The Little Things...

It was cool outside, but sunny

A day just like any other

We drove to the park

Not one nearby, but half way across town

It was a destination I had not been at for awhile

Yet it was familiar, it gave me a good feeling

We got out and walked over to the pavilion

It was not too far from the handicap parking in the parking lot

A thought that now consumes my mind when I leave the house

The thoughts most people do not have to think about

We arrived with a plan to walk down the different paths at the park

We needed to track the walking routes for an event later that month

When your mobility becomes limited you need to know these things

Like where is the nearest seat to rest

Will I be able to be on my feet long

Will I make it, the entire route

I told my mom that is was okay if my pain increased

After all, I get my infusion today at the pain clinic

I spent some time this winter going to physical therapy

And it paid off

I was able to walk just under a mile and a half

Of course, I had to take a few breaks

Each year after winter ends the long journey begins

I start getting outside and I begin to walk again

And every year it's like starting over

I usually can only walk a quarter of a mile

But like I said my physical therapy these last 6 months really helped

I hope the pain management program I am currently in does not undo all my hard work

You really do not realize how good you got it until you lose it

I do not look that old, and my mind still believes that I am still young

My body, well let's just say it is holding onto a grudge

You get in a few car accidents, have a few slips and falls, and then it starts to fight back

It has often stayed a mystery

What comes first

The chronic pain...

Or the mental health issues...

Some say they come together

One will usually bring the other

I think to myself how can they not

Chronic pain is a vicious cycle

How depressing to be stuck at home trapped in a body that tries to ruin your life

But that day, that walk, it may not have been much

I went to the pain clinic not in as much pain as I had expected

The cold air outside did not exacerbate my circumstances

I am not sure the insulated leggings I wore for the very first time aided in that

I do believe it was the hope in my mind, restored a few days earlier that I can improve

My life may not be over

The rest that I have been giving myself for the last few months has helped

Telling myself I do not have to go somewhere just because it is expected from me

Not forcing myself to have to do things

This mindset has positively impacted my outlook on life and embracing my therapy

I have hope for the first time in a long time that things may get better

And that walk, that small simple task completed

It gave me the hope that I needed, that this year things may finally turn around

And if not, I know I gave it my best

And really at this point in my life, that is really all I can do

Such a little thing…

Oh, what a huge impact!