little change of habits, can change your life....little by little.

15 years ago, I moved from Taiwan to The United States for the "American Dream." The way I was brought up in my culture, the hardships I have encountered in a foriegn country (those are some stories to tell, but I will stick to the topic today) made me who I am today.

From the material world, I am this badass boss babe, who has no fear for whatever comes my way. In seven years, I was promoted once a year, I moved around the country and lived in some world class destinations, including Hawaii. Sounds amazing, doesn't it? It was not until the last two years of hustling or so, I realized my sucess was tied to my extreme anxiety (that tries to be perfect) and my low self esteem. Thank you Brene Brown.

It was a very forceful realization at the age of 35. I have all the things I can have in the world, I travel abroad twice a year, and still has a pretigious job when I get back. But the truth is, deep down, I do not feel joy. And I woke up one morning in panic, uttering "I am turing 36, WTF am I doing with my life?"

And that was the day I broke free. Free from self limiting beliefs, free from feeling not being enough (still a work in progress) and free from my desire to be seen as a certain successful image. Mind you, this did not come easy. Before the realization, I started binge reading some inspiring books such as everything Brene Brown has written, as well as Dr. Joe Dispenza's Becoming Supernatural.

With the books, and the determination of living a life that is meaningful to ME, I am now able to slowly adjusting, slowly changing my habits, and slowly feeling joy and and calmness in my life. 5 years ago, I would have never thought "calmness" is the way of life. I lived for the thrill, the hustle and bustle of the luxurious hospitality work. If it was not chaotic, I would not have felt alive. Sounds familiar?

So here it is........what do I mean by changing the habits? I do not have a step by step tutorial for us to follow. I can only remember, before all the anxiety, depression, low self esteem started, I was fearless and cool as a cucumber for "unforeseen" obsticles. That in fact, was one of the reasons why I developed anxiety, because of my coolness and free spirits, I messed up, and I leanred the hard way. But the trick is to find balance between planned and unplanned. I am working my way to find that balance. So can you.

As a starter, I started meditation. Again, never in a million years I would think this was the solution, because I thought this was just something "cool" that everyone follows, and I could NEVER sit still. So if I could find balance and calmness in my life by meditating, so could you. Now I look forward to the time at night before going to bed, for that five minutes of being present in my being, and falling asleep naturally (previously, I have to watch shows, and that definately disturbed the sleep quality.) The fear of quietness surrounding us and fear of not being able to relax (because of the mind is opening 10 differnt tabs before we go to bed) is exactly what would make you appreciate, and succeed in meditation.

In between my morning meditation, an unexpected blow up in emotions during the day (which now these triggers are easier to identify, and navigate), and my nightly meditation before bed, I slowly find that being uncertain, and letting things go (not not standing up for yourself, but letting uneccessary thought patterns go) have helped me sleep better at night, and more restful to face my daily challenges.

I still have no fears for whatever comes my way, but in a way that I do not have to plan for the defense, all I am doing, is to embrace the uncertainties and I actually find a lot more joy in doing so.

Are you ready to make a small chane in your life? The time is now :)