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Reasons To Be Cheerful

1, 2, 3

By Warwick Holding Published 4 years ago 7 min read
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Part 1

My Dad Andy, loved listening to Ian Dury, he used to drive me mental, when I was in my teens. He would start shuffling, little pigeon steps while singing Spasticus Articulus, while poking my arm, he still did it when I was in my forties, I miss him a lot. He loved all his songs, I play the CD in my van, it was my Dads copy. I blast Reasons to be Cheerful out, windows down. I can imagine I look like a Mid Life Crisis guy, In my Vauxhall Combo little white van.

Obviously it’s a tough thing, bereavement, but it can bring out the best in people and I was overwhelmed, with the response to the sad news we posted about my Dad, and this is the positive side of social media, It can be a fantastic obituary. Also, it prevents having to go over, again and again, how someone has died. The best part about using these platforms for sad news, is you really can feel the love from people, as I’ve got older, there has been an enormous shift in the way I see things. I believe that feeling the love from even messages or posts, for sad news or otherwise, generates an energy, a connection, similar to the energy at a concert, or a big sporting event, or music and dancing, and that was why ecstasy was such a massive part of a lot of people’s lives. That energy means something important, at those times we are all a collective, tuned in to one frequency. There’s a power in that, and it’s a good power. At those moments, it’s almost as if we have all moved closer, to the real reason, we are all here.

We had hundreds of really nice messages, and it showed how my unconventional Dad, had connected with so many different people. In all honesty, he was an old Hippie, and did like to spread the love, He believed in that energy, he knew the strength in people connecting, and created those connections. Everyone loved his visits, and he did light up the room on entering, as well as a joint. The Graffiti picture above was posted in response to the news by a couple of graffiti artists, Gig and Dekko, on a wall at Trellick House in London, and I was overjoyed to know, he was that important in so many people’s lives. They also sent my sisters and I, framed copies, which we all have at home. Of all the artwork I have, it’s my favourite picture, because it reminds me of that energy, and gives me belief in people. I can’t think of a better tribute, to a fantastic man and legend, Mr Gray.

Part 2

In my opinion there is humour in everything. I don’t mean it’s ok to laugh at anyone’s sadness or misfortune. Humour is a tonic, and laughter is definitely a medicine. I occasionally dabble in stand up comedy, I won’t say I’m a comedian, it’s more a hobby. Or maybe a type of self flagellation, that I need to chastise myself with periodically. It is a terrifying pastime, which is why ( I think ) I like the challenge of it. It is also symbolic of where I am personally, and if I have a good response to my jokes, which are mainly based on my life experiences and observations, and are all true. It makes me realise how important it is to laugh at yourself firstly, and how wonderfully infectious laughter can be. A friend of mine posted the picture about a woman snorting a dead mums ashes, and I love the comment, and I am jealous and wish I’d have come up with the joke, as it is, I have used it in a stand up set which people have really loved, and I have of course been honest that it is not my joke unfortunately.

Part 3

I can’t and won’t ever forget the first time that I met her. I won’t mention her real name, let’s call her Vim, (which as well as a cleaning product, that apparently makes things look new again, also very apt ) is defined as an energetic and lively spirit. It was like the classic cliched electric shock, or what I describe as a bounce from someone’s energy. Did she feel the same?, you’d have to ask her that. Of course she is beautiful, funny, intelligent, with amazing eyes, I just feel that we fit when we are together, and she has the most wonderful scent, that is so intoxicating. It’s not perfume, but her natural fresh smell, that makes me want to lose myself in its depths.

I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous, especially at my age. I was a bit of a player in my younger days, I always thought I was lucky to get the girls I did, and that I was punching well above my weight. Which to be honest was probably true, looking back I am amazed at how beautiful some of them are. I instigated most of the splitting up, I wasn’t always faithful, and I was always looking for something that may be better. I understand now, that was more to do with my own insecurities, and fear of loss, which was probably a result of being rejected by my mother as a kid. It’s much easier to self sabotage a relationship, it prevents anyone hurting you, if you don’t commit to it, doesn’t it?.

Actually, what a load of crap that is, when I did finally commit myself 100 per cent to my ex partner, the full monty, kids, house, business etc, 15 years. She destroyed me, she tried to ruin me, I lost everything I’d worked for, it felt, and it pushed me to a mental breakdown and to the brink of suicide. I remember repeatedly telling myself what a fucking idiot I had been to let my guard down and trust anyone. There were times, when I thought I would not ever come back from that dark place.

I’m glad it happened now, I know that I loved her, and still do. I wasn’t ever in love with her though. The reason I did commit to her, was because I didn’t believe in what I know now. In the four years since the big split, I’ve changed so much, I have totally lost the materialistic mind set, of money, cars, work, success etc. which is probably just as well, because she has it all. However, we did agree to split the house, and I got the outside, so it’s all fine. None of it is important anyway, I realise it’s really about connecting, and wellbeing, for self and others. That’s what makes me happy, I feel totally at ease and relaxed as a person, and I can honestly proudly say, for the first time in my life, I like myself.

So I don’t think I can punch above my weight anymore, whatever that actually means. Which is why I believed that I could be with Vim. Since I met her, she is the only woman I am interested in, and that has never happened to me before. It’s really odd, that I have some amazing women in my life, and more interest from women, than I’ve ever known. I meet lots of them, because I run a seafront café, but I don’t seem to notice them, until people tell me that they were obviously flirting with me.

So how long have we been together you are probably wondering?. We’re not together, which is a bit of a problem in the whole scheme of things. Why not?, you’d have to ask her that. I’m not going to go into my thoughts on that, I can only say, that she is obviously not yet on the same level as I am, I say yet, as if it’s definitely going to happen. Which is what I believe, and even though not being together is the only cause of sadness I have in my life. I also believe that part of her realises our connection, and that’s why she wants me in her life. The reason I keep this to myself normally, is because friends and family, will all probably tell me to move on, and that I’m wasting my time. They don’t understand why I’m single, and that it’s my choice, in the sense, that I choose her.

The video clip I’ve chosen in all honesty brings tears to my eyes, every time I watch it. It gives me a hope and a happiness for things to come, It sums up my feelings for her, she does make me hear symphonies, and I’ve imagined myself proposing to her, in a similar way, although I am not a violinist, but I can play the song on my Ukulele, and I’m sure she’d appreciate the sentiment, because that’s the sort of person she is, and after finally totally falling in love with someone, I’m willing to wait for her. Let’s hope it’s not a long wait.

happiness
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About the Creator

Warwick Holding

I’ve always been a storyteller, I’d love to say I was a writer, but I can’t. If people were even reading this on the toilet. I’d be humbled.

I write short, but true stuff, I try to mix honesty with humour, because it’s the only way I know

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