The Importance of Starting Over

“Sometimes you just need a fresh start. A new beginning. A clean slate. Just get rid of everything going wrong and make it go right. Sometimes, you just need to delete a number, colour your hair, quit your job. Purge all the negative things and focus on all the positives. Just do it”

For most of us, the thought of starting over, makes our toes curl and fills us with unbearable anxiety. We’re human and we love comfort but when our comfort blanket is unexpectedly ripped out from underneath us, we automatically presume life hates us, we're cursed with bad karma and we must have done something unforgivable in a past life. What's really shitty is that it tends to happen all at once. Jobs, relationships, money, friendships, health. Everything that could possibly go wrong, does and life forces us to start again. You start asking yourself questions like "Why me?" and "What did I do to deserve this?". From then on we jump on this downward spiral, a ride that we just want to get off.

If you’re reading this, then chances are the title caught your eye for a reason and you’ve probably been here before. I know I have. I’ve had to start over far more times than I would have anticipated. Sure, it felt like my life was crashing down around me, of course I would have done anything to change it and yes I felt totally hopeless. But I wasn’t hopeless and neither are you. At the end of the day you have two choices. You can let it define you or you can choose to learn to dance in the rain. I wish I knew then what I know now.

So where do we get this label from? Where in the Handbook of Life have we read that "starting over" is a bad thing? The truth is, it’s our own negative minds, creating negative thoughts that give us negative feelings. Maybe it’s just life’s way of trying to tell you something. Maybe you were settling in a relationship you weren’t completely happy with for the simple fact of not wanting to be alone. Maybe you stumbled into what was supposed to be a temporary job that over time became permanent because it was comfortable but wasnt helping you grow. Maybe you were allowing toxic friendships to create unnecessary drama in your life. Maybe you had so much going on that you weren’t looking after the most important person in your life - you! Maybe life has taken all this away in order for you to realise you deserve better.

I know it’s clique but it’s fact, you have one life. How do you wanna spend it? Settling? Apologising? Regretting? Hating yourself? Running after people who don’t see you? Be brave. Stop acting the victim. Believe in yourself and the timing of your life. Do what feels good and take risks. I’ve learnt to step back, look at my situation and ask “Okay, what is the Universe trying to tell me?” Try it. Ask yourself and you’ll always get an answer.

Granted, I do this after I’ve had a million mini breakdowns. I'm not here to tell you its easy and you shouldn't care. But each time I get hit, it takes me less and less time to snap out of it, remember who the hell I am and realise that this won’t break me. It’s a second, (third, fourth, fifth, sixth) chance to become exactly who and what you’ve always wanted to be. Just because something hasn’t worked out, doesn’t mean your destined to fail. It doesn't mean it'll never happen. Take time to reflect and figure out your next move. Let it spark a fire of determination within you. Chances are you lost your way without even noticing, so get back on track and fight. Do better. Raise your spirits so high that you can only attract positive things into your life. Do what you love, whatever it is that helps you get into a good headspace and do it on a daily basis. Be grateful for all the things you DO have rather than dwell on all the things you don’t. Most of us know what to do to make our lives a little bit better yet we chose not to. We let ourselves become distracted by things that don't deserve our energy. If you start working towards it little by little you will find yourself being so much more than you were in the past. Go out and get that new job, meet new people, start a new hobby, spend time alone, do all the things that mean something to you because who the hell says you can't? Look after yourself, meditate, move, learn, grow.

Take life day by day and don’t get caught up in the things you can’t control. Instead learn to control your focus and your reactions. It’s easier said than done I know but when we practice things often enough, they become habit. The only people who lose at life are the ones that give up. If you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer but if you focus on the lesson, you will continue to grow. Have patience with yourself and don’t let the concept of change scare you more than the concept of being unhappy. You've got this.