Providence

Diana sat on the couch contemplating her life. It was falling apart...again! Why it seemed to surprise her, she wasn't sure. It seemed her life was a roller coaster of ups and downs. Who was she kidding? Mostly downs.

She had finally found a decent job and things had been going fairly well. It seemed like things were FINALLY turning around for her. She was happy...ish. At least, as happy as she thought she ever could be. She thought she’d even gotten lucky and made it through all the job losses from Covid, until her boss, Kali, informed her that the business was closing and she was moving on to "greener pastures". Apparently, Kali didn't like the family business and finally found her 'dream job'. ‘Whatever that means.’

Diana's car broke down last week and she had no savings. She felt the impending doom of eviction pressing in on her. She was tired of living this way. ‘What am I going to do?’ She felt sick thinking about it. Her stomach turned.

She thought scrolling through her social media might help, but it only reminded her of Jacob and the girl he just left her for. She set her phone down, frustrated.

Jacob hadn’t exactly been the best boyfriend in the world. They had bad times, sure, but Diana always held onto hope that things would get better; HE would get better and be the person she always knew he could be. ‘Ugh. 5 years down the drain.’ She had given up so much for him. Her chest tightened.

Thinking of starting over added to the hurt. ‘What do I even have to offer a man?’ She eyed the box of his things by the front door. Her eyes welled. She feared she wouldn't be able to stop the inevitable much longer, yet a lone tear escaped.

A honk, thankfully, saved her. She quickly wiped the tear away as Caleb, her 17-year-old, walked in. Diana wiped her hand on her pants "Hey baby! Ready for some grandma time?" "I'm not a baby, mom" he said sternly. " I know, but you'll always be mine. I love you. Have fun!" He grunted “Whatever” and with that, he left.

‘Great. He hates me too.’ She got up and looked out the window to see him climb into the car. Her mom waved. She clenched her jaw. She noticed that she was doing the same thing her son had just done with her. ‘Irony.’ She watched as they drove off.

At least she had good reason to be mad at her mom. They haven't spoken, outside of conversations regarding Caleb, in almost a year. Months before that, Diana started having flashbacks of memories she didn't even know she had. Through therapy, she remembered: vividly. Her stepfather raped her as a child. She had only been 4 or 5. He had left her mom and Diana shortly after and moved in with a new family leaving her and her mom with almost nothing and nobody to help.

Diana closed her eyes and could almost feel the hand on her shoulder and hear his voice telling her to 'be a good little girl'. She shuddered. When she’d finally gotten the nerve up to tell her mom what had happened, her mom called her a liar. A liar! She still couldn't believe it. She was so angry and hurt. Her mom was supposed to be supportive. ‘My life is a disaster.’

Suddenly, it hit her. Her life mirrored her childhood. Oh God! The dam finally broke open and Diana fell to her knees and bawled, allowing all the tears and the pain she had avoided for so long; all the sorrow for herself, for the girl that she’d been, the job, Jacob, Caleb, came flooding out.

After what felt like a lifetime, she finally cried herself out. She didn't want to be inside anymore and needed some air. There was a park within walking distance Diana liked to go to. ‘I may not have any hope left, but at least I can a few moments of peace.’

Just as the park came into view, she saw someone get up from her favorite bench to leave. ‘Surprise! A lucky break.’ A few minutes later, she reached the bench and sat down. She noticed a little black notebook on the other end of the bench. ‘Huh.’ She looked around, wondering if she could still catch the man who left. He was long gone.

She grabbed the notebook. ‘Maybe there is a name or something here so I can get this back to whoever left it.’ She leafed through it and noticed pages filled with sentences starting with “I am...” Intrigued, she flipped to the first page, looked around the park again and started reading, soon engrossed in the journal.

It was about a man whose life was a mess, much like hers currently was. He eventually found a mentor who gave him an opportunity that would forever change his life. He was skeptical that these things would last in the beginning. They never had before, every time something good would happen, he would soon lose it. He was doubtful and confused, wondering how, if this took hours out of his day, it would make MORE time. He already never seemed to have enough.

In faith and desperation, the man started doing the things outlined in the journal. He did them three times every day, without fail. His life started to turn around and miraculous things began to happen. He even had more time than before because he was taking more of the RIGHT actions, which took less time and energy since they weren't being spent on the ‘hamster wheel’.

As he continued his daily practice, things continually got better. Even if he had a rough day or things didn't go exactly as planned, he noticed his thinking was different. He started seeing failures as opportunities instead of feeling as though it was HIM that was the failure.

His confidence grew, finances turned around, he obtained relationships that were joyous and fulfilling, and found the woman of his dreams. He finally knew that no matter what, things would be good because HE was different. His mind and his thinking had changed so drastically. He was a whole new person entirely.

Diana finished reading, took a deep hope-filled breath, and leaned back on the bench. Wow. She hadn't had hope in so long she had almost forgotten what it felt like. She hurried home as dusk approached.

Two months later, she started up her computer. As it hummed to life, she waited in anticipation as she made her way to the website announcement. Would she be the winner of the $20,000 writing contest? “Deep breaths Diana.”

She often went back to the park, hoping to find the owner of the journal to return it, but hadn’t had any luck. She wanted to thank him. She sometimes wondered if he left it there intentionally, hoping for someone to find it; to give hope and change a life. It certainly worked.

She had been doing everything the journal suggested. She had even done it on days she didn't want to get out of bed or didn't want to, which had been a lot in the beginning. She was nothing short of amazed at the results.

In those 2 short months, she got her car fixed, was actually getting along with Caleb, and even started writing and was getting paid to do it. It still felt like a dream. As her little writing business grew, she knew her income would continue to grow. She finally had hope for the future and even began to dream bigger than she’d ever thought possible.

She realized she was different, not the people around her. Her outer world was a reflection of her inner world. Things weren't perfect, but she was thankful for what she had and how vastly things were improving and knew they would continue improving. She was excited to get out of bed in the morning, which was new to her.

When the website finally loaded, her jaw dropped. She blinked to make sure she was reading correctly. In that moment, as she read her name, "Diana Clark" she knew: this was only the beginning.

Instructions from the black notebook:

1. Get ridiculously clear on your dreams. The clearer, the better.

What do you want? What would you do if money were no object? What are you passionate about? WHY do you want these things? The deeper you go, the better.

Answer for the following categories: Physical Health, Emotional, Mental/Intellectual, Spiritual, Family, Friends, Relationship, Finance, Career. What experiences would you like to have? Make a bucket list. Why are these important to you? The clearer you are, the better.

Make SMART goals. Look that up and follow the steps.

Break goals into daily, weekly, monthly, yearly tasks and into the smallest task possible.

Take action every single day towards those goals.

Reevaluate frequently.

2. Pretend every thought and every word out of your mouth become your reality, because they do.

3. 2-3 times daily, say at least 10 affirmations. (Don’t forget to use the rules in these!!) Visualize and feel all your goals as if they were happening and you are living it NOW. Journal: write about your day 5 years down the road as if these dreams all came true and you lived that day today. Write at least 5 things you are grateful for. (This may be really hard at first. It gets easier as you go.)

4. Most importantly: Follow inspired action! Even if it doesn't make logical sense, trust it. If you suddenly feel like going for a walk, go. If you feel like taking a different route to work, take it. If you get a hankering for Chinese food, and feel like you need to go across town to get it, even if one’s closer, go! This is your intuition and the universe trying to line things up for you. You may never know WHY and it may not show immediate results, but this is CRITICAL.

5. Be grateful. Be grateful. Be grateful!

6. Always follow the rules, in everything.

The rules:

1. NO negatives. They're counter effective. If you say 'I no longer have debt.' The focus is debt and you will get more. Focus on positives.

2. Use the 5 senses. Be DETAILED.

3. Include feelings. How you feel about it is key. FEEL the excitement!

4. Act as if. It’s already done. KNOW it is yours now. Believe. Even if you don't see it yet. You just haven't reached that moment in time yet. It could take 5 minutes or 5 years. When you plant a seed, you don't dig it up to see if it will grow. You know it will. Yes, every once in a while, you get a dud. That is okay. One out of a hundred is still incredible and it should take the sting out of it.

5. Let it go. Release the ‘how’. How it comes is not your concern.

6. Have the intention of 'this or something better'. Sometimes, until we get something, we didn't even know we wanted it and we wouldn't trade it for the world. (For some of us, that's our kids! 😂)

7. Show Gratitude.

Live your best life. Turn your mess into a message & your trials into testimony. Challenges are really just opportunities. Be the hope & the change you want to see. Forgive. It doesn't make what they did right, nor does it excuse it or mean you have to allow it to continue. Forgiveness is for you, not them. Unforgiveness is poison in YOUR body, not theirs. Show kindness, love, and compassion to others. You have NO IDEA what they're going through. Believe in yourself. You can achieve anything. It starts with a step. Remember: you’re more amazing than you'll ever believe. You're what the universe would consider a miracle.