The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

VALUING THE DIFFERENCES

Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy—the mental, the emotional, the

psychological differences between people. And the key to valuing those differences is to realize

that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are.

If I think I see the world as it is, why would I want to value the differences? Why would I

even want to bother with someone who’s “off track”? My paradigm is that I am objective; I see

the world as it is. Everyone else is buried by the minutiae, but I see the larger picture. That’s why

they call me a supervisor—I have super vision.

If that’s my paradigm, then I will never be effectively interdependent, or even effectively

independent, for that matter. I will be limited by the paradigms of my own conditioning.

The person who is truly effective has the humility and reverence to recognize his own

perceptual limitations and to appreciate the rich resources available through interaction with the

hearts and minds of other human beings. That person values the differences because those

differences add to his knowledge, to his understanding of reality. When we’re left to our own

experiences, we constantly suffer from a shortage of data.

Is it logical that two people can disagree and that both can be right? It’s not logical: it’s

psychological. And it’s very real. You see the young lady; I see the old woman. We’re both

looking at the same picture, and both of us are right. We see the same black lines, the same white

spaces. But we interpret them differently because we’ve been conditioned to interpret them

differently.

And unless we value the differences in our perceptions, unless we value each other and give

credence to the possibility that we’re both right, that life is not always a dichotomous either/or,

that there are almost always third alternatives, we will never be able to transcend the limits of

that conditioning.

All I may see is the old woman. But I realize that you see something else. And I value you. I

value your perception. I want to understand.

So when I become aware of the difference in our perceptions, I say, “Good! You see it

differently! Help me see what you see.”

If two people have the same opinion, one is unnecessary. It’s not going to do me any good at

all to communicate with someone else who sees only the old woman also. I don’t want to talk, to

communicate, with someone who agrees with me; I want to communicate with you because you

see it differently. I value that difference.

By doing that, I not only increase my own awareness; I also affirm you. I give you

psychological air. I take my foot off the brake and release the negative energy you may have

invested in defending a particular position. I create an environment for synergy.

The importance of valuing the difference is captured in an often quoted fable called “The

Animal School,” written by educator Dr. R. H. Reeves:

Once upon a time, the animals decided they must do something heroic to meet the problems of a “New World,” so they

organized a school. They adopted an activity curriculum consisting of running, climbing, swimming and flying. To make it

easier to administer, all animals took all the subjects.

The duck was excellent in swimming, better in fact than his instructor, and made excellent grades in flying, but he was

very poor in running. Since he was low in running he had to stay after school and also drop swimming to practice running.

This was kept up until his web feet were badly worn and he was only average in swimming. But average was acceptable in

school, so nobody worried about that except the duck.

The rabbit started at the top of the class in running, but had a nervous breakdown because of so much makeup in

swimming.

The squirrel was excellent in climbing until he developed frustrations in the flying class where his teacher made him start

from the ground up instead of from the tree-top down. He also developed charley horses from over-exertion and he got a C in

climbing and a D in running.

The eagle was a problem child and had to be disciplined severely. In climbing class he beat all the others to the top of the

tree, but insisted on using his own way of getting there.

At the end of the year, an abnormal eel that could swim exceedingly well and also could run, climb and fly a little had the

highest average and was valedictorian.

The prairie dogs stayed out of school and fought the tax levy because the administration would not add digging and

burrowing to the curriculum. They apprenticed their children to the badger and later joined the groundhogs and gophers to

start a successful private school.