The Tattoo that changed my entire life.

This is the story of how a tattoo changed my entire life. No, this tattoo is not the best example of technical perfection by any means. Some may say it doesn’t even make sense but to me, this tattoo is everything.

I have been an artist since early childhood, stealing 3 of my mom’s different lipstick shades and drawing friends inside my closet at age 3 for her to find later. Instead of anger, she and my dad celebrated my “out of the box” perspective and encouraged my artistic spirit throughout the course of my life. I have always lived and breathed art and decided to dedicate my education to master my artistic skills. After high school, I fell “in love” and being young and naive, I lost myself in a boy. This boy just so happened to be addicted to heroin and after six months of trying to save him and change him, I eventually joined him. I became a heroin addict. My art stopped. My creative inspiration was gone. My artistic spirit was dead. Nothing else mattered besides chasing the high and then chasing the drug that made me high so I didn’t get sick from withdrawals. It lasted years and I had lost every ounce of creativity and motivation as well as my friends, family and myself. After overdosing and feeling lucky to be alive, I chose to get clean. I chose to get clean again and again and again. During these times the only thing that helped distract myself from the pain was drawing in my sketch book. I was awkward from dissociating myself from everyone yet my sketch book was a safe universe where I was in control. One day, I painted. I painted and I painted and I painted. Every canvas I owned was a new work of art. Then, as I sweat and kicked and tried to sleep, I had an idea. I painted through the night and into the next. Through the Keyhole emerged from my mind and out of my fingertips. The painting portrayed a point of view showing a grundgy, dark, cracked door with a keyhole. Through the keyhole was a swirling wave and through the eye of the wave was a serene sunset shining behind the silhouette of an island. To me this island represented where I wanted to someday be. The island was a symbol of happiness, freedom and tranquility. The wave, a symbol of beautiful trials and tribulations. The keyhole, a symbol of seeing what I wanted but feeling locked away from even beginning the journey. It was then that I decided to get clean for good and make it to that island. My mother helped me sell all of my belongings and paintings except that one. I moved to a new state and started a new life finding the real me. I was art. I was creation. I was unstoppable. I hung that painting where I would see it everyday. After I finally felt comfortable and strong again in my own being, I met a tattoo artist who loved my portfolio. They asked if I had ever thought of tattooing and I confessed that it had always been a dream of mine but self doubt and self harm had always gotten in the way. They took a chance on me and got me into the industry. I completed my apprenticeship after 6 months of constant learning and tattooing. I told myself that I would tattoo something on myself when I finished my hours. Something that meant the most. It was the keyhole. I eagerly attempted to stretch my own skin and drive the colorful ink smoothly into my arm. It covered self harm scars and was somewhere I could see it every moment of every day. It didn’t end up exactly like the painting but that was ok because now I could carry it with me. I could carry that reminder everywhere I went so I never forgot how far I had come. I have now been a professional tattoo artist for almost 9 years and I just celebrated a decade clean. Looking back at when I painted that painting, I was stuck behind the broken door. I squeezed through the keyhole and was beaten into the sea by wave after wave after wave. Finally, I surfaced and pulled my soggy, sea soaked soul onto the golden shores. I turned around and saw something far in the distance. Squinting, I saw in the very center of the biggest wave, a keyhole locking away a dark room full of past and pain. I then realized, I had reached the island and that is where I would always stay. This tattoo is a constant reminder of how far I have come, how hard I have climbed and how much love I now feel from all those in my life but especially myself.

This tattoo changed my entire life because I chose to do the same.