The Miscommunication Situation

We all have a point to make, we have something of virtue and value to express to another.

We all don't know how our conversations start, and think "well maybe if I said the last part in the first place, then they wouldn't have made that remark about me that isn't true."

In the event of getting the confidence to reveal what to say is stress inducing on top of the stress that already lingered. To be vulnerable to a friend that we trust or want to take a chance on trusting. There is a embedded presumptive nature to assume the other will be not be accommodating to receiving information in a concerned way.

The inner turmoil is that the other person will misunderstand what you have said, either it was a casual topic or a personal reveal. It is nerve racking to experience your own words not being understood to someone. Then it is frustrating to keep control of the conversation for your statement to be correctly conveyed, and not permanently placed in the misconstrued state.

Sometimes it can be a gamble on who I've decided to be open with to certain friends, I've gotten lucky and had a friends that were courteous and respectful to what I'm trying to say.

Years ago, a friend of mine picked me up for cupcakes and cocoa. She wanted to know what was going on with my mental health. She knew for a year about how bad my life was getting and I hit a point in my depression that got to me. She knew going into this conversation with me that I had to say whatever it was I needed. Before having coffee with her, I kept trying to tell loved ones and other friends what was going on, only for my words to be misconstrued. I felt that no one was getting the point and no one wanted to try. This friend of mine knew the duress I was in, to try and say what I had to. She just said outright, "Just tell me what your trying to say in your own way."

That stern sentiment gave me the biggest relief to know that someone was willing to listen and truly understand what I was trying to say. I told her what was happening with my mental health, how it got so bad. It gave me the sense of comfort that she gave me the freedom to say exactly what it was and we would work towards trying to figure out what I was trying to say so she could understand. I may have not known how exactly I was going to say the personal problems to my friend, but she was ready and willing to understand without being presumptive.

Being open does lead to the anxiety driven fear factor idea that someone will not cooperate to listen.

In my opinion, there is nothing worse to someone's mental health then having their own plea to be derailed from the point they were trying to make. There is a silent suffering in the psyche of having to sit there and watch the words get twisted around.

You might be like me and find it difficult to convey what to say with the self-criticism and self-defeating traits that are embedded into the psyche after years of struggling. When someone, whether it is a friend or acquaintance

It's hard not to think of a negative outcome, that might be hard to do for someone that struggles with social anxiety or depression, after years of being self-critical and self-defeating. I struggle with it for years, I still endure it myself.

I have friends that will be trying to say something, I keep my mouth shut because I know that they've struggled with being vulnerable and I don't want to deprive them of their moment to say something, or intervene to try and guess what they're trying to say. They don't do the same to me and out of respect for them.

There are some that possible reasons people don't mean to misinterpret. Some get overzealous and want to just talk, that's understandable. There are some that just blurt out what they say, that's understandable.

It doesn't help that someone might be doing any of these-

• Railroading your sentences
• Interrupting to the point that you have to repeat your sentence in order for it to be entirely heard because of the priority to have the whole point said.
• Ridiculing what your trying to say thinking that it's a joke or pawning it off as a joke. Sometimes the other person may accidentally interpret everything as a joke but should still have the common courtesy to be serious if the person trying to say something is starting to lose patience. Because it's never funny of depriving someone of what they are saying no matter the context in topic.

Those points are going to be mentioned throughout this article. I'll have sections that covers ground of what I've experienced to give the sense of comfort if you have experienced these situations.

These are the signs of what someone has been doing to you, I only want to recognize what happens to give this to ruminate on, then it'll be up to you how you use these piece of information to access if the person your talking to will truly listen to you and show the care and consideration you deserve from a friend.

Not Taking The Time To Get Back To What You Were Trying To Say

It’s hard to reroute someone back to the point you were trying to make under pressure to maintain a calm and cohesive point. That moment when a simple conversation is twisted and misunderstood.

I've had to rehearse what I want to say over and over because of having to pre-cope with the fact that there is a possibility I'll be derailed from the conversation. I've had the misfortune of telling friends about what was going on and then I was interrupted, then the conversation shifted away as if it set sail, and my topic was stuck at the harbor.

Sometimes I've been able to carefully intervene and reroute back to the conversation. I don't think too negatively on it about my friend or acquaintance I was talking to. It gave me the insight that this person does care, they just forget to go back to the point. People can be forgetful like that and that's OK. But if it happens too often, then this friend might just be too selfish and inconsiderate without being on accident. Keep that in mind so you'll know who to go to for the future instead of thinking this person your talking to will change. You need someone who will take the time to listen to all of what you have to say without any points left unsaid.

The Lack of Respect

The point I just closed off on does have a placement of reference in this point, if someone does not go back to what you were trying say then they might have a lack of respect for you.

They might misinterpret because they are truly disrespectful to what you have to say.

Who I am and my placement among my peers isn't respected by all. Not that I demand respect, but it shouldn't be that hard to be quiet and access the information given. It's odd how no one seems to give the courtesy to give the etiquette and respect to listen. It's like someone your talking to only gives you one chance to say what it is.

Constricting to Comedy

Humor can deflect and sometimes give some comfort to make someone feel better. I use humor often to address what's going on. But people often get presumptive that my humor can help me through. But when people have seen how funny I am, it can be be misconstrued when I'm asking for help or being vulnerable, it's not taken serious because they believed I bounced back easily and could heal myself. On times I've tried to tell some people I was in pain, there was a moment they would smile and laugh saying "Oh but your so funny, you'll get through it." My vulnerability was an an after thought for concern.

If you are trying to say something, and someone warps your words into a punchline, they either don't know how to correctly ease the conversation into humor without being shallow selfish comedy, then you need to be direct and tell them it's not funny to constrict your words into comedy. Maybe they'll be accommodating to refrain from humor to stop, it would show the care the concern of remorse by their accidental actions.

If they purposely misinterpret your words, then they need to be out of your life. There is no justifying someone who can be callous and shallow to use your words as funny fodder.

To feel deprived of getting to that point that talking has to be restrained because of the constant misinterpretation because someone won't give the courtesy to explain and instead, they become rude to railroad over the point to vocalize and it's nitpicked.

In the moments I've been railroaded in my sentences, I feel like I have deprive myself to talk out of protecting myself from others that will ridicule what I have to say because they choose not to understand. But it just bubbles up in my blood that I have to sit and be quiet when others get to say what they do. I've given the courtesy to listen, why aren't I given the same courtesy for someone to understand what I have to say. We go above and beyond for others and it's a harsh lesson to re-learn that not everyone will be as kind and polite to listen.

Presumptive and Pushy

Sometimes people don’t mean to misinterpret or interrupt. It goes along way when someone is willing to thoroughly understand what the point is so that way you’re not entirely deprived of what you were trying to vocalize.

But if there is someone who does deliberately be presumptive of your answers and tells you what they think they know without getting your whole story. It’s best to leave them out of your circle if they don’t have the etiquette to listen and can’t respect anything in any of your context .

I feel like I have to talk to explain my entire point without any room for scrutiny or room for someone to make a counter argument to interrupt my point like everything has to count in this one sentence I have to say because of the discomfort I feel knowing that it’ll be railroaded or not understood which puts the pressure to make sure that nothing can be scrutinized. Even in regular conversations I have with my friends I can’t shake that level of articulate nature I have to have in my dialect to talk. It has forever been embedded in my mannerism that I can't be comfortable to talk normally. In the back of my mind I can’t leave anything out and I have to make sure that everything goes according to what goes on in my head is correctly conveyed to the best I can do in order to not be haunted about it later.

"You're Too Sensitive"

That statement already makes me feel unease because of the way this term was used to be a cop out of not letting someone finish their plea by using this term to be presumptive and rob someone of the chance to explain without being undermined. Not even getting the chance to have some faith in their strength as a person.

Whenever I have confessed to friends or peers about the anxiety I have about getting deprived to say something, some of them have said that it's due to how sensitive I am. There is nothing wrong about having a sensitive nature, but sensitivity isn't always going to be the reason for the anxiety of one situation of misinterpretation. When someone says the answer of being sensitive, it's almost too direct and it sidelines out of the problem.

Whenever I say it isn't entirely sensitivity, it's downplayed by some of my friends that say that I refuse to admit it was sensitivity in the situation I wanted to talk about with them. In a way, that's making a false answer that wasn't required to tell someone what they already are and shows a lack of faith to believe an answer.

The further away from the point, the increase in frustration that does spark an anger that would make someone point it out again , "See? you're too sensitive."

I've had that happen too many times to count about being called sensitive at inappropriate times when I recollect how calm and collected I was. No one asks to be unnecessarily anesthetized.

Which is once again a case of miscommunication in misinterpretation. Not everything is a personal attack from others which is good to know in order to keep things neutral and relaxed to have a casual conversation. But there are others like me that don't interpret every piece of context as a personal attack, and it would just be nice to have some faith and not be presumptive or try to identify the situation to something that it wasn't.

But these friends weren't in the exact situation or there to see the word for word scene that had unfortunately played out. they wouldn't know that there was a strength was getting sullied I had to keep calm despite the mess miscommunication going on and my anxiety making me nauseous.

To make someone understand the exact context, whether it was just a simple topic that somehow branched out into one accident of an answer, then everything is based off that answer.

It almost becomes like one of those comedy movies where the main character is left in situation that got out of hand and he or she tries desperately to explain only to be cut off. I've never liked scenes like that because now I know the exact anxiety and turmoil to a scene like that. It doesn't end in hi-jinks, it ends with severe self-scrutiny.

When I've opened up about when I've been interrupted or misinterpreted, these were the pieces of advice I was given. Although it is a valued piece of advice, it might not bring peace of mind depending on the situation.

You Don't Owe An Explanation

That's true, and it's like addressed earlier, if someone is dismissing what you have to say , then their time or ears don't deserve what you have to say. But to people like me that have an articulate nature, and just want the sentence to be heard and want to go home with the relief that nothing was misinterpreted. Sometimes that means multiple explanations until that conversation is understood and there was no deprivation of getting that point out. I don't want to feel like I have to say an explanation to what I was originally trying to say, and it shouldn't have to be that it ends that way. No one wants to be railroaded into an exhausting explanation. Then to go home and think about what went wrong again and again in my head. It can be fixed if the other person knows exactly that you are trying to say something and will let you have chance to say it and try to understand what went wrong if they see the stress.

Just Be Yourself And It'll All Work Out

We are always our authentic selves. But when the matter of the topic has been segued, then it's hard to maintain a calm and cool or a humorous tone when something went wrong, then the matter of it is trying to re-route back to the point and get it fixed. I'm usually a humorous person, but if something goes wrong, I can get a bit stiff and strained to maintain my calm and comedic demeanor. It's natural to feel that level of worry that can make your personality paused for a moment to take in and access how a simple conversation got switched to stressful to get the point. We all want to be ourselves , but we also want to be heard.

It's hard to apply those answers when the situation turns around to be misunderstood.

But despite the negative aspects that I've explained as to why miscommunication happens often and should be recognized, I do understand that the other person isn't at fault for these reasons.

You and Your Friend Might Have Separate Problems Going On

Now I will say that it's true that not everyone is going to be a mind-reader or know how to interpret and understand the context of the situation. It's hard to know exactly what the other is going through if they are revealing something personal and want that information to be taken with compassion and care. Maybe they didn't tell you what was going on and their mental health put them in a position where they didn't mean what they said in the situation. It wasn't meant to be misinterpreted by them, it just takes time for the friend or mutual peer to understand what's going on or they had something going in their own personal lives which made it hard to clearly understand the situation with their own clouded thoughts.

I've made it in my mindset that I want to be accommodating to a friend of mine that has something going on and I wouldn't want to deprive them of explaining what is dwelling on them. In turn, if I say something, I have it in my mind that they do care about my problem, they'll show the same compassion they showed me.

By working together, there can be common ground to be able to figure out what is plaguing the other.

The other person is maturing to be respectful of the other person.

I've noticed the maturity in some friends after some time goes by and they've become receptacle to the context, I noticed it a couple months ago after reuniting with a friend of mine and they were incredibly respectful. Sometimes it just takes time before someone listens and willingly wants to understand without being presumptive or ignorant.

Some people are who they are

Some people are naturally inquisitive and want to dissect what people have to say in an articulate way and it might just take several directions in the topic.

Some people can get overzealous and it's just in their personality to accidentally interrupt.

Some people just don't take the hint.

Some people are just plain disrespectful.

Some people just might have to be an acquaintance and not someone to go into heavy topics with on a personal level.

Some people might not be your level and will never understand.

If this list has helped you identify some of these unfortunate occurrences, I hope it can help ruminate your mind to reach out to some of these people, and be honest with how they treated you on those instances to establish your relationship to be equal and respectful for the future conversations. If these people can't be respectful to you, I hope that it entices an idea to reach out to others that will be willing and courteous to you when you need to talk.

Your mental health is important, no one should make your mental health worse to deprive you of what you have to say.

No matter how you say something, someone is willing to listen and it is important.