The Alchemy of now

I spent 20 minutes arguing passionately with my boss today about goals and tasks. It all started with a meeting about "Implementing" our monthly goals, a thing we are now actually trying to focus on during our weekly discussions. Here is the thing, like any other small business, we have been having meetings, twice a week, every week of the year but it has always been just talks. Talks more focused on the dreams and vision for the business and not more on the actionable steps to take to not just get there but consistently keep us going for growth.

To him, there is no difference between a goal and a task which in a sense, he is not wrong but the kicker was, after listing our monthly goals on notion because we are trying to do it right, he then proposed for them to be printed out and that every week, we would go through them again. I was like okay? But that was it. I told him that we could print it out if it helps but I think it is pointless to keep talking about them every week especially when we know what we want. It's like going back to the drawing board every time and personally, that's wasted energy and time repeating the same thing like some broken record. It wasn't about winning an argument or trying to educate my boss.

I have always had a wild imagination. It was never really because I was gifted or creative, it was born from a visceral need to survive even though I had no clue what that meant at the time. It came about as some coping mechanism to bear suffering that I couldn’t process. I was 5 at the time. Physically abused and isolated. Forced to spend hours by myself sitting at a designated spot. While sitting, staring into space, I would find a way to some world up in my head. A world where I could be anything I wanted. How I did do it? I have no clue.

I have been a princess in many kingdoms and to different people. I have been a strong figure, rich and independent like Oprah. When I heard of her, all I wanted was to be her.

I would fall asleep to my fairytales of a happy ending. Taking time out during the day to travel to these worlds. Giggling and kicking my feet. I have had many love interests. In my world, I chose, fought, and made up with them. I did as I pleased.

Watching Xena the Warrior Princess was the highlight of my teenage years, gave me a lot to work with, the world was my oyster but only in my head.

I have only ever dreamed and talked, scarcely ever did anything consistently if at all and that has affected every part of my entire life. I truly believed that dreaming was the hardest part till I came to learn the hard way that dreaming, was the easiest part.

The bone of contention was this, he wanted to focus on the thing, the dream, the soft work. I have come to have a visceral hatred for just talking. I want to focus more on building the bridge, making the dream and wonder a reality, the steps, the hard work, the growth.

In the end, he did see what I was trying to say. There is nothing wrong with daydreaming or visualization. There is nothing wrong with talking about or revisiting your goals and dreams but you can't stay or focus more on the reverie. You would have to move your ass and continually do so!