The Enigma of Selfhood

I believe 2020 has been a uniquely powerful and unprecedented (There goes that word again) catalyst for awakening. I really believe generations to come will speak of what this year has done for the evolution of collective consciousness. Quarantine has forced many extroverts into the comfortable shadow of reflection that many introverts call home. Our wrestling match with nature has also put a spotlight on how essential fresh air and sunlight are for the body, mind, and soul.

Whether you're an extrovert, introvert, ambivert or Uzi Vert, you've undoubtedly experienced a nuanced sense of loneliness and isolation this year. You've likely reached out to some fellow humans you may not normally speak with for some sense of normalcy and connection.

You've probably had a few existential crises too and that's okay.

You're human and the only home you've ever known is quite literally on fire. It's okay to feel hopeless, sad, and angry right now. In fact, I'd argue that it's appropriate! Besides, it's not like you decided to feel that way, it just happens on its own.

And that's the key. There are things in life that you think about and it fires you up, but where do the emotions come from? Do you "make" them?

Do you craft or curate your anger or sadness before you feel it?

Do you craft or curate your identity or is that just something you experience?

The mysterious torrent of change we call life can be so engaging that we completely forget a fundamental truth about ourselves and this collective experience. It's a really simple truth too. One that you already know, but almost constantly deny in myriad ways.

You are who you are. You're already whole. You've got literally everything you need within you right now. Not tomorrow or next year. Right now.

A little hard to believe isn't it? Why is that?

Why do we subconsciously chase an imagined idea of ourselves and miss out on who we really are in the process?

I can only speak for myself here, but one reason is that using a role or an archetype is easier for my mind to process the enigma of selfhood.

It's a lot easier to classify myself as as a highly sensitive and sensual artist rather than a physical manifestation of cosmic potential.

Despite being exactly that!

We do this to survive in a world dominated by forms and concepts, but even those aspects of this world require continual review, refinement, and evolution.

Our identities are no different.

Imagine a scenario where you aren't being true to yourself. Let's assume you've said yes to something you really wanted to say no to. In this instance, are you being yourself?

Yes. You are. You aren't behaving based on the idea that you've had about yourself up to that moment, but you can't help BUT be yourself.

Your true identity is something you couldn't take off if you tried.

You can delude yourself into thinking you're something else, but when that role changes you'll have to find a new delusion. If you're tired of delusion maintenance then there's only one thing you have to accept.

Yourself. As you are. Right now. And how you'll change. Flaws, forms and all baby! That's literally it.

Now...will this be easy?

Absolutely fucking not!

You're rewiring a lifetime of programming! Your ego is going to have a fit. People and circumstances you've outgrown are gonna groan. Not easy in the slightest, but it is always VERY simple and ABSOLUTELY worth it.

If you commit to just BEING who you are, whatever that means right now, you'll quickly see the difference between who and what you are and how you might be behaving right now. That difference is the key to understanding who you are.

You are not the hats or coats worn, you are the rack. You are not the eyes, mouth, or abs. You're the energy that ties all the organs together into what we call a person.

You are space. You are potential. We can stop time in our minds and see that we were romantics in our teen years and cold, lifeless machines in our mid-twenties. We can comb through our memories and see that we were timid at one point and absolutely fearless at another.

It's not that those memories aren't you, it's that you're the collective experience of change. The only thing that defines you is You! Outside of that you are undefined and unbound. You are inherently infinite and free.

Even better, you have the luxury to choose what changes you'd like to welcome into your life at any time and for any reason.

The value in this approach is evident in the way you can begin to flow through life rather overexerting yourself trying to be someone you aren't and don't want to be.

This is not to say that improvement isn't meaningful. This is to say that improvement is evolution. Improvement is change made to enhance the efficacy of a given system. The system is your life.

So as the great Amanda Seales once said...

"Venture to impress yourself."

You're an embodiment of divine potential.

Own it!