Not another mid life crisis

I’m not a fan of the term “crisis” and all the negativity that implies. It doesn’t have to be negative though, if you are using the definition of crisis as a “danger” and the more palatable “opportunity”... even if those opportunities are dwindling rapidly. I’d like to say I experienced it as a “wake up call”. In many ways it’s just .... that feeling of “is that all there is...?”

TICK TOCK

And of course to put it at its bluntest...running out of time .. Actually I think that is really what it is... something makes you mentally slap your forehead and realise ok, no more “if only I had” ... there is I HAVE or I WILL or just accept it’s not going to happen and you have to make your peace with that. It may be that there’s going to be a few “last time I ever “... and they might well have been a few decades ago... but at least it was probably something you did actually do and wanted to do. Or maybe not...Well come to think of it you can certainly turn that one around too ... maybe it’s a blessed relief in fact that you don’t have to do something any more. Do you really care if you never ride a bike again? I can in fact think of quite a few of these ones... the opposite of a bucket list...so that’s a positive spin on the dwindling time fraction never have I ever or never will I ever again.. and I’m happy about it!

WHAT ELSE?

But what of those things that are on the cringingly named bucket list... or worse those half formed nebulous feelings that something is there that you should be doing, making, creating experiencing... but you can’t quite put your finger on it... and in practical terms you no longer have the luxury to ruminate about it.

The trouble is you do think you have time. Even when you are getting to the pointy end of life.

PLANS

There is less time than you think, ...at any age. I never had a plan beyond I must get an education and get married and have kids. What a Boomer eh? Well I did all that. All of that was good actually, of course there were ups and downs and a divorce...I also hurt people because things were missing or changed and I couldn’t pin it down... so sometimes I impacted upon and involved others...and I like to do what I’m not “supposed”to. I’ve found myself maligned and misunderstood as a result. I won’t listen to the judgements because I know that whatever I have done I have made every effort to avoid hurting or messing people about..if I failed then ...I know within myself I at least tried to do the “right” thing. And seriously sometimes the right thing is not the easiest for others to accept anyway.

IT’S ON YOU

I think it’s important to realise that you are the sole author of your life, you aren’t a victim, I wish sometimes I had seen this more clearly for myself... long before I got so “long in the tooth”. I have created a good life for myself and there is much more that needs to be done. Just a rapidly shortening amount of time to do it in.

CAREFUL

I have learnt to think more carefully about what I want versus what I need.. and what I actually already have. Flights of fancy are fun, oh for sure they can really be intoxicating .....but they are as substantial as a fly’s wing and though it might not seem like it at the time, aren’t worth the angst the pursuit of them might bring.

JUST DO WHATEVER IT IS

I should have spent more of my time creating, performing and making art... I could have been doing so long ago. But I can be doing it now. It’s never too late.. but if you want time to enjoy more.. get started .. NOW!