Self Help Books

In the early days a lot of my reading was based on fixing myself. A lot of problems I found, could be resolved with my life if I could absolute my thought patterns.

Like they always say the mind is like a computer. What goes in is what comes out.

So I don't like a lot of mess and garbage in the old computer.

So with all the emotional problems I was having early on from this car wreck or that car wreck, then the Charlie Brown constant harassment syndrome which I didn't know that was what it was, I decided I had to help myself emotionally to get out of the crying spells and jitters.

Books I started reading were Big Me Little Me, Fear Of Flying, I'm Dancing As Fast As I Can, How To Save Your Own Life, Ain't I A Wonder And Ain't You A Wonder Too? Psychosybernetics, The Screwing Of The Average Man and so on.

What I learned was a lot of times we let people control us by allowing them to control our emotions. I.e., to make us angry happy or sad. With the happiness area it makes us needful of others.

A person who will scream at you during a migraine is a person I don't want any parts of and if that's all they got, forget about it. I like my own company any way if all I'm going to hear is waste of time mind control vote for me, pimp talking.

I had better things to do.

I'm not such a bad egg in my eyes, so, that's how it is.

You can't control what people say about you. People talk whether you are doing good or bad and if you're doing good they probably won't admit it.

Best to be your own best friend. You can't really let you down if you're true to yourself.

When you get involved with people you get into complicated conflicting emotions. It doesn't help to be around people who want you to see everything their way.

It just doesn't.

It stifles and you find you're not able to breath.

Momma was a very smothering person. I guess so many wrecks. She was very fearful and smothered me with emotions. She didn't want me to go anywhere. She didn't want me to work but I wanted a life. So I went to work. I learned a lot of things about life, etc. Then finally I came home and stayed home.

I loved being home with momma and daddy and Reggie, then Merry and Mellie.

I was always happy and content despite the buttinskis, etc.

My boss Maxine used to always say people will screw up a wet dream.

She never lied there.

I'm sitting here with my life in shambles behind hear say and gossip. I never leave my house.

What's the remedy for that? To continue to be mistreated?

I don't know. There is no excuse. And prostitution is so unglamorous. Being killed for funeral home money is unglamorous.

I can see anything exciting. But paltry, nope.

It's embarrassing to even say it.

Pimp world here, though. Not going to work.

Melody had a friend in high school named Amber. They lived in an expensive area in town. Whenever the girls went to the movie or whatever Amber's mom was always asking me how much money Amber needed like she was thinking holy cow look at that girl! Bank hank all day long!

The cheesey way the dst delta sigma theta talks.

So. Amber's dad last I heard worked at CNN. Melody has a sudden job change to Atlanta.

You know, when they get in politics, etc. and they want to entertain their constituents whatever, they might know this girl or that girl behind her momma's back. You know, we're dealing with high rollers.

No girl is safe if they are not their sister or daughter.

So, what to do what to do what to do? I say expose it. I know talking about it puts my girls in jeopardy, but temporary is temporary.

The pimp hook is to get paid and let the girl go to jail. That's how he skirts around the law.

Agony, pain, suffering, things you can sue about, what happens to that? A slick who knows how to maneuver his self through the system, knows the law so knows how to beat it, what about him?

I never understood names like jail bird growing up knowing how the system works. Well maybe I do. Don't let it be me. Disassociation is perfect. I'm not going now where where a person is more likely to harm me or steal from me.

I don't see my life spiraling down. I see my life being forced down.

So, no, I'm not looking to associate with anyone. Bills have to be paid. Nothing's free, shouldn't a done it, a hundred legal legs to stand on with the presumption that I'm stupid and do not know people skirt around.

So with that being said knowing some people hope against hope that they'll pull this that or the other thing off, I'm going to enjoy the day.

I can't do anything about a "giant" walking around wreaking havoc in my life, so as they say in alcoholics anoymous and emotions anonymous, the courage to change the things I can (about me, you) the serenity to accept the things I can't change (about me, you) and the wisdom to know the difference.