Sick and tired

Back in Christmas 2001, I woke up feeling overly full, but not from eating. Granted, it was Christmas and I had been eating a lot of junk food but, I'd never felt ill from eating junk food the previous day.

My head was hot but my body was shivering. I was freezing! My stomach was hard to the touch and I was uncomfortable, but after trying for the toilet quickly realizing it wasn't constipation.

I stayed in bed for hours after that. Shivering under the covers, curtains drawn, quiet and in the dark.

Eventually, my Dad came to check on me. My legs were shaky, my energy was very low. I didn't feel right and he could see it. We went to the doctor who after a few basic tests told my Dad,

"Get him to a hospital now! I suspect it's a burst appendix." She said calmly.

The next moments, hours and even days are a hazy blur. I remember rushing to the car, Dad talking to me to try and keep me awake on the ride to the hospital. I remember that I couldn't hear much over my now raging fever. By the time we got to the hospital, I was weak. When my Dad asked me to get out of the car, I remember breaking down and crying, telling him;

"I can't move my legs" I whimpered up to him.

I remember reaching up and him putting me into his arms and me being carried to the doors. Then... Nothing.

I come in and out of consciousness. Between fever dreams and random memories of different parts of treatment from being put on oxygen, to waking up screaming in pain as nurses administering morphine. I lost track of time, reality and who 'I' was.

To this day, there is one haunting nightmare that I remember clear as crystal that I believed to the core of my being. Death was coming. I saw a grim reaper on a roadside in the snow. A car crash that I wasn't in. A future version of myself drowning. Looked like exhaustion was the cause, he was thrashing about trying desperately to keep breathing, unable to stay above the surface the grim reaper pulls him below.

I wake up from this dream, covered in a cold sweat. Confused. Scared, but not alone. I remember seeing my Dad asleep in the chair next to me. I am now sat bolt upright, looking around this shared hospital room to see a moonlit sky outside. As I glance back around, for the briefest of moments between quick breaths, I see it again. A grim reaper. This time, I know I'm not sleeping. It faded between the inhale and exhale of breaths. Unlike most other nightmares and some dreams, I could remember every detail about the nightmare I had that night perfectly.

This, was the first instance that made me question my own mortality and the fragility of life. At 10 years old, I had seen death and felt that death had seen me. Realizing that the mark of mortality, can be a heavy burden for a young soul. I worked hard to rehabilitate myself!

I was bed ridden after being operated on for almost 2 weeks, besides the two litres of puss removal from my abdomen plus the appendectomy surgery itself, this immobility and no real food had drastically diminished my physical capabilities.

The hospital staff were very friendly and professional. My physiotherapist was excellent. He encouraged me by showing that any effort I put in, would yeild more results every day. This seed is a lesson that I have since used throughout the rest of my life.

As the days went by, I got stronger and stronger. Being at a hospital for any extended period of time means you get to do other things and meet other people. I was surprised at how many activities they had there for children, such as toys, TV, book reading, drama productions. It was a great comfort at the time but is a sadness looking back as an adult now, that such things are necessary.

I made friends with several other patients, one I remember had severe allergies. She said she was in there every couple of weeks and gave me a great perspective on why you should enjoy any opportunities that come your way in life, because you won't always get them again. She was wise beyond her years. The only thing I would add now as a adult, is that, we can create opportunities for ourselves and others as long as we are willing to allocate our time and resources.

Over all, this series of small events that took place irrevocably changed and saved my life. Throughout my adult life, I can look back and remind myself of how strong I was to pull back from the brink, using my own strength along with the fortitude and trust of those around me. I can look back and know that I can survive, thrive and overcome because if only a boy can do it, so can any man.