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Not Me...

A success story

By Latoya Giles Published 3 years ago 3 min read
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"Ouch!" My voice sounds like someone else's as it echoes in my brain. "You're hurting me!" I'm screaming in anguish as the man I thought loved me is yanking me out of the bathroom by my previously broken arm. The pain has increased so much now that tears are falling from my eyes. He drags me across the carpet. He didn't even let me pull my pants up. Here I am, crying on the floor trying to hurriedly up my pajama bottoms and panties because when he grabbed me, I was sitting on the toilet. All this is happening in front of my children. I watch them watching me in horror. I see the fear, anger and confusion on my oldest daughters face. I can almost hear her thoughts, "leave my mother alone before I beat your ass in here!" The youngest is only two so she just cries. She walks over to me and says, "mommy, how did you fall?" She then turns to him and thanks him for "catching" me. Bless her innocent little heart! She has no idea that she has just witnessed the domestic violence that I have been hiding for weeks. How did I get here? What happened to me?

Of course nobody ever "plans" to get into an abusive or toxic relationship. Sometimes, more often than not, you don't even see it coming...or do you???

-PAY ATTENTION-

There are ALWAYS signs! Its just that when we meet someone new, we tend to see them (and their actions) through rose colored glasses. We usually give him/her the benefit of the doubt. I'm not saying that you need to put your new love interest under a microscope or apply constant pressure, just BE AWARE. Does he want you to constantly check in with him when you guys are not together? Does she demand you face time/video chat her when she thinks there are other women around? How about just not wanting you to be out without him/her all together? It is unhealthy to only spend time with your significant other.

-SET BOUNDARIES/EXPRESS YOURSELF-

You are your own person. I'm pretty sure the person you are is what attracted your love interest in the first place! Speak up for yourself! Say no if you don't like or don't want to do something. You should NOT have to walk on eggshells, constantly watching what you say.

-WALK AWAY-

When you guys disagree, she threatens to commit suicide? He grabs and squeezes your arm when you turn to leave the room? That is NOT okay! Many of us have things like this happen and we just brush it off or make excuses. We rationalize it away. Heck, sometimes we even scold ourselves for thinking that way! These behaviors escalate. One day you're sitting in a cafe smiling so much your face hurts because he won't stop complimenting you, then the next thing you know, you are on the floor crying and asking him why...

There is always a way out. I was living with my abuser. I had two children with no job at the time. He was the breadwinner so he was in control. I hid the abuse as long as I could. I applied for every job that was hiring so I could take my children and leave. The abuse became known before my "exit plan" was complete. I got a retail job working just twenty hours a week. Police came while he gathered his things and left my home. I got a restraining order and all locks were changed. I was only making $300 a week. Rent alone was $950 month, but I made it! "Started from the bottom, now we here!" *in my Drake voice* I am currently a company manager with a salary of over 40K a year, hoping to start my own business soon. Not too shabby if I do say so myself. You deserve the world so get it.....

healing
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About the Creator

Latoya Giles

I'm just a single mom tryna make it. Come with me on my journey through life in writing... "A dream deferred is not a dream denied"

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