Stage 3

Have you ever wondered how a cancer patient really feels? What they really go through? Over time the word "cancer "has become a word that is whispered or never spoken of. Whether it is spoken about or not the reality is those who are diagnosed with cancer can not escape it's grasp. I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer and thought I would die for about 5 weeks, then after having a double mastectomy, reconstructive surgery and 19 lymph nodes removed (5 testing positive for cancer) the final diagnosis was stage 3 which I was grateful that I could at least try to fight for my life. I completed 7 months of chemotherapy, 6 weeks of radiation therapy, and am 2 and a half years into hormone therapy, that I have to be on everyday for 10 years. Here is the truth, our truth. Here's my story. Before March 3rd 2017 I thought a “Breast cancer survivor" was a woman who had breast cancer and did not die from it. Boy was I wrong! The word "Survivor" doesn't give justice to what it is we really overcome. Being a Cancer Survivor means so much more then whether we live or die. Survivor is about surviving, not necessarily surviving cancer itself but more about surviving the mental abuse that the effects of cancer will put you through, have you questioning and second-guessing every decision you once were so sure of. Being a survivor is about surviving the emotional abuse that to often leave you feeling crippled, but with no crutches. Try to imagine fighting for your life while everything you once new about yourself is being taken over by an unseen impostor, that confusingly... is you. Surviving are those moments when we begin to question if it's even worth it anymore and as were crying, alone, on our bathroom floor, we find the strength to get back up in order to be a wife or a mom, because no matter what we go through we want those around us to feel normalcy within their own lives. We become survivors every time we show up for chemotherapy, radiation , and for endless surgeries, some so painful that at times you will forget how to breath, praying for it to at least lessen just enough to catch our breath, even if its just for a moment. Over time the pain does lessen while little by little strengthening the way that we will view ourselves. Eventually becoming proud to wear our permanent badge of honor. finally being able to see that we are so much more than just our scars. But that won’t happen until we overcome everything we once never thought we could, like having my breast removed, possibly having my ovaries removed and put on hormone therapy to stop the estrogen in which fuels my cancer, leaving me to ask “if you take all of that from me, than how will I ever feel like I am a woman again?" Being a survivor is the moment we are handed the pen in which our oncologist gives us and we are told to place our signature on a form (before we are given chemotherapy) stating that we understand that chemo will kill some of us. You see for me, just like so many other survivors,our fight doesn’t have anything to do with whether we will survive or not, It’s the possibility that maybe, just maybe because of the fight in which we are fighting today it will give my children and your children a greater possibility to never have to wonder whether they will lose their battle to cancer because we already fought that fight for them.