Stop Letting Fear Control Your Life

I woke up the morning following my cancer diagnosis gripped with fear. Although woke up is not entirely accurate, since I got little sleep having suddenly come face to face with my own mortality.

But it wasn’t the fear of death itself that kept me tossing and turning all night. It was the fear of dying with so many of my dreams unfulfilled. I didn’t want to die regretting so many undone things.

A Lifelong Dreamer

I have always been more of a dreamer than a doer. Some dreams have been fleeting dreams, others have persisted like my dream of becoming a writer.

Over the years I have made half-assed attempts at going for that dream, but something always stopped me.

Most times I’d stop before I got properly started. Other times, like when I finished a book following a 30-day writing challenge, I stopped once I entered the final full stop. For years I left that book to gather dust rather than edit it and try to get it in front of agents and publishers.

It was my fear of it not being good enough that stopped me from proceeding further. Frankly, it was terrible.

“The first draft of anything is shit.”  — Ernest Hemingway

However, as I realised when I dug out the original manuscript several years later, there was a good story in there, it just needed a rewriting.

Then there would be times when I let others to feed my fear of failure. Like when I considered applying to a drama school, and I allowed my ex-partner to talk me out of it. His words of the unpredictable world of acting fuelled my fears of not being good enough.

So I abandoned my dream of conquering the stage.

When cancer made me analyse my life, I faced the harsh truth that my path was littered with unfulfilled dreams.

Conquering Fear Step by Step

I’d be lying if I said I immediately conquered my fears of failure and charged ahead to fulfil my dreams.

Getting diagnosed with cancer was the catalyst I needed. It made me realise there were worse things to fear than failure. For me, that was dying without realising my dreams.

I began working on my dreams and putting my writing out there. I started a blog and discovered online platforms where I could publish my writing.

The more I wrote, the more my confidence grew. Getting positive feedback from my readers helped so much to boost my confidence. As did getting through to the second round in the NYC short stories competition in 2020.

I’m not saying I’m free of fear now. Far from it. For example, the idea of sending my now polished manuscript to agents still scares me shitless. But I’m not letting that fear stop me anymore. Neither will I let rejections (I’m sure there will be some) stop me from searching until I find the right agent for me.

Learn To Harness Your Fears

Since the catalyst that prompted me to change my life, I have worked hard to combat my fears. Not just my fears of failure, but fear of taking risks, fear of stepping out of my comfort zone.

Fear can be a useful tool.

I still have plenty of fears and doubts, but now I don’t let them stop me from creating the life I have always dreamt of.

When I hesitate, I remind myself of how I felt when faced with the possibility of never fulfilling - or even trying to fulfil - my dreams.

That is the push I need to get my writing out there.

I have harnessed my biggest fear and made it work for me.

Don’t let your fears tie you down and stop you from going for your dreams.

Harness your fears. Learn to use them to your advantage so you can create the life you have always dreamt of.