The 'No Shade' Initiative

If you had the opportunity to take a new perspective on life in efforts to make your community better...would you?

[BACK IN THE DAY]

I often pondered over that question. I used to receive it quite often in high school by what seemed to be a delusional hippie like character better known as my philosophy teacher. At times, seemingly appearing to hold on to whatever existence that maintained his relevancy. He was cool though--I most likely would be in the same category at his age.

The best thing about high school was transferring my sophomore year and meeting my best friend June! See, I'm a military brat- my family has been traveling from base to base ever since I can remember so it's hard to keep up with peers. It's a fact that June and I are considered to be the 'weirdos' amongst the unpopular girls. It affected me some, but June NEVER cared about that crap! I loved her for that alone! I remember one day at school in a group of popular girls-- you know, the ones who seemed to always have it together often putting grown women to shame? Well I recall one day in particular, I confidently walked up to them to introduce myself.

I swear they all did the once over in unison and burst out laughing...I didn't even look that bad truth be told. So much for that one, right? Maybe deep down I knew that making it into the in-crowd could be a possible defeat. So it wasn't that. What really triggered me was how they all used to hover and crowd around this little black book (or LLB known to all students and faculty sadly) dying of laughter. That kind of laughter where for a split second you must put all conscious effort to breathe or its all over. I envied that laughter sometimes. Even the way everyone around me seemed to fit with one another like puzzle pieces.

I appreciated June who often questioned why I even bothered to join such a ' shady crew of misfits', a phrase that she knew made me laugh hysterically. Well, at least my girl helped. 'Seriously Patience, they are shady AF,' she yelled from the bathroom stall.

Sadly, the girls room became our only safe haven in between classes. Apparently we were to animated for the library- imagine that. 'We should start our own initiative to dismantle the shady bots', June added as her personal life mission.

The LBB seemed to get around amongst the in-crowd. Not shocking that I wasn't a part of it of course. It still harbored over this as the the loud splat from June's stall broke me from my trance of spiraling thoughts. There it was! No, not that! I snatched up the LBB that slid from under June's stall and into my anticipating hands as I thumbed through the pages.

Oh my God June! How did you manage to grab the book? I laughed greedily and so proud of June's dangerous risk taking abilities that I almost missed her entry on the second to last page of the LBB. Apparently this was volume 8.

Patience is a weirdo. Such a sad little creature.

She smells funny too. She's so ******' awkward

She probably won't amount to much of anything.

Yesterday, I heard she....

We both stood still with only the stall door temporarily serving as a shield. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The last thing I remember as the toilet flushed, was my friendship with my best friend who was unbeknownst to me, my enemy. As I read on, I dropped the book after June's signature sealed the death of our friendship.

'I'm...so...sorry Patience' was the last vivid memory I had of June. We stood face to face as the tears simultaneously dropped from our eyes and I walked out of that school.

[FIFTEEN YEARS LATER]

Teens and young adults need help nowadays. I never rule myself out of that category, so I volunteer...a lot. It's a kind of selfish/ selfless thing I do. My life hasn't equated too much- guess the mean girls were right. Being a military brat, my family continued to move from place to place...and I went with them even well into my adult years. I finally decided to relocate to a familiar setting after realizing that my moves were more symbolic to running away.

I serve as a youth peer counselor for teens of active duty and military veterans in the community. I adore my BRATS! They are Bold Radical Authentic Troopers of Service- a positive spin on a negative term as we all decided. I love them all and sincerely respect and admire their bravery. Oh man. But this one girl, her attitude could stand to lighten up a bit. I show compassion due to the ironic notion that my dad used to tell me the same thing.

Her name was Faith. She couldn't stand me for whatever reason. It killed me inside to accept the fact that feelings were mutual at times. Faith got the best of me...it didn't dawn on me that she reminded me of those means girls back in the day.

I shook it off as I understood the reasons behind frustrations. This one group session in particular, Faith went out of her way to trigger every negative emotion I had in me!

One day in session, rather than discuss feelings and coping skills we opted out for brain teasers and optical illusions. We spend that majority of the time looking at art and pictures, each deciding for themselves what they saw.

Interesting how one image or experience can be interpreted so many different ways. One of my BRATS noted this as 'the negative space'. In art, it is the space usually surrounding the main image. Interestingly enough, the background can also take on a form of its own, changing the way the image is perceived. In theory things are never as they appear, especially depending on the observer---and even then the frame of mind in which they possess.

That day in particular the group ranted on about optical illusions. Faith made eye contact with me, smirked, then proceeded to pull out a small black book to begin writing. Needless to say, I completely LOST it!

'Get the hell out of my room!' I screamed as the group jumped up startled and confused. Faith just shrugged her shoulders and walked out with slow and dramatic deliberation.

Two weeks later, I sat at the park not too far from the community center thinking about what had become of my life. I received a written notice and was asked to resign from volunteering with the military teens. It broke my heart honestly, as it was the only thing I had to look forward to. Being around my BRATS gave me a sense of purpose and belonging.

As I drowned my sorrows in my favorite ice cream slightly envying the birds that flew above, an alarmingly familiar voice inquired from behind the bench where I sat.

"Hey. Ms. Patience...can we go for a walk?"

***

Right after I discovered that June was a contributing author to the LBB, I cut off all ties with her and relocated with my family once again. Usually, it didn't matter to me, but leaving June did hurt. The only thing that got me through was knowing that most, if not all of my friendships never lasted too long. June did reach out a few times, but my anger and pride never allowed me to take the call.

June was someone I trusted. I told her a LOT of things and embarrassing secrets. We even talked about running our own business one day. That's how close we were in such a significantly short period of time.

I discovered that my dear friend gave birth to a baby the following year... June didn't survive due to complications in labor.

Faith pulled out the black book once again. This time I didn't shudder or fly off the handle. I waited with a peaceful anticipation.

In the noticeably blank black book were two envelopes. Faith gave me the first to read.

Dear Patience,

You are my sister, and I love you very much. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I was so sick of that shallow lifestyle. Before we met, I was a part of that stupid crew of mean girls. One of their brothers took advantage of me one night at a party. I attempted to reveal it to everyone, so I was humiliated even more.

School was such an awful place to me until YOU got there! You were so chill and never cared about superficial crap...I both admired and envied that.

Remember, we were going to start our own organization to prevent bullying and spread awareness?

We used to argue over who would be the President? Well I know We STILL 'got this' and will make it happen one day!

Patience, for what it's worth, I hope you'll accept my apology one day. I have total faith.

I love you sis!

Sincerely,

June Watts

Vice President of The NSI, INC.

I stared into the eyes of Faith who in an instant became so obviously familiar. Our tears matched as they pooled and hit the floor. The same way June and mine did several years prior. Those eyes, once filled with rage and resentment, became so lovingly vulnerable. It turns out that Faith held resentment for me for not being there for June during her pregnancy, even if she did not necessarily know her mother.

Faith was adopted by her maternal grandmother Ms. Hope, who recalled me as being such a dear friend to June. She knew about the LBB and how it was the thing that destroyed such a beautiful friendship. Ms. Hope also knew about our dreams and goals for creating our organization. This non-profit was geared toward shaming and bullying prevention, of which myself and June are both survivors in our own right, respectively.

As Faith handed me the second envelope, I said a loving prayer for my very best friend and asked her forgiveness. In June's honor I made a vow to also address the effects of peer pressure and having to conform societal standards due to shaming and toxic relationships.

I opened the envelope and gasped. I shook my head lovingly and smiled at June's love, friendship, and forgiveness that transcended space and time.

There it was...a check for $20,000 made out to Ms. Patience Holloway, CEO for The 'No Shade' Initiative.

Welp...guess who will be my first volunteer?