The Day You Know You're Strong

Growing up, having everything I have ever wanted. I had a family, pets, a big house, food in my face, friends, so many clothes, and every toy or object I wanted. I was spoiled in all reality. One day, all of that was taken away from me, and in the following months I did not even have my mother around, my life basically had to start over, I had my father, but it was not good enough when I really needed my mom. It made me feel sick, was I not good enough? Was my brother not good enough? What did we do so wrong, to the point she did not even want her own two children anymore? Years later she came back, thinking I was still the same eight-year old she left behind, but I wasn't. I was 13, doing good in my new life I established. I let her around for a while, but by the time I was 14 and 15, she just put me down all the time. Calling me names, threatening me, just straight out tried to ruin my self-esteem. At the same time high school happened, people started rumors about me and saying things about, and to me, similar to what my mother would call me.

I hated life, I wanted to die, then again, I did not want to kill myself. A lot of people can relate, though never talk about it. I decided to get help, as I did we slowly were uncovering what pain, and diagnosis I was having. From age 15 to 18 I was in therapy, to get help, though I was not diagnosed until 18, because my mind and heart had issues even speaking of my issue, I thought I was weak, but I wasn’t. The day I figured out I was strong, was the day I figured out I have accepted my past. I figured out, that I am worth something, to somebody, that I do have my own hopes and dreams, that I do make a difference to somebody in this world, that I am a human being. I make mistakes, I learn, I live, and I love. Everyone has a meaning, and everyone deserves to feel like they are worth something to someone. Life is special. So, you know, I have learned to not take anything for granted, ever. I have seen good points in life and I have seen the most devastating things as well. The pain sucks, the situations suck, but when you grow up you finally get to realize and understand. You made it, you lived through it, and now, that is your past; it isn’t your present anymore. I love the feeling of it. I get to start a new chapter in my life, and I have come to accept that I will, and that I am going to have bad chapters in my lifetime, I was just prepared for how difficult things can be at a young age. I am blessed to be alive, because I was not supposed to make it out of my situation alive, but I did. So this is what I learned, and this is what I want to pass on, times get hard, life gets hard, it really does. No matter how difficult things get, you can manage through it. You may think no one cares, but trust me, someone cares, I care, your family cares, your friends, your pets, somebody cares, don’t break their hearts. Find your happiness, find your meaning, just don’t give up. You’re strong, even if you think you’re weak. Live life to the fullest.