Returning To Bliss

What a beautiful platform this is! Our stories are what connects us and allows us to relate to each other. Whether fictional, nonfiction, autobiographies or even poems; Stories are ultimately expressing to the world our minds and experiences. I wanted to begin this journey with transparency! I have always appreciated authors who were open and authentic. I will begin this journey exactly that way.

I am from Greenville, North Carolina. My age is 25 and my skin and eyes are brown. I have 13 known siblings and I grew up with both parents physically present. I grew up in the Christian faith. I love to dance, sing, and draw.

As I filled out college applications, the options as we all know were: Hispanic, White, Black/African American, Native American, and Other. WAIT! I don’t know anyone from Africa. Black and White are races (I thought they were colors)?🤔 I’d taken Spanish class twice and I still didn’t catch on to the language. Deep brown Native American images were not a normalcy. Am I other? What is the other? After that day, I realized I was only a description of features and what surrounded me.

Communication and family discussions weren’t a thing for us growing up. Family debates or questions such as “How are you feeling today” were not either. Learning my parents history played a great role in my process of forgiveness. Their stories caused me to gain compassion for others and taught me not to take any other humans actions and decisions personally.

Spiraling internally, smoking marijuana 4-5 times a day, planted inside of a toxic relationship that resulted in an arrest, fighting, sexual risk taking, and all out self-neglect. This side of life showed me the necessity of chaos. A hurricane, yet destructive, creates a space to clean up the mess and begin again but better. That hurricane is Mother Nature’s tantrum for change. My hurricane brought me so much understanding and wisdom. It taught me about emotional intelligence and how to truly show myself love. It changed me for a better me.

So I’m learning these lessons and gaining purpose and understanding, but that “Other” still bugged the shit out of me. What defined me? What determines who I am? My “race”? My environment?

Indigenous American. There was a name to that other. The changing of my people’s race boggled my mind until then. I was grateful for the revelation. Although grateful, I was not fulfilled fully and solely by the information. What fulfilled me fully was this information plus the lessons I’d learned so far in life. The internal growth and wisdom gained. The knowledge I gained of self. I ask a lot of questions that may annoy others but it’s because I live for clarity. I may seem mean but I am just serious by nature. I am smiley, bubbly, and talkative when I feel free. What defines me is all that I am internally; All that I say that I am!

The journey will piss you off, depress you, oppress you, tear you down, annoy you, and sometimes leave you wanting to end it all. But the journey will also uplift you, stimulate you, teach you, mold you, and give you joy and peace.

Innerstand this wisdom and Return To Bliss!