The End of Mindless Gifting

Every year for Christmas, my mother asks for nothing. And every year, my siblings and I have failed her.

To be fair, she specifically asks for no gifts for every birthday and holiday each year. I think that, in the past, my siblings and I fall into the mindset that many of us do around the holidays - for most of the year, we are busy trying to make things happen for ourselves. Sometimes it's hard to remember to show gratitude outside of the holiday season. My mother, like so many others, has sacrificed so much of her desires and life for the sake of her children. I will never understand that kind of sacrifice, and neither will my siblings, until we have children ourselves. So, in Christmases past, we have tried to show her our thanks by trying to find a meaningful gift for her.

My family has never been into mindless gifting - everything is thoughtful and has a purpose. When we were teenagers or in college, Christmastime was a time to give each other practical gifts - things for our wellness or homes or studies. As we grew into adults, gift giving became more difficult. Our homes have become stocked with all the gizmos and gadgets we need, we understand that each others' fashion senses are different enough that we don't even try to guess anymore, and all of our pets are spoiled with all the toys they'll ever need as well.

So we finally started listening to her. What we discovered is the most simple and meaningful gift of all - she just wanted to spend time with us.

I'm not sure if this is something from everyone's childhood or just mine, but I remember being in elementary school and for Valentine's Day or Mother's Day as an in-school activity, we would make little coupon books for our mothers. They would say things like, "Good for One Back Massage," or "Good for One Hug - Can be Redeemed at Any Time - Never Expires." Looking back, I think that even as a child, I didn't feel like these were good enough. Already I was aware of the capitalist machine that teaches us we need to buy Stuff in order to show our loved ones we value them.

Even currently, the green and sustainable sectors of gift giving options are riddled with options that mean well and may seem like good ideas on the surface, but when it comes down to it, it's still just stuff. Stuff that may not even fit into the lifestyles of the gift receiver and may end up not being useful or valued.

My request to all who want to "go green" this holiday season is this: strip it all away. The Stuff. Ask yourself: what is a sustainable gift at its core? Why do I feel the need to give Stuff?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Scrooge. Gift giving is a wonderful thing to be a part of. It's great to give our friends and family something they've been asking for, or a surprise you know they'd never allow themselves to indulge in, or if you find something that reminds you of them. The unsustainable part of Christmas is when we're scratching our heads and trying so, so hard to come up with the perfect gift for that one person on our list - and if that's what's happening, it's time to revaluate the list and how a gift can take form.

What the act of gift giving represents is gratitude, care, and love. It shows the receiver that they were thought of. To give a truly sustainable and mindful gift, try spending time with them. It can be hard to present this gift to them because we all want to package The Gift up nicely with a little bow, something they can open, receive, and thank us for. Cards, gift cards, and gift baskets are traditionally wasteful, but they don't have to be. It can be as simple as a note on a bottle of their favorite locally crafted beer, taking them to a new restaurant (or getting take-out, if we're speaking in current terms) that features their favorite cuisine or dish, or it could be a little coupon book.

My mother's gift requests have definitely rubbed off on me over the years. I have stopped buying things for peoples' birthdays and instead have opted to spend time with them over drinks, going camping, or just having a good chat on the porch. With the pandemic making that especially hard this year, as well as being hard on my finances, I'm not going to be able to spread a lot of holiday cheer in 2020. It makes me very sad, but I'm looking forward to when I'll be able to surprise my loved ones with the feeling that they are valued and I am grateful for them.