The First Day

The noises I'm hearing are my breast pump and the baby's sound machine. The baby is taking a nap. I'm writing this blog because a YouTube video convinced me to start. The fear of beginning is the toughest part.

I began a project about two months ago. As a brand new mom who lost her employment due to the pandemic, I've been doubly struggling with my identity. I used to identify myself by my career and by being a hard worker. It's what I've always known. Also, it's usually the first question a new person asks when you meet them... not that we meet many new people anymore these pandemic days.

Also, my family is very specific on how they value people; how are you serving others? How are you martyring yourself lately? That's okay, but I'm definitely trying to enjoy my time off instead of ruminating in the feelings of guilt.

Since the pandemic I've been stuck with my own thoughts a lot. The pregnancy with my son was not full of complications, but it was NOT comfortable. I was led to believe through social media, society, and friends that I was going to be a radiant, glowing, impervious pregnant woman. Finding out that pregnancy has a lot of weird discomforts and odd symptoms threw me off guard.

Labor was another strange feeling because no single birth I read about was like mine. And I read a lot of books. Sadly, I neglected to read about taking care of a baby. Duh; big mistake. The best advice I can give any newly pregnant person is really, truly sleep as much as you can and don't feel bad about it, have as much sex as you can, and research baby sleep (especially the difference between sleepy cues and hungry cues).

By about 3 months postpartum I felt like I had genuinely lost any semblance of my own personality, what with my huge sleep debt and getting slightly obsessed with our baby's schedule. I decided to start a project to start to feel like myself again.

The Project:

Each day make one simple coloring book page. Each page will fit the same theme for 30 days of Cats & Plants. At the end of the 30 pages, publish it on KDP Amazon.

Did I make a drawing every single day? No.

Did I reach my goal of 30 pages? Yes.

Did I beat myself up about missing a day here and there? Mostly no.

Did I think every single picture was perfect and feel proud? No, but I am happy with them.

In order to help myself through the process, I announced it on my private FaceBook page and shared each drawing for free. I made a photo album that I kept adding to where friends could just print out a page and color it in and give me feedback along the way.

Once the goal was reached I'd gift myself a ukulele.

My deadline was Friday, I finally got everything edited, made the cover, and submitted everything to KDP on Saturday. Now it's Monday and the review process will take up to 72 hours. I did not anticipate that delay. I check twice a day (morning and evening) to see if it's still IN REVIEW, which it is.

I know which ukulele I want to get and I am waiting to go to Guitar Center.

In the meantime I decided to stop going on any social media until the coloring book is approved. It feels freeing. In this time, I'm brainstorming my next book ideas and enjoying some fresh air.