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The Key To Positivity Is One Big Fat Lie

How you want positivity, but it doesn’t want you!

By Holly AbidiPublished 2 years ago 15 min read
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Finding our zen

Let me tell you a story. I was first year university and I was seriously driven to excel at all my classes. I was avid about my first English class, because this was my specialization. Well the first day the professor walked in I knew I was in trouble.

He was about to retire, so I knew he wouldn’t care about his last class. Even I dreaded he would take it out on us. I KNOW, it sounds terrible, but it sure seemed he was angry at the world. So there we were sitting right in front of him as bait. Come on I was a freshman, I had some funny thoughts back then.

I am not joking when I say he was a disgruntled and somewhat scary guy (as in, he looked like he had a bad temper). I dreaded his class, any assignments where he could, and sure did exact his villain status. Well if I took on his utterly terrible attitude and fed off the negativity I would be nowhere. Instead, I decided to lie!

Yup, I know sounds ridiculous. Basically, I went beyond being positive. I flat out lied to myself. I pretended I LOVED that class. I would walk into the class with a smile (okay, you got me, a forced smile), listened to every word said like my life depended on it (it kind of did), and I made it in my mind the best class I had ever taken.

I talked to the professor, showed the utmost respect, and asked questions to learn. NO, I didn't suck up, I just mean I practiced more to make sure I was really getting the lesson. Phh, suck up, nah. I can't believe you guys!

No, really though I had to work extra hard to be the best I could be and stay positive. Well, guess what, my positive mindset [lies to myself creating a positive mindset] payed off.

I sure learned tons, it did end up being a good class thanks to my positive actions. The professor was brilliant actually. Except he shouldn’t have had such a terrible attitude. I did okay in his class, most come out crying, so I can’t complain. Sometimes you win some and sometimes you lose. Just I didn’t want to lose so badly that it affected me.

I took the high road and strive to do so as much as I can.

I’m a huge believer in mind over matter. In this case it worked. I believe psychologically if you fake the truth, you do believe it, it's like you just can't go against the optimistic and feel good, do good vibes you can create, that's right - you create them!

In that class for instance, I really really needed to be positive when the truth was I hated that class. The professor was nasty, and I, along with the rest of the class, had to suffer for everything that was crap in his life.

In truth life isn’t fair, most the time you are sucking back lemons, there IS no sugar, and guess what the effort to make lemonade is like scaling Mount Everest. Mah, not gonna happen.

Positivity is a lie. Why? Well, for starters everything that's positive, there is always negatives. It's like life must be in two's. Light, dark, night, day and you guessed it, positive and negative. Nonetheless, lucky for you (as I demonstrated above), you got the option of trying to make the best of it and that is by going after positivism.

Quest after it, since it seems to want to run away and hide on a person. Sometimes you just sigh and wonder why this thing called life can't just be happy, why you can't just be optimistic. I'll tell you it's tiring. It's as if something ALWAYS has to go wrong. So when I say positivity doesn't want you, it's the absolute truth.

Yet, the more negative you are in life the more YOU are affected. So the good news is, you have the greatest ability to combat the downhill slide to depression, anxiety, and negative self loathing. You know what I'm talking about. It's not a good place to be. So rather, fake-on a pair of rose colored glasses and use a mindset of positivity.

You have to seek after this thing called positivity, because it doesn't want you. The world is too full of sweet negativity and possibilities to fall into this trap of negative thoughts. Just like the rest of the students in the English class. They absorbed the negativity like a sponge. Though you have to ask yourself if that makes you you?

As I explained earlier, you have to be the one to convince yourself to want to be that positive person.

Of course, you must strive for it, everyone will be quick to point out the negative, and try to drag you down too. The one with the smile and great optimism is secretly loathed by those that can't seem to see the sunshine for all the clouds. That's their life, not yours. Own it!

Sure, life isn't easy, who doesn't get that. Though life's also pretty short to spend it being a downer. Yes, we all do understand, you can't always be sunshine, with rainbow toots either. YET, I do say we need to try to overcome the negative and find the positive and good in life.

I know right now it seems like we're all in the worst times. Maybe we are at this time in history. But what I do know is that it's not easy to be faced with such a global pandemic. We are all dealing with a lot of different feelings and emotions right now. So much so that it's easy to become overwhelmed and board the run-away train of anxiety that comes with being so immersed in everything that's going on.

The biggest factor is the unknown and uncertainty we have all been battling with COVID-19. The what, when, why, and how things will be.

It puts a person on edge; even more so during isolation. It can make one behave out of character. It's a time where we need to be kind to ourselves and others around us. Knowing that we could be more agitated, short-tempered, or feeling greater sadness and worry. To some degree that is all normal to experience. Yet, we cannot let it rule us either.

I commend parents for being darn good at taking up the role model stage front and center. To be the strong character everyone can rely on, or look to for guidance. It's a good motto to follow - in this way being a role model and coping well (or maybe using the trick of lying to yourself to believe it's true) helps immensely. That is, if we say it, then we can act it, and in doing so can help us be positive.

We must remind ourselves to take deep meditative breaths. It is in such tough times that having a mindset of positivity can be paramount to not falling down the dark hole of depression and anxiety. We must foster our resiliency because it's not just a nice to have, it's a must.

Some may be thinking, easier said than done. True, it may not be easy to cope and find any light at the end of the tunnel. Nonetheless, know that you are not alone and you do not have to feel alone or do this all by yourself. Reach out. There are tons of help resources available to use for everyone. Families can benefit greatly from reaching out for some extra support in these unprecedented times.

We don't have to mask or hide our feelings either. Some level of being emotional and upset or being afraid is natural. Guys too can at least take a deep sigh once in awhile. Honestly, we don't expect the burden to be carried like a block of bricks on your chest.

Depending on others and reaching out, simply being genuine about the thoughts and struggles we are all experiencing is the best approach to being able to offload some of our stress. Being scared doesn't make us weak. It's only a way of recognizing the dangers we perceive of the world events. So if being scared tells us that - we are not wrong in feeling scared.

No matter how trying these times are or unsettling the world events are it is something we can overcome by building a armor of coping skills and it starts with shedding away negative thoughts.

Stress is a very harmful component of weakening our immune system. In Psychology Today, Andrew Goliszek Ph.D. writes in the post called, "How Stress Affects the Immune System saying:

"experts claim that stress is responsible for as much as 90% of all illnesses and diseases, including cancer and heart disease."

That is something we need to be paying attention to. If stress is at an all time high, in light of recent events, we need to know how to cope. Positivity, which is a mindset, can heal us in many ways. It's not something fancy, or you need to spend money on, it's inside you already. You just need to think that way!

New York Times featured post, "Power of Positive Thinking May Have a Health Benefit, Study Says" the author Erica Goode explains that:

"Researchers at the University of Wisconsin are reporting today that the activation of brain regions associated with negative emotions appears to weaken people's immune response to a flu vaccine."

It seems that as per the study the thoughts were able to at least support a greater mindset for successful immunity, happiness, and as many would contend makes us better able to cope and take steps in our lives at being healthier.

I am convinced it's a small piece of the puzzle, but one that deserves our attention. Have you ever heard people say, mind over matter. Well, there you have it. American Psychological Association in the article, "Stress Weakens the Immune System" states:

"Psychologists in the field of ‘psychoneuroimmunology’ have shown that state of mind affects one's state of health."

Even if you are an older adult keeping your mindset positive and reducing your stress is key to staying healthy. It's the key to stabilizing the immune system and even feeling happier, which could boost your eating habits and that way you can try to get lots of mega immune boosting vitamins and minerals into your diet.

Particularly vitamin C. In the article, "Can vitamin C improve your mood?" written by Brent A. Bauer, M.D. claims there certainly is a link and an important one at that:

The link between vitamin C and mood might seem surprising, but people who have vitamin C deficiency often feel fatigued or depressed. Studies of hospitalized patients — who often have lower than normal vitamin C levels — have found that their mood improved after they received vitamin C.

If all this alludes to being healthier, coping with stress easier, and most importantly having a better immune system then it’s a good place to start from. Incorporating a few simple things into your life can have a profound effect on our lives. They are really simple too, so why not start with these few tips.

You can find what inspires you. Find some good quotes, read a motivational book, listen to a podcast. Such can help you take a shrug and shed some of the negative emotions and stresses in your life. Facebook too has motivational groups, even COVID support groups too. Why not chat and reach out to others to help? Movies as well can inspire or at least help unwind and shed off the stress. Anything that helps you feel relieved is a good thing.

We all need a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes it's best if we don't burden our family and we have a friend that thinks a lot like you. Then you connect on a deeper level and you feel like you can talk openly. A friend can sometimes be that objective opinion to help us "see" clearly and offer guidance in making the right choices in life.

Venting to one another can help unburden your mind as well as helping to let a lot of the negativity out. Bottling up our emotions inside is not a healthy approach.

If you truly feel alone and have no one to talk to seek out help, there are countless resources available. You do not have to face this alone.

Don’t try to impress everyone and be liked by everyone. Being genuine is the best approach, even in expressing ones fears and heartaches. The more we practice self awareness and know who we want to be, how we want to be, and are able to do so the better we are able to handle life's roller-coaster. It will throw you curve balls and we have to go with the flow. Have faith in yourself by being authentic. It's a better you.

Positivity can shine if we let it.

As if I haven't said it enough, but I'll say it again. You have to quest for being positive in life. If things aren't great, still try to seek the optimistic high road. For your health and for your well being. If you have an upbeat and positive attitude you will find that life can shape itself the way you desire. We don’t want to perpetuate others bad attitudes, life’s too short for that.

Positivity is a mindset we can all strive to adopt. While we have time to pause, reflect, and find out what life really means to us; it's time we too find the positive or optimistic view to carry us through the tough times. Lean on others, teach others, and spread the best gift of all - happiness and better health.

Believe it or not although studies are lacking in proving it, but gossip is addictive. Mostly it tends to be negative as well. So you can see where this is going - it's overall bad for you and your well being. Featured on Psychology Today Mark D. Griffiths Ph.D. in his article, "Addicted to Gossip?" writes there are four key elements to gossip that could show its not healthy, yet it is everywhere.

He contends that it is a defense mechanism, helping us avoid the true feelings and confrontation with others, while making ourselves feel good by making another person inferior to us.

Second, that it is an emotional vent that allows us to start a conversation with someone else, have a common thread to talk about, relieving us of either everyday life stresses or making us comforted in this like-minded berate of banter about who said what, who did what.

At its very core it can be damaging and train us to think at that level. We are plastered with media that feeds into this gossip addiction. Yet, to admit it would backfire on all the mainstream push to have us seek out this "gossip-style" news. Mostly in celebrity news feeds.

Okay, we do all love a good gossip read once in a while, but just be aware if it seems to be affecting the way you are viewing everyone around you, such as life is one big nit pick, or you feel yourself rolling your eyes and sighing at everything, it's time to back away slowly. It's a sleeping dragon you don't want to poke at.

In the article, "Are You Addicted To Gossip?" on Inner Self website written by Richard C. Michael, Ph.D. he talks about healing, which sounds a lot like this fits in perfectly with positivity and the pressing need for more in our lives.

"As you learn how to enjoy yourself and stop taking life so seriously, others will learn how to enjoy you. Consequently you will see others as being important because their importance is a reflection of you and what is in your world."

At times in our lives we all need a good reality check. Don’t go around bashing, bragging, and acting like you are a rainbow. If we learn to let live and let go of all the tiny frustrations in life, we suddenly unburden ourselves of a huge weight. One certainly not worthy of the tote around. So just drop it, right now, and take a new lighter fresh step. If we imagine this mentally in our minds, we are able to do so in our lives. It's a good exercise to re-group from within.

We do have many people out there that are very humble and do help in some way shape or form with charity or other "good deeds". It really is a good thing to do. It's fulfilling and satisfying for yourself, your morals, and for slapping the ol' chip off the block. It just brings you down a level so you can view the world with a new lens.

Being grateful for what we have is key.

For me positivity comes from seeing how everyone has pitched in to help, the countless healthcare workers, whom have went above and beyond to save lives. From the families that are being creative to still interact with their grandparents and making the extra effort to say you care or to ask if someone else is okay, can I help?

It's those little things that make life so much better, makes the world a nicer place, and if we have learned anything from the turn of events is that we are resilient and we can overcome lots of things in life by sticking together and supporting one another.

So I should hope that if anyone is feeling sucked into that dark hole of self-talk that wafts into you, you are lonely, or depressed - work to find a way to take a deep breath, compose yourself (it might feel you are piecing yourself back together - that's okay too, it happens in life). Take a big step toward the bright happy light, breath deep, and say, "NO".

Say "No" to negative thoughts, negative social buzz, negative people in your life, and say, "YES" to moving on.

Say "YES, I will take that step and be positive".

"YES, I will change my life, and I will start right now."

It's that simple. Feels good right?

I think so. Let's spread the positive torch of light and goodness further and help our fellow comrades.

How would you spread positivity?

Maybe you already did via a post on Facebook to share something funny, or maybe it's you call your grandparents and sing them a silly song to make them laugh.

How would you or how have you spread positivity?

Share your comments, ideas, and share the message for everyone.

Inspire others with your burst of positivity. Let’s hear it and rejoice.

happiness
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About the Creator

Holly Abidi

I'm passionate about sharing my forms of art with others, be it writing, photography, or design. If you like it, love it, share it, and let me know. I'm always up for a friendly chat. Visit @abidiahsdesigninc

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