The Time I Felt Lost

Remember when as children we saw adults as people who had all the answers?

We waited to grow up to have everything figured out, like them. But then, as we got older, we realized that it’s not like that at all.

On the contrary, the more adult you are, the more doubts you have. There is more uncertainty in the face of the unknown and every day you wonder if you are on the right path.

A few days ago, that feeling was too much for me. I’ve had doubts before, but lately, the uncertainty has been overwhelming. Needing answers and not getting any paralyzed me and made me feel lost.

I got to the point where I needed to take a few days. I didn’t know exactly what I would do, but I couldn’t go on like this.

I took a break from social media, from work, and from college. I told myself that I must find answers or else… I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I guess to be at the same point where I started. But with two days of accumulated work.

I really didn’t do much. It’s not like there’s a “What am I doing with my life?” section in the public library. I was tempted to read some self-help books but I’m not a fan of those.

The only thing that occurred to me was to call my parents. Mainly because I miss them, but I thought that at least they would have to say something.

“Man up, son. You’ll be fine.”

That’s the response I expected from my father. Luckily, that wasn’t his reply at all.

After small talk and anecdotes about our cat Wilson eating Mom’s plants, I dropped the bomb.

“When you were my age, did you expect to be where you are now at your age?”

There was silence.

Dad was the first to answer:

“No. I had no idea he would be here.”

“Where did you picture yourself being at this point?” I asked.

“I didn’t. Thinking about where I would be at my age seemed a long way off. I didn’t even know where I’d be a year from then.”

That line hit hard.

“At some point in your lives, everything became clear, and did you get the answers?”

“You never really get answers. Not all of them, at least.” Mom added.

Dad continued:

“You take one step, then another, and then another until you find yourself in a totally different place. You do what you can with what you have at the moment and hope you’ve made the right decisions.”

“Do you feel like you made the right decisions?” I dared to ask.

“Yes.”

They both responded almost instantly.

Knowing that my parents felt the same way I do now was shocking to me. Also, discovering that they never really stopped feeling made me understand something.

They made many mistakes in their youth and they regret many things. However, all of that led them to where they are today.

We are not in a crisis of the 20s or 30s. We are not supposed to know who we are, because we haven’t become that yet.

Feeling lost and without answers is something normal, it is not a crisis that only some of us suffer.

I can’t say that I now have no doubts about the path my life is taking, but I can feel that I feel at peace with not knowing.

Uncertainty is okay because it pushes us to explore and seek those answers. It is practically inevitable, I would say. But you can make the search not horrifying, rather it can be exciting.

It’s okay to feel lost. It means that the only thing left for us to do is find ourselves.