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The Broke College Grad Diaries

Part 3 - Gratitude

By Derek EversPublished 3 years ago 6 min read
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The Broke College Grad Diaries
Photo by Joyful on Unsplash

Welcome back to another chapter in The Broke College Grad Diaries! It’s finally turkey week and though COVID-19 has made things a little different this year, we should still take the time to talk about the things we’re most thankful for! Following the theme of thanksgiving, I wanted to discuss gratitude today because it’s been important to my healing process, kept me semi-sane through quarantine, and helped me love life again – so if you’re going through some tough times, I hope my story inspires you. Also, if you haven’t read my article about gratitude and how it can positively benefit not just individuals, but our communities as well, then I’ll link that here.

Simply put, gratitude is the practice of appreciating the things and people you have as well as where you are in life instead of focusing on the things you don't have. Gratitude was first introduced to me during my senior year of college while I was taking a Positive Psychology course – at the time I understood it well enough for tests and such, but I didn’t really know how positively it could affect my life.

Del Monte Group

For as far back as I can think, I remember always taking everything for granted and feeling like somehow, I was getting the short end of the stick. I often wondered why I wasn’t born into wealth or why don’t I have a spectacular talent to make a career out of. I was envious of others when they’d get chosen for an exciting opportunity because I always wished it was me. If this sounds toxic, let me tell you, it was, and this jealousy made it difficult to ever truly feel proud of my friend’s accomplishments which ultimately hurt some friendships. Life was really frustrating because I was never satisfied with my own achievements and no matter how hard I worked, I felt like I had nothing.

So, after graduating from college, I’m sure you can imagine how it felt to spend months job searching only to be accepted by a local grocery store while many of my friends were starting their professional careers – not so good.

Although it wasn’t ideal, I ended up taking the grocery job with the intention of only working there for a few months until I figured my life out a little more. Well, a few months turned into a year and a year turned into two years; and my coworkers turned into some of my closest friends.

The job that I thought was so unimportant ended up teaching me a lot! I gained perspectives about retail and the hell employees go through dealing with customers as well as the unrealistic expectations placed on them. Also, I met a variety of people who lived vastly different lives and realized how well off I was. I learned how to stand up for myself and others and to recognize the difference between what I deserve versus what I receive.

Despite the many lessons that job taught me, I still had some bitterness because I didn’t feel as successful as some of my friends and desperately hoped to find a path to a more fulfilled life; but I could hardly ever muster the energy to find something different. Instead, I stayed, kept working, hoping that I would either get promoted or an opportunity would magically present itself and eventually life would change for me. And change did come, but it wasn’t what I was expecting.

Earlier this year, March 2020, I found out that my older brother had died which left me completely empty. I had never lost someone that close to me and it was really hard to know how to respond; I’m not sure there is a right response. On top of that, the state began to shut down because of COVID-19 which kept me from seeing my family and left me to grieve by myself. At first it felt like I was losing so much, but with time I realized that I was receiving an important lesson too.

I was so sad and angry because I couldn’t understand how the universe justified causing so much pain to my family and everything about life seemed unfair. The world was so bleak and dark, living felt kind of hopeless, but my friends helped me see things differently. They probably don’t realize this but the friends who let me express hard emotions, the people who did anything they could to lift my spirits showed me that I had so many things to be thankful for. If it wasn’t for our phones and other technology, I wouldn’t have been able to even talk to most of them; and if I didn’t have that job I hated, I would have never met some of these awesome people; and if I hadn’t experienced losing my brother, I wouldn’t have known how strong I could be. The darkness that kept me blind to all the good in the world was beginning to lift and I started to see purpose behind my struggles.

Gratefulness.org

Slowly I realized how wrong my jealous way of thinking was and began to recognize that things didn’t just happen to people – they worked hard for their accomplishments! A big difference between me and the people I was jealous of is that I believed life was only happening to me while they understood that life happens for you. And after my brother’s passing, I realized how unpredictable life is and that I should always give my best effort instead of just hoping for things to work out in my favor. Eventually, I started a daily gratitude practice to keep track of the things, events, and people I was thankful to have and became more appreciative of what I used to take for granted – friends and family, being able to work, people that believe in me, etc.

My healing journey didn’t end there; every day is a new challenge to find something to be grateful for, to remind me this struggling isn’t for nothing. But now I can live every day with purpose as I chase my dreams like I know my brother would want me to. Gratitude guides me on my path, through darkness, and reveals even the tiniest sliver of light that I would’ve otherwise missed.

My advice to you is this – first, don’t compare your life to another’s. We’re all on wildly different paths and it’s not fair to yourself to be upset over “falling behind”. You’re not falling behind; you’re learning and growing at exactly the pace you’re meant to. Second, don’t be so quick to judge a job. I was scared to work in a grocery store because I thought it would make me a failure, but every job has its role in society, and everyone deserves respect no matter their position. Lastly, start a daily gratitude practice! It’s simple and all you need to do is find a few things you’re thankful for everyday and write them down or speak them aloud – whatever works for you! Notice how beautiful the world begins to look, even through difficult times, when you remember to appreciate even the small things around you.

Thank you for reading this chapter of my story; I hope you take away some new knowledge or inspiration! Before I leave you, here’s some food for thought: What do you think of gratitude? Do you already practice it and if so, how? Has gratitude helped change your life?

See you in the next edition of The Broke College Grad Diaries!

If you enjoyed what you read, then please share, leave a like or tip, and check out my other stories & poems. I'm so thankful for all of you who have supported me and I hope you all have wonderful and safe Thanksgivings!

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About the Creator

Derek Evers

Hello! I'm Derek, a writer based in Portland, OR. Author of short stories, poetry, and blog posts about the things that interest me. Be kind to yourself and others, always.

IG: deverswriting

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