The Hidden

The Hidden

One moment, a mere second. That’s all it takes for your world to crash all around you, for your life to burn you beyond recognition. For some it’s a lesson, others the final straw. Thankfully my moment although at the time seemed to consume me, was the beginning to an epic adventure and the greatest lesson I have ever learned. To be courageous and have hope. No matter how dark the world seems, have hope. No matter how scary your choices seem to be, have courage to stand up. Take that step forward, fight back, show them they’re wrong. So powerful were these words to me I had them branded upon my skin. Proving to myself and others, I fought back, I got out. That yeah, the night is always darkest before the dawn, but damned if I’m not gonna have one hell of a dawn coming my way.

In this life the ones we love hold the key to our bliss, or destruction. It just so happens that I trusted the wrong person and they abused, destroyed, and then abandoned me. Still I fought, even as they walked away. Then I learned that I needed to fight for and treasure myself, because the day I stop holding myself to that expectation is the day someone else thinks it’s not needed, let alone required in their interactions with me. So in case I ever forgot what I went through, or needed a reminder that anger is a secondary emotion after hurt or pain when someone lashes out at me, I borrowed the strength from the ginger side of my family, immortalizing my granddad and scripted, “bi misneachail le dòchas” meaning ‘be courageous with hope’ on my arm; because for me they go hand in hand. We have to have courage to take that first step to the light, hoping that things will be better than they were the day before. We have to have the courage to love our enemies, and for me that meant forgiving my abuser I once called husband, even if it was years after the fact. My granddad once told me that holding a grudge against someone is like drinking a poison and expecting the other person to die, forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for you. Wise old man, huh? So to honor those words and him, a man who I derive a lot of my no-nonsense strength from, I gave those words the frame of a willow tree, because for me I’ve never felt more at peace than beneath a willow tree with a gentle breeze making the leaves dance as though to a ballet with nature providing the perfect melody to beguile my imagination. I hid the symbol for new beginnings within it’s roots to show that although the abuse caused me to lose a child I was never able to meet, they will forever be remembered, and in those dark moments that threatened to drag me into the abyss marked my new beginning, pushing me to the precipice of freedom from a dangerously toxic relationship. So looking back that was the most impenetrable blackness down the deepest hole I could have possibly climbed out of, I did it. I did it through the strength of my family and sheer will to prove wrong all the hate and lies I had endured not only from a man who suffers from his own demons, but myself. And so, it stands forever etched to my skin. “be courageous with hope” I hope and pray that no matter what you are going through, you have the strength to take that first step, or little nudge to the light. To a brighter future where you are cherished and loved no matter your past, because darlin’ you are a treasure, exquisitely made and more than worth it, and don’t you ever forget it.