For a long time, I was weak. If life got me down, I'd stay down. I tried to pull myself up using the ropes, but it continued to beat me. I would wonder why I wasn't good enough, why I wasn't smart enough, or strong enough. The days kept coming and I would just continue to feel sorry for myself. Feeling as if I will never take over my life, the way other people have.
I was working a meaningless dead end job. I'd shake off my stress and work my shift, only to come home feeling unfulfilled. My struggles didn't only have to do with my awful job. My relationship was the worst I have ever been in. Many times I didn't want to go home.
She would yell and scream. Even swing on me. I couldn't get control of my own life and here she was controlling it for me. I was her "rock". Any emotion and she would go through the roof. I wasn't allowed to break. I was tired. I was a worn down man. I was living on a thread.
It wasn't long until a little voice told me, you have one life. Live it. You deserve to be happy. I could sit there and feel sorry for myself or I could get up and say, "Enough is enough."
I knew everyday was going to come regardless of how I felt. Just like the famous words, "The show must go on." I decided to wake up and take everyday by storm. I have one life. I am who I am and I should strive to be the best "Me" there is.
That day, I decided to tell her I'm leaving. A month later, I packed my stuff and moved into my own apartment. I decided to give up everything and start from scratch. As hard as that is, I'm worth it. Doesn't matter who finds me worthless, as long as I don't. You can't love anyone else if you can't truly love yourself. After 10 years of feeling like nothing, I walked away.
After being in a relationship where I was being mistreated, but spiritually tired, I still reached my arms out to her everyday. It was time to close my arms and find the love someplace else. When I turned around to walk away, there my loved ones stood with their arms wide open to me. Like a crumbling rock, I fell into their arms.
A few months later as I was burdened with my broken heart. I was in such an awful darkness.
On the horizon I saw a light. She came out of no where. I have known her for much longer than I had realized. She has been there the whole time, waiting her turn. She taught me that I have always had a light within me. That my strength is nothing she has ever seen. She saw it in me years ago and even though I am weak right now, she still sees it.
She put her hand on my heart. She told me I am in there and it's time to be me again. Just like a beautiful sunrise, my light shone through the darkness. I could see again. I am able to walk on my own two feet. I just needed a reminder of who I am.
The sun rises in me everyday. I fight everyday to be the best I can be. To leave my mark on this world. After my time is up and I am no longer here, people will know my story. They will read my words. They will feel my hand on their heart. And in the wise words of my angel, "You are in there and it's time to be you again."