Positively Me

As a 35 year-old Woman, I unfornutely have gone through more trauma related incidents than I rather admitt.I found myself in a lost empty shell and costantly feeling like I needed to live up to someone else's standards. I didn't think there would ever be a point where I could balance life and be truly happy and experience joy. Well, what I can say is I found I was kind of my own problem in a lot of ways. I let the cold world run me down until I fell flat on my face! I let my own negative thoughts and thinking take over and I was listening to that little voice inside me and falling for every excuse it was given me. I am far from a lost cause, I am very successful, in many other gifted ways. No I do not have an amazing job right now, I am taking a break from school. I am sitting at home during a pandemic continually thinking, "What can I do to put myself on the right track?" I'm here to tell you, and other men and women that it doesn't have to be that way and it's far from reality. I have two mental disorders,I have two physical ailments, I've been living through trauma since I was a child. I was adopted at four months old back in 1985. The day I found out started my journey all the way up to where I am today! I also was an active addict, now in recovery for almost 4yrs in March 2021. I became a mother to a beautiful little girl who is my everything! I survived a 9 and a 1/2 yr abusive, toxic relationship, plus several abusive ones before that. I didn't think there was a spot in this world for me, but I believe I finally found it. I am not here to live up to anyone's expectations of what my life should look like or be like at this moment. I am a hard loving, kind, giving, beautiful soul who refuses to dim my light for the likes of anyone else. Today I enjoy my freedom to choose what I WANT to do with my time each day. I put so much hard work into discovering who I am as an individual on the inside, I'm talking about a lot of therapy and I am still engaged in that service and I am not ashamed of it because that is what I NEED and what works for me. I am well balanced in my mental health and honestly, I had not taken my physical ailments seriously up until maybe three weeks ago...now I have an app on my phone that helps me build healthier habits to feel more energized. I have signed up for Buti-Yoga, I'm not one for the gym and commitment to monthly or yearly memberships, Thank the Lord for YouTube and Instagram right?! My point here is some people have just been totally ripped to pieces by people they loved and trusted and by certain events or circumstances of no fault of their own. I'm here to tell you it's okay to give yourself space to feel, process, and just release whatever is going on inside your head. I just need you to hold on to hope and a lot of faith, whatever that may look like to you, it is what is going to be your core foundation to build on. Nothing happens overnight, this we know that much, but it's more about what happens in the morning. Every day we wake up is another blessing, another chance, a whole new blank canvas; to create a masterpiece. It took me almost 3yrs just to get to where I am today and I just hope that this little piece of my life that I have shared here today, in writing, gives just enough of that little glimmer of hope to keep fighting, to take chances, take risks and by all means; be the best version of you, and live a life true to who you are. Set your healthy boundaries, find your balance, and vibe with all intentions of positivity!