The Compass that saved my life.

I, like many grew up with such innocence. Life was beautiful, magical, unique. Yet, though gifted with an amazing family; I faced my own personal trauma. I was molested.

At a young age I had to decide that though the action of one person, did not dictate what others or the world would be, so I decided at the age of 9; I would not fear anything. Nor would I hate. I forgave. If I learned to hate, I would lose myself. It would change me, and my disposition on life.

Yet as the years went on, depression set in. I found myself lost, and close to saying “goodbye to it all”. I felt that I was damaged. That I was unworthy of just simply living.

I decided to go to some cliffs near my home. I stood on the edge, over the Hudson. Looked at NYC, looked down at the trees, rocks, and water below. I closed my eyes, whether to find that courage to step or that fight to stay. That’s when I heard my nieces laugh, and my fathers within my mind. My mother’s embrace.. my sisters and the happy memories I had. The cost, the gamble was more than I could bare.

It was that moment that I stepped back and realized, that paths less traveled are the hardest. Yet, in darkness, you can find you way, find a form of light.

So, upon my shoulder I have a compass. The 13 stars of the country I love around it. I’m from NJ, so to represent the original country. I am original. Upon the compass is the sun and moon. I used to tell and still tell my nieces that I loved them more than “all the stars in the sky “ and they would ask “if I loved them more than the sun and moon?” I expressed that to show my love, I would live in darkness and be content.

I have two swallows, flying around. As they are symbol of home. They always go home, they always find their way. The compass guides me back to my strength.

Being part Native American.. I have an arrow that points NW and SE. North west represents the nephew I have in Wyoming, and south East represents a niece I have in Louisiana. 3 nieces and 1 nephew in total.

They are want grounds me. The reason that when it’s hard, my reasons, my path are for them. For me to find my way, and make sure they never stray.. or have to feel a loss in the sense, the one I was close to losing forever.

They are with me; so no matter where I go. They’re with me, and I will always find my way back.

That I would always find away to guide them to their strength.