Reclaiming Power As A Woman

”What am I most passionate about?”

The question is printed in my thin, neat handwriting at the top of my journal page, visible only by the firelight flickering from an array of candles that surround me. A raven feather gifted to me by the forest rests softly behind my left ear for inspiration. Smoke billows in tiny streams to my left, a combination of frankincense, palo santo, & sage. Ancient Egyptian music plays over my speakers as a woman vocalizes a haunting melody. I smell the essence of eucalyptus & mint, feeling the activation as my left & right brain hemispheres begin to interact more prominently through stimulation. I have just finished stretching & moving my body to get my creative juices flowing, & now I sip on some warm Peruvian cacao to open my heart space & connect me to the wisdom of the mountains.

I am in ceremony.

All of my senses have been engaged, bringing me fiercely into my body & therefor fiercely into this present moment.

I have been pondering on this question for days, unsure of how to answer properly, for there are many fibers that weave together to form the vibrant tapestry known as “my passions”.

Bring in the additional question, “How can I monetize that passion in a perfect world?”, & my many thoughts begin to slowly sort themselves into more organized categories. Ideas start to float to the surface as I ask for clarity. I begin to feel myself having a bit more grasp at the concept I wish to convey. I have a deep inner knowing that whatever message is meant to be delivered through this piece of writing is one that will mark the beginning of a new chapter; a new identity; a new way of service & showing up in the world.

Being open about my intentions in an online presence, rather than just writing about them in one of my many journals, is the first step in alchemizing an idea into physical reality.

In the simplest of terms, at this phase in my life I am most passionate about the wisdom of/within women’s bodies, creating/facilitating sacred ceremony, connecting with the elements in relation to our own experiences, & healing through the power of sound, movement, & intention.

Let me break each of these categories down just a bit, so you understand what they mean to me.

THE WISDOM SURROUNDING WOMEN’S BODIES

As someone who has been walking the path of healing from sexual trauma, type 1 diabetes, chronic migraines, & extreme hormonal imbalance, I have been on a highly immersive & educational journey of learning the language of the body in the name of healing physically & emotionally. I’ve come to understand that every experience we have, especially the more intense emotional/traumatic ones, has a direct influence on the cellular makeup of our body. Our bodies store these emotional imprints for years, until we consciously decide to reopen our wounds & allow them to heal properly. Not only do we store the emotional wounding of our own life experience-we also carry down the generational trauma from our ancestors before us within our DNA, similar to the way animals in nature instinctively know what to do without having to be told. This includes a mass suppression of voice, individual expression, & personal power. While this may sound daunting, the bright side illuminates the fact that just as our bodies store negative emotions, they also hold an incredible amount of wisdom. Our bodies are a living organism all on their own. When I learned how to interact with my body in a harmonious & aligned fashion, it was as if I gained access to an entire library of information. I began to understand the deeper needs, functions, & messages of my body. Our bodies know how to heal. They know what food to eat. They know what exercises we need & when. Our bodies are so incredibly intelligent! I am passionate about continuing to learn about the cycles of the body, the nervous system & how our surrounding environment affects it, the subtle messages of guidance that arise when we sit in stillness with our hands over our womb space, & the power that comes with activation of the generational wisdom that is lying dormant & encoded within our DNA.

CREATING & FACILITATING SACRED CEREMONY

I still remember my first full moon ceremony. I drove an hour outside of the city & sat on top of my car with a candle, some crystals, & a burn bowl. I wrote down the qualities in my recent habits that I wished to let go of, such as procrastination, self-sabotage, & seeking validation from others instead of myself. I spoke out loud to my creator, the earth, & the moon, praying my intention & desire for assistance in rising above these qualities. I burned each piece of paper, finding immense satisfaction in watching these qualities turn to ash in the bowl. Fast forward 4 years later; I now create sacred ceremonies to mark every rite of passage. When a relationship ends, I create a ceremony to honor the lessons I gained, the love I experienced, & the severing of ties between my energetic field & my ex lover’s. When I need guidance in a particular area of my life, I light a pillar candle annoited with objects surrounding my intention & journal while the candle burns. When I am in grief, I light sage & dance my emotions through my body out into the earth. Ceremony is a way for me to connect with myself, my spiritual team, & my inner compass. It is a way of redirecting my focus from the inside, rather than from an external source who doesn’t know my situation as intimately as I do & therefor cannot guide me as well as I can. Ceremony is a way of honoring the old, honoring endings, & moving into a new phase. It is honoring new beginnings, dreams, visions, & potential. It is honoring rejoining the parts of ourselves that we have shut out due to societal judgement or suppression. Bringing a sense of the sacred into my every day life has shifted my experience from one of anxiety to one of gratitude. I am passionate about creating sacred ceremonies specifically tailored to the needs of a present situation, transition, or desire in the name of growth, self confidence, alignment, healing & transformation.

CONNECTING WITH THE ELEMENTS IN RELATION TO OUR OWN EXPERIENCES

I have always resonated with archetypal comparison as a way of understanding ourselves & the world around us on a deeper level. What the elements represent to me has evolved as I’ve walked along my path, as I’m sure they will continue to do the more I grow. I have always been deeply immersed in the natural world-as a child some of my favorite sensory experiences were the sight of a dancing campfire, the sound of the wind through the trees, the smell of the desert after it rains, & the feeling of a cold river flowing around me on a hot summer day. As I broke free from the chains of a religiously suppressed family & came to develop my own spiritual practices into young adulthood, my relationship to the elements deepened in a profound & healing way. I now connect with the element of Earth when I need to ground into my body, work on my foundation, strengthen my roots, gain wisdom, build a deeper sense of community, & establish a sense of stability. I connect with the element of Air when I need to use my voice, cleanse my energetic field, sing/create music, set boundaries, & call in more freedom. I connect to the element of Fire when I need to channel my creative inspiration, strengthen my center of power, invoke passion, burn away clouded vision, & transmute pain, limiting beliefs, or old emotions. I connect to the element of Water when I need to tap into the flow of my creativity or emotions, release shame/guilt, & surrender control. I am passionate about finding a cord of resonance between whatever experiences I find myself navigating & the empowering reflection/support within the elements to assist in my process.

HEALING THROUGH THE POWER OF SOUND, INTENTION, & MOVEMENT

When I feel the looming voice of anxiety threatening to take hold of my body, I immediately throw my headphones in, set my intention to move those feelings through & out of my body, & dance like nobody is watching. 2 songs later, my entire energetic has shifted, not a trace left of anxiety. When I feel scatter brained & unable to think clearly, I sit down to play my crystal bowls, toning to the melodies that arise. 5 minutes into this process, my mind is an open channel able to clearly deliver the questions to any answer I have. When I feel angry, I bang my frustration out on the surface of the drum & chant loudly. Engaging in these processes has taught me firsthand the potency behind intentional movement & the consumption of music that speaks to me on an emotional level. Singing songs of empowerment in combination with the healing frequency of the bowls to help my sisters heal the experiences of their childhood sexual trauma has been the highest honor. Engaging in the process of moving certain parts of the body to release the stored trauma deep within the fascia has proven to be extremely effective in transforming my way of showing up in the world, for myself & others. I am passionate about working with the many forms of sound & intuitive movement to initiate powerful shifts in the mental, physical, spiritual, & emotional bodies.

Now that you have a better understanding of the deeper meaning behind my most prominent passions, let me share why I know firmly within my heart that people will want to hear what I have to say.

THIS IS NOT SOMETHING WE ARE TAUGHT IN SCHOOL

Many people are not taught how to actually feel their feelings. They are not taught that there is a healthy way to experience anger. Many people are not shown how to celebrate & honor themselves so they do not have to seek external validation from people who oftentimes do not deliver, leading to further disappointment. Many people do not know how to handle heavier emotions such as grief, betrayal, sexual shame, & depression. We are not taught that emotions actually have a physical effect on the chemical makeup of our cells & can play a huge role in our behavioral patterns, & we are not taught how to heal ourselves from these emotions. With suicide & mental illness at an all time high, easier access to this kind of awareness is incredibly necessary at this time.

EVERYONE IS ALWAYS TRYING TO IMPROVE THEMSELVES SOMEHOW

Whether we are trying to cultivate more peace, forgive ourselves/others, build self confidence, discover a deeper sense of meaning & direction, or cultivate a stronger connection to the divine, most of us are seeking some sort of improvement in at least one area of our lives. What I offer is not a sales pitch for a product; it is a self filled prescription of wisdom & awareness for a healthier, happier, more meaningful life.

I SPEAK FROM DIRECT EXPERIENCE

I share methods that I’ve personally used for myself in my own journey that have worked extremely well for the development of my emotional strength, mental awareness, balance, & resilience. I also draw from an abundant source of wisdom accumulated by the consumption of many educational books, podcasts, conversations, & other means of publication.

PEOPLE SENSE MY AUTHENTICITY

When I speak, people listen. I speak with an open heart, often weaving themes of vulnerability, honesty, lessons & empowerment into my words. I evoke emotional reactions from the things I share. Any good judge of character is able to sense the authenticity behind the words I speak, the pure intention/dedication to service, & the love that pours from my empathetic heart. Genuine expression can be hard to come by at times, so when people encounter it they are highly likely to listen.

How does one gather all of the above information & turn it into something able to be monetized?

Ahh, the trickiest part.

I grab the open bottle of cinnamon in front of me, inhaling the scent as my tired overactive brain comes back into focus for this last question.

A phrase floats into my mind’s eye:

Sacred Ceremonialist

I envision myself at the end of a meeting with a client. She has just unpacked a hefty load of suppressed thoughts/feelings that have been viciously breeding a sense of disempowerment that leaks into different areas of her life.

She is being emotionally abused in her relationship.

She is pregnant with her first child.

She is too scared to leave the father of her child, because she has no connection to her family & she does not want to journey through pregnancy & enter into motherhood alone.

I begin my process of cultivating an immersive 9 month program filled with customized ceremonies, hands on body work, sound healings, & chakra clearing/balancing work.

I incorporate methods of movement to shift the deeply imbedded beliefs of unworthiness in the womb space.

I investigate lineage trauma that could have been passed down & still residing within the cells of the body.

I educate this woman on the beautiful process her body is undergoing, shifting her perspective from one of disempowerment to utter amazement & appreciation for herself as a bad ass life-giving force of power & creation.

I guide her in rediscovering her voice.

I take her to bathe in the creek & allow the shame, guilt, & pain to flow through her body into the water.

I bring her to the forest to connect with the healing essence of the trees, to borrow of their life force for her own strength.

I help her burn away the layers of self that are ready to be shed in exchange for something new.

I assist her in connecting to the spirit of her baby, so she knows she has all the love she needs inside of her already.

I remind her of the power of relying solely on her divine connection to get through the darkest parts of life in a state of complete trust without settling for anything less than what she deserves.

I witness the transformation of a scared young maiden into an empowered woman, ready to take on the world as a spiritual warrior in a single mother’s body.

THAT is how I will monetize this passion of mine. This wisdom of mine. This gift of mine.

This is a declaration that I know to be true.

All in divine timing.

The hardest part is finding the time & space, away from the responsibilities of a demanding job to make ends meet, in order to construct such an intimate plan.

Such an offering requires devoted energy & fierce presence.

In the current state, as a diabetic working grocery deliveries, I find I am left with little energy reserves in the evenings to devise such plans. However, I take those baby steps finding satisfaction in knowing even small steps bring me that much closer to my end goal. Someday soon I will be in a position to manifest this dream into my reality.

I will shift from delivering unhealthy packages of ice cream & chocolate donuts to people’s doors, to delivering the most life changing medicine directly from the door of my heart to the heart of my clients.

I believe in my vision, firmly.

As I reach the end of my journaling session, I thank you for reading this far. I appreciate your time, interest, & openness to hearing what I have to say. After all, we live in a society that is not always open to hearing of things that do not fit in the socially acceptable & traditional “norm”.

May you be inspired deeply by my words. I hope they have shifted, awakened, & activated something familiar within you on this day.

Blessed Be