Taking off the Costume I Wore

Today, I had to bravely decide to throw away the costume I wore to disguise my true self. I knew it was time to reveal who my authentic self is. I cannot live pretending to be someone I am not anymore. I had to do it for myself and God to throw that costume away that I wore every single day. It became my security.

Without it, I feel naked. I’m unsure who I was deep inside that costume. So, it’s not easy to say I ripped this thing off, and voila, now I’m my true self. I’m unsure who I am now. I have to build my confidence without a costume. When you wear something long enough, over time, the rips and tears are too big that you can’t wear it anymore.

I thought people liked that costume and wanted me to keep wearing it. But I was only fooling myself more than them. I put that costume on, and eventually, after wearing it for so long, it became my identity. Deep down, though, I knew it wasn’t me, and I suffered each day trying to be someone I was not. When I put on this costume, it became fun wearing it. I enjoyed the attention of people not knowing the real me. But I was far lost from myself and knew I needed to be free. I was sweating in there and scared it may fall off.

I choose to grow myself for no one other than me and who God wants me to be. I do not need to change myself to make others happy, and I shouldn’t want to. It was hard to keep up with the lies, and it became exhausting creating someone I hated. The biggest rip happened in the costume, and it’s too overwhelming to stitch up this tear that became too big. I need to learn to live my life for myself. By throwing the costume away, I can do just that.

In this costume, I was always optimistic and tried to improve my life by taking leaps toward my achievements. I enjoyed the praise I received, and I overworked myself for people to be proud. I acted like nothing was wrong in my life when I was with other people. I wore a mask of always smiling. But deep down, I knew I was hurting on the inside. I cared too much about making it seem like I had no problems in this world. But we all know everybody has their struggles. Some are better at telling people than others. I made it a priority to help everyone before I took care of myself.

Since I threw away the costume, I plan to be myself in the ways that allow me to be who God wants me to be. I became so lost from saying I was living my life for myself. I couldn't easily change my ways. It took a mental breakdown for days for me to get the opportunity to be my true self. If you are eager to find the light in the darkest time, it may surprise you with how bright it is. I was in a very dark place with no hope of getting out of it. But the light of allowing me to be myself from now on is the brightest light I could find.

I'm so happy to be out of this sweaty costume. I feel free and ready to be me. It's a little uncomfortable trying to learn who I am and revealing that person to everyone. But I can do it!