The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

When I first came across Hammarskjold’s statement, I was working in an organization where

there were unclear expectations between the individual who was my right-hand man and myself.

I simply did not have the courage to confront our differences regarding role and goal

expectations and values, particularly in our methods of administration. So I worked for a number

of months in a compromise mode to avoid what might turn out to be an ugly confrontation. All

the while, bad feelings were developing inside both of us.

After reading that it is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor

diligently for the salvation of the masses, I was deeply affected by the idea of rebuilding that

relationship.

I had to steel myself for what lay ahead, because I knew it would be hard to really get the

issues out and to achieve a deep, common understanding and commitment. I remember actually

shaking in anticipation of the visit. He seemed like such a hard man, so set in his own ways and

so right in his own eyes; yet I needed his strengths and abilities. I was afraid a confrontation

might jeopardize the relationship and result in my losing those strengths.

I went through a mental dress rehearsal of the anticipated visit, and I finally became settled

within myself around the principles rather than the practices of what I was going to do and say.

At last I felt peace of mind and the courage to have the communication.

When we met together, to my total surprise, I discovered that this man had been going

through the very same process and had been longing for such a conversation. He was anything

but hard and defensive.

Nevertheless, our administrative styles were considerably different, and the entire

organization was responding to these differences. We both acknowledged the problems that our

disunity had created. Over several visits, we were able to confront the deeper issues, to get them

all out on the table, and to resolve them, one by one, with a spirit of high mutual respect. We

were able to develop a powerful complementary team and a deep personal affection which added

tremendously to our ability to work effectively together.

***

Creating the unity necessary to run an effective business or a family or a marriage requires great

personal strength and courage. No amount of technical administrative skill in laboring for the

masses can make up for lack of nobility of personal character in developing relationships. It is at

a very essential, one-on-one level that we live the primary laws of love and life.

P PROBLEMS ARE PC OPPORTUNITIES

This experience also taught me another powerful paradigm of interdependence. It deals with

the way in which we see problems. I had lived for months trying to avoid the problem, seeing it

as a source of irritation, a stumbling block, and wishing it would somehow go away. But, as it

turned out, the very problem created the opportunity to build a deep relationship that empowered

us to work together as a strong complementary team.

I suggest that in an interdependent situation, every P problem is a PC opportunity—a chance

to build the Emotional Bank Accounts that significantly affect interdependent production.

When parents see their children’s problems as opportunities to build the relationship instead

of as negative, burdensome irritations, it totally changes the nature of parent-child interaction.

Parents become more willing, even excited, about deeply understanding and helping their

children. When a child comes to them with a problem, instead of thinking, “Oh, no! Not another

problem!” their paradigm is, “Here is a great opportunity for me to really help my child and to

invest in our relationship.” Many interactions change from transactional to transformational, and

strong bonds of love and trust are created as children sense the value parents give to their

problems and to them as individuals.

This paradigm is powerful in business as well. One department store chain that operates from

this paradigm has created a great loyalty among its customers. Any time a customer comes into

the store with a problem, no matter how small, the clerks immediately see it as an opportunity to

build the relationship with the customer. They respond with a cheerful, positive desire to solve

the problem in a way that will make the customer happy. They treat the customer with such grace

and respect, giving such second-mile service, that many of the customers don’t even think of

going anywhere else.

By recognizing that the P/PC balance is necessary to effectiveness in an interdependent

reality, we can value our problems as opportunities to increase PC.

THE HABITS OF INTERDEPENDENCE

With the paradigm of the Emotional Bank Account in mind, we’re ready to move into the

habits of Public Victory, of success in working with other people. As we do, we can see how

these habits work together to create effective interdependence. We can also see how powerfully

scripted we are in other patterns of thought and behavior.

In addition, we can see on an even deeper level that effective interdependence can only be

achieved by truly independent people. It is impossible to achieve Public Victory with popular

“Win/Win negotiation” techniques or “reflective listening” techniques or “creative problemsolving”

techniques that focus on personality and truncate the vital character base.

Let’s now focus on each of the Public Victory habits in depth.