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Note to myself

Lessons learnt

By Andy OliPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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Note to myself
Photo by Jesse Gardner on Unsplash

Dear me,

I know it's been very hard lately to just continue on, pretending to be happy with our life as it is, faking smiles, faking giggles and laughter, but to be honest... I think we're doing great! I'm beginning to see reasons to be happy! I mean, we're still kicking, we're still moving on with everything. We lost a bit of ourselves this year, or rather actually, for at least almost two years now but... we're still here and we are beginning to see what's important.

We got lost for awhile, clinging to people that we thought they were making us happy, and the truth is, they were, but sometimes, that happiness isn't long-term at all. I've always said that what I wish for the most in life is to be happy. I don't wish for money, fame, beauty, or any other superficial thing, but the one thing that I've consistently wished for, has been happiness, true happiness. I was happy sometimes with my life, how things were going, my relationship and friendships, but things change sometimes, not for the best every time, so we just have to deal with it and move on.

We have dealt with many things so far, good and bad, happy and sad, and that's what life is all about in the end, and this 2020 year was no different. But this year I've learned important lessons, such as gratitude. I've learned to be grateful for what I already have, like my friends that stayed by my side even though I didn't take their advice, or my job that remained open all throughout the pandemic. It's time for me to stop thinking that I don't have anything to look forward to. To start thinking about picking myself up again and go back being the cheerful little girl I once was, full of hopes and dreams, energy and positivity that people keep reminding me of. I miss her. And only now I've realized that only I can bring her back.

I hope I go back being like I was before, not because people keep reminding me of how it used to be, but because that was pure happiness before. I want us to be a new form of happy, a resonation of before and after. We have to move on, improve and adapt to life as it goes, because that doesn't stop moving, and neither do I want it to end right now. I want to fulfill my hopes and dreams, the ones that I've listed on a little pink notebook before, that I keep memories inside. I look at that book now and at the things I wrote... before, looking at it, I actually used to insult myself, saying that I'm just a dumb naive girl but... looking at it now, makes me feel warm and cuddly inside, because I still want all of that, and not everything is a lost cause, specially if we care and love enough for those causes.

I wish to make these hopes and dreams come true this new 2021 year. I'm going to work on them. Work on myself, on my goals, on making myself better, for me and not just for others. If I wasn't trying to make everyone else happy instead of myself, I wouldn't be lost right now. Some people say that "We are N#1 and we have to look after ourselves first", which I always scoffed at the idea since it sounded a bit too selfish, but I see their point now. I've never liked myself much and this is another lesson I've finally realized what it meant. Some people say "If you don't love yourself first, no one will". I understand this now, because if I did love myself, I wouldn't have endured some heartbreak and some hard decisions I made, because I'd always put someone else in front of my own happiness and needs, and the truth is, the people we put in a pedestal instead of us, don't really reciprocate the same energy and love as we gave them, and then we're the ones that fall into a depression and anxiety and think that we are the problem, even though we gave them everything and every ounce of ourselves.

So, future me, if we learned anything from 2020, is that we still have time to do what makes us happy, and that's exactly what we're gonna do from now on. We can do this, we are going to do this!

We will:

  • Leave the toxic people behind;
  • Start loving ourselves first;
  • Find happiness;
  • Enjoy the little things in life;
  • Fight for our dreams and also find new ones when we fulfill one;
  • Give other people hope, we saw this year, that we weren't the only ones lost, so keep being kind and help people that need;

Just be happy the best possible way, it's very important to at least try...

With newfound love,

Your old you

happiness
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About the Creator

Andy Oli

Hi everyone, i'm just a girl that's always had a dream and the ambition to become a writer and share my views with the world.

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