The Secret to Resilience is Consistency and Self Reflection

Our collective human experience in the last year has demonstrated the importance of opening our hearts and minds to connect to one another in new ways and share our stories of courage and resilience. It is a part of our modern conversations to discuss the importance of resilience and how we can adapt to be more resilient in the face of adversity, stress and fatigue. Our resilience is a part of our human experiences and how we have consistently applied our strengths into our sense of sense, which takes discipline and time. The solution to being or becoming a resilient person is something that is developed with consistency and self-reflection, not over night. Our resilience is a part of how our inner courage allows us to be vulnerable and uncertain of ‘what is next,’ with the hope and knowledge that our resilience will keep us going. For those that have walked with their darkness know that being a resilient person takes a lot of quiet courage and self-reflection.

As emotionally and physically exhausting as it can be, being resilient is a mark of one’s character that can only be developed with time. Through consistency, our resilience builds in us as a part of who we are and how we come to face the challenges before us and how we choose to react.

I am often asked, “how are you so resilient” or “how do I become resilient” or “where do you get your resilience from?” Embracing the raw answer to these questions isn’t as straightforward as some would want to hear. I feel our society has a pair of sparkly rose coloured glasses on when it comes to resilience. The reality is, for people that are resilient, it takes a lot of inner strength, hard lessons and time to be the resilient person they become. And it isn’t always pretty. It can be some of the most challenging experiences that enable a person to be resilient. But it doesn’t always have to be so painful if we reflect on how it has the potential to serve a greater purpose. Great leaders are able to reflect on their failures and their hardships; reflection is a human experience and what our complex lives, difficult experiences and inevitable challenges impart with us is an ability to find our inner wisdom, strength and our ability to connect to deeper parts of ourself to embrace the next step with confidence.

The ability to turn a ‘trauma into triumph’ moment is one of the greatest human archetypes of the hero’s journey. When I reflect on my darkest hours, I am able to also see some of the greatest beauty in my strength and resilience being intertwined with that deeply human experience as well. I see myself in others who have also faced hardships and I see how my inner strength and resilience has become a part of my ability to reflect, embrace my creative mindset and use my energy towards a greater goal of self-leadership and empowering others to achieve their remarkable potential.

When we focus on the magical end of ‘becoming resilient’ we can often overlook the journey of becoming resilient. My reply to these questions is, “I kept standing back up and walking through the battlefield again and again, while deep mental, emotional and physical wounds are inflicted. I kept my eye on the horizon of a better day with gratitude in my heart for all that I have at the moment; I kept walking one step after another over the battlefield of broken glass. I allowed the warm tears of pain to roll down my face. I allowed myself to fall to my knees. I allow myself to be picked up off the ground by my loved ones, only to stumble and fall again. I allowed myself to feel nothing. I allowed myself to feel everything. I allowed myself to rest and picture what giving up would look like. I allowed myself to be vulnerable. Once you have walked this battlefield long enough, you no longer feel the glass cutting your feet, and eventually, your skin becomes so strong the glass doesn’t cut it anymore.”

So how do you become resilient? You spend time in your pain and darkness, genuinely experiencing it. And you reflect on how it builds as a part of your character. Resilience, I believe, is the process of replacing negativity with creativity and the inner wisdom we learn from pain and hardships to not only guide us but also become the light that others see in the power of being strong.

To further embrace my experiences of physical and emotional trauma, I have had to consider how I've spent time in this darkness and reflect on it without being consumed by it. To keep walking through the battlefield, with the self-awareness that empowers you to take control of your reality; life is about choices and options, how we react to challenges and how we face our adversity. When we realise our pain has the ability to be someone else’s survival guide, we can see how important we are for each other in the collective experience of being a vulnerable human. When we choose to react to life’s challenges and embrace our inner leadership to steer our lives in the direction we want it to go, we can reflect on how the challenges we face can make us or break us.

Each and everyone of us has the ability to reflect and be resilient if they face how their darkest moments have taught them about a deeper part of their character. This takes consistency, to own our own darkest moments with courage and reflection, we begin to learn about our greatest strengths and weaknesses.

Having an awareness of how we are reacting and responding to situations allows us to be proactive and not reactive, as well as finding acceptance for your current situation and seeing the path of how to change it. Self-awareness brings clarity to the situation and allows you to become the Master of your emotions and not let them be the Master of you. I have a self-audit checklist that I go through and answer to take stock of where I am mentally, emotionally and physically present; I look for areas which overwhelm me and then I develop a strategy and implement a plan to address this.

One of my greatest passions is the use of an authentically positive mindset – once you have awareness and clarity, the power of a positive attitude will be your tool to turn what is perceived as a negative experience or situation into a positive one. You need to actively focus on the potential positives, even in your darkest moments and consider the outlook from your inner wisdom. This doesn’t mean you shy away from hard emotions or difficult experiences, it means that what you say to yourself and others is a reflection of the narrative you are telling yourself about your journey.

The remarkable potential and inner courage that we all have to serve a greater purpose beyond our greatest struggles is a great asset to bring to any community or endeavour and when we see our positive mindset as a part of that character building, we can authentically be there for others and help them see and feel their own remarkable potential. I have my gratitude list that I will refer to in those moments when I feel my world is burning down around me and there is nothing positive to consider. An attitude of gratitude and mindset that knows how to embrace challenges with a focus on what they can do.. Even if you just need 10 minutes for yourself to reset, be grateful for who you are and the gifts that you can share with others. Be kind to yourself, you didn’t go through all those difficult times and challenges to give up on yourself and those around you.

Courageous purpose is what will motivate you to keep your eyes on the horizon, to find the strength to pick yourself up when you are stable and will be your true north guiding you through your darkest moments. It is our infinite reason for why we do what we do and the courageous purpose that will give us a reason to keep going. My courageous purpose is to help others see their remarkable potential and to empower leadership in my community.

Self-leadership is how you empower yourself; it is the process of accepting responsibility for your success and allows you to keep walking forward even when you think you can’t take another step. You can have all the support and guidance in the world but at the end of the day it is all down to you to take action and develop the traits and habits that will cultivate your success. Or to contrast, maybe you don’t have the right support and it all seems difficult, but this is a part of the lesson as well.

We need to surround ourselves with a network of people that can inspire us to be the better version of ourselves. This can be from the smallest of choices, to being that person that helps out someone for nothing in return, or the choice to read a book on a new topic and share that with someone you know. The choice to be diplomatic when others are being combative and to see that kindness and the civic responsibility to serve our community is a huge part of our choice of self-leadership. When we strive to embrace our remarkable potential, others look to us as natural leaders and can be inspired by this choice as we all have the potential to do it, we just have to make the choices! And the beauty of this is that we can do it in our own unique way, embracing our creativity as a part of resilience; the wisdom we have learned through our personal challenges and adversity will always be important for our community because as humans we are more alike in our challenges and darkness than different.

Remember to be kind to yourself, to look after your mind and body. To have self-compassion. Remain committed to your goals and flexible in your approach to achieving them. Embrace failure, reframing it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Be courageous, you can and will achieve your dreams.