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She inspires change

Mental Health speaks up

By Sharita DarchellePublished 4 years ago 10 min read
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I have heard that the people in your life make you who you are or inspire you to become better. Yet, many miss that circumstances and how things are dealt to you in your life, also make you or me into who we are today. So it is safe to say you are able to inspire yourself or be your own inspiration because we do surprise ourselves with the things we are doing or changing everyday. Personally, I could say I had to make things happen for myself being that I was an only child and my life growing up was not the greatest. However, it does seems somewhat self-absorbed, but it is not the case. Personally, I remember growing up and not really knowing my families true history or background for that matter besides the lifestyle of trying to survive. Like Jhene Aiko said in the song Beautiful Ruin, my mother was a gypsy and my daddy was most definitely a rolling stone. I am my mother's only child, so it was a single parent home, not male figure in my life to truly show or provide an image of what it is like to have a real man in my life. Of course, raised without a father and no guidance most of the women in my family had to figure life out the best way they knew how, and it was not built on love, but more so on survival. I, too, had learned the behavior, and learned how to make it out of any bad situation I had faced in my life, what we recognize as a strong woman.

For a strong woman, I would admire and have is like Maya Angelou, Eartha Katt, Nina Simone, Toni Morrison, Oprah, are women of inspiration to me and books, songs, movies, and poetry that I love of theirs. They are women, just like I, strong Black Women, that showed the strength of women like me. I on the other hand had things rough like them. Being a young girl living wild in free in my early years, looking for love in all the wrong places. Growing up with the pain of my past of no affection from and an absent dad. My mom, making a dollar out of 15 cents, just make sure we make it, while she is still trying to make things happen for herself. However that left me to fend for myself and always getting left so she could do what she had to do for herself. We had not ever really connected so, I was already feeling the neglect without a man, but also missing the need of having a mother as well. Things I must say, why and how I admire myself, appreciate and grateful for all the things I had to take or endure to get where I am today.

I became a mother at the age of 18, it was a struggle to find out how to care for me and my oldest child. Got married at 19, to a man that gave false pretenses, used me to get his green card. My first marriage where I experienced a continuation of what had occurred to me in childhood. For 7 months straight, I had to fight with a man and send my child to a country away from for the first time. Got my first abortion during my first marriage because I was told the by my husband the baby was not his. I had not recovered from that, but my blessing in disguise was when I decided to go into the military. It was an escape, but I was too embarrassed to ask for help during my first year in and when he got me pregnant (of course, not by choice). During that pregnancy, I finally had to call for help after he tried to fight me and I filed a police report. Thank the heavens for my chain of command, and the leaders I was blessed with that talked common sense into me and required me to fly him home away from me. My lucky break came when I was able to file for my divorce and at the same time got sent to Afghanistan. Gratefully, I was surrounded by my battle buddies that got me through that tough times. First time I had ever felt hopeless and could not protect my children besides the time my first ex-husband tried to kidnap my son came when I discovered my third pregnancy. That pregnancy and period during that time was the darkest in my life.

At 15 weeks, I lost one of the babies, and I was barely recovering from being back home from overseas. Stuck with 2 kids and pregnant, 12 hours away from family, and alone. Only thing close to family I had for the following 6 years were my military friends. The mark and change of my life came after I gave birth to Marcus. Funny side story, it took me 3 weeks to come up with a name for him, and the doctors use to chuckle when they call him, baby no name. Anyway, at 5 weeks, a military associate (guy that assumed had offered to help keep the kids because I was exhausted and really did not go out often besides to friends homes and nowhere else. Fast forward through the crazy things, lets just say me leaving my children with this person change my life drastically. My son, suffered a bilateral fracture to the skull, hemorrhaging (blood and swelling around the brain), stroke, seized, and flat lined. I just remember, disassociating so bad that anytime someone spoke to me things were a distance voices. They got even more distance when I got my life pink slip (protection order against me to see my kids). I got accused of hurting my child and was considered a danger to them. A court case that was supposed to be done in 3 to 6 months, got dragged out for 17 months. For 17 months, I was without my children and of course at that time doctors only diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. Yet, I had even deeper issues than what I had thought I was dealing with besides being in shock from what happened with my older 4 children.

Though I was already carrying so much from being a young mother and a divorcee, more things got paled on me. I returned to school to try and finish my bachelor's degree for the second time and it was like mission impossible. My mental health took a hit for itself and what is inspiring me now. After my 6th and 7th pregnancy, I started to have bad sleep episodes, where I could walk and dose off to hurt myself (yes, narcolepsy) and doctors would chalk it up from being overweight, still having hormones from the last two babies, so much more. I was getting ignored so more, as if I was not already dealing with childhood pain, old relationships, and still being in shock (or so I thought). Not to mention, that not only did I have one child with special needs, but now 2 more that were autistic. Make things more difficult, sleep seemed impossible, my moods went up and down for weeks at a time, and I would cycle in and out. My social skills, were not the greatest and I started having worse time looking or dealing with myself (self-harm), and suffered in silence.

During this time, I hit my bottom or so I thought, which happen to be I had an actual manic and psychotic episode, leaving me to not only have anxiety and depression, to then adding Bipolar Depressive, Borderline Personality, Schizoaffective with mania, Chronic PTSD, and the list carries on. Meaning, on paper, I am considered an unstable person not capable of living a normal life like other people. With being diagnosed with all of these things, imagine what stereotype things occurred,especially with dealing with doctors. If I spoke to a specialist, they would mention my diagnosis list, and tell me I was okay and the things were just in my head. I had one doctor tell me, I was looking for attention because I did not mention my sexual assault in a previous session. One doctor, sent me out to make another appointment after I told them that I had just took a bottle of my medications in an attempt to commit suicide. I felt, my cry out for help got ignored so much to the point I shut down. When I went out the door, I had force myself to among regular people when it was difficult to do so.

Imagine trying to go to the store and you keep hearing voices and seeing shadows in pure daylight while walking in a store. If I was alone, it would be an in and out situation that took no more than 5 minutes. There are times where I try to use my headphones to distract my mind so I do not scream, cry, or start talking because I risked getting the side eye. In all the scenarios and even today, I still get the same treatment and I have to tread lightly with the things I do or say. Though I am a single parent caring for 7 children, 3 which are special needs, still deal with combat stress, old family wounds, and fighting to finish my education the best way I know how without support. I feel I inspire myself, because I refuse to give up fight regardless of the tribulations that were given and put upon me. I have the will to fight through all my life's challenges that I have faced and am facing, I refuse to give up. The author's that I mentioned earlier, have a story to tell just like I do, but something new that will inspire or change the status quo. I am not afraid of speaking and standing in my truth of having mental health issues, but not letting them stop me from being considered normal like the rest of the world too.

Just like everyone else, feeling the back and forth one being sexually oriented socially acceptable, but those that are inclusive should include those with severe mental health issues, but also those that are functional with there disabilities. Even though all the odds are stacked against me, I am a woman, I am Black, I am mother of 7 children, I am female U.S Army combat veteran, I have mental health issues, but I am grateful for those help and I hope to inspire someone else to know they are not alone and no longer have to hide societies stereotype of your health. I will show people that mental health is not bad, it just changes the status quo.

I AM an ordinary Woman, with extraordinary powers that is willing to show the world that I am not ashamed of who I am and what I am about. I lost a lot and do not get offered many opportunities, but the ones I deserve I will put in the extra work to show and prove my worth to myself before anything else. The words of encouragement and acts of self-love comes from with me. My capability to change during my mania makes me more adaptable to change to the new waves and create something bigger than me. The things I am discussing is inspiring to myself, but not for any selfish reason, but teaches and helps others there is no reason to hide and they too can shine light in the darkest place of themselves and recover with no help. Only if you believe and think positively everything will work in their favor. So inspiration of these ladies similar stories, my added more experiences to the light, but I am no longer hiding. Hopefully, this is inspiring to another parent who is struggling, we all can make it through anything. Keep positive and gain wisdom from the things we are getting lessons in life.

healing
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About the Creator

Sharita Darchelle

I AM a spiritual being that happens to be a woman living in my full Divine Feminine. I AM a True Earth Mother of 7 children, which 3 are special needs (Autism and Cerebal Palsy/wheelchair bound). I AM an Army Combat Veteran.Spirituality

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