The focus

I don't know what it is about this place inside my mind that I can only find in my truest silence. It isn't quite meditation and it isn't any mask that I have to wear. I like to think of it as my truest form within this vessel. A place non of asked for but all somehow obtained. Sometimes I remember how much I fought this place inside me. How awful it felt when I was in my darkest hours. As a kid I was innocent. we all were at some point. I witnessed a lot of pain and in this I did not know how capable I was of feeling others suffering. I feel it all the time. I always had a fear people around me could feel my pain. The hatred it created in my chest and the violence that was born there. I see the binary coding of all the energy flowing clearly now.

I have tried substances to ignore it. I try to drown it out with music so loud your ears ring. I tried adrenaline for awhile and threw myself into circumstances that some never made it through. As time dragged me forward eventually I opened my mind. I allowed myself to walk through the closed door to the crimson cellar. In this room I found the scars. The blood soaked carpet. the sands of time and its turbulence. In here I found what they call peace. A piece of mind only seeking nirvana in self awareness. I am able to steady myself when I visualize the fire. How it would warm me in the frigid desert. How it would speak to me about the ancients and their over coming of adversity. Here we do not have it any better or worse. For, i see energy just rearranges again and again.

I feel the oath that binds me to those I adore most. How heavy the weight feels of my desire to rise. I want to create and I want to provide for them. I know I gain from this too. I know that the truth is I am selfish and seek to obtain for my own wealth in hope and faith that it over flows to those around me in my circle. I am tasked to break the cycle and carry others through the portal. I find myself loosing the fear to give to the demons of my past that pretend to be thy future. I am alone here for a moment to collect. Sometimes courage. Sometimes answers to the riddles. Sometimes I collect the ashes of the dead and paint my flesh in remembrance. My actions create consequences.

No matter what occurs I always end up back to the mission mindset. that blood has to be shed, tears have to be endured, and suffering is only temporary. In the end it allows for the ability to relish in the beauty of a rose. A symbol of thy queen. It allows for the victory of brotherhood united in travel and wonder. I am no longer a boy running from the storm. I am the man who stand within the storm with the conviction to over come. No matter how deep the wound or the fever digs into me I rise.

When I put the pieces together it makes scripture to follow. About how as we become one we can achieve greater results. Alone you may go far but together you accomplish deeper meanings. Maybe it all ends up being vague. Maybe the definitions aren't ever really absolute. I just keep focus on the things I will obtain and try to brace us all for impact if the day comes. otherwise we can bask in the glory hand in hand.